Can't Have You Comic Strips

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View 1 - 10 results for can't have you comic strips. Discover the best "Can't Have You" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #two hour meeting, #friday night, #tina, #no personal life, #useless meetings, #void, #insane, #have a meeting

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Tina tells Dilbert and Wally, "I scheduled a two-hour T.H.N.P.L. meeting for seven o'clock on Friday night." Tina explains, "T.H.N.P.L stands for 'Tina has no personal life.' I'm scheduling useless meetings to fill the void in my life." Dilbert says, "Tina, this is insane." Tina asks, "Are you suggesting we have a meeting to discuss it? Is Saturday okay?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #authentic slave owners, #career expectations, #casual day, #company logo, #elfin, #new record forprofits, #petite, #slave labor, #small, #t hsirts

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The Boss approaches Dilbert and Alice carrying a box. He says, "Great news! The company set a new record for profits!" The Boss continues, "That means t-shirts for everyone!" The Boss continues, "You can choose from sizes 'small,' 'petite' or 'elfin.'" Alice holds up a shirt and asks, "Shouldn't these have the company name or logo on them?" The Boss replies, "Hey, that's an idea for next year!" Alice reads the label and says, "It's 1 percent cotton, 99 percent 'miscellaneous' and all hand-made by authentic slave laborers." Dilbert replies, "That's great! With slave labor you don't have the problem that the shirts made on Fridays aren't as good!" Alice asks, "Do you ever worry that our career expectations have gotten too low?" Dilbert says, "Don't go there, Alice." Wally walks in wearing a small shirt and says, "'Casual day,' here I come!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anxiety, #stress, #meltdown cubicle, #theoretical workload limit, #brains full, #becomes overdue, #projects overdue, #tasks, #urgent, #funny noise, #missed dead line

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Voice: Meltdown in cubicle 459540! Dilbert: That's Te. He must have reached his T.W.L. Asok: His what? Dilbert: Theoretical workload limit. In layman's terms, his brain is full. It starts when just one of your projects becomes overdue. You end up spending all of your time explaining why you didn't get it done. That makes all of your other projects overdue. When ever task become urgent, your brain can't decide what to do next. Brains make a funny noise when they shut down. Noise: Poink. Asok: Uh-oh. I just missed a deadline. Wally: And so it begins.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #contracts, #relations between the sexes, #Women, #ignorantly signed, #legal strategy, #affadavit, #attractive women, #have cooties

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Man says, "The contract that you ignorantly signed gives them the right to harvest your organs." Man says, "Your best legal strategy is to get sworn affidavits from attractive women saying you have cooties." Woman says, "Heck yes, I'll sign it." Dilbert says, "I was hoping this would be harder."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #joking, #questioning, #feel free, #questions, #ghosts have clothes, #wedgie

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Boss: Are there any questions? Feel free to ask anything at all. Wally: Why do ghosts have clothes? Dilbert: If someone gives you a wedgie at the moment you die, will you have it for eternity?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conversation, #discussion, #internet & world wide web, #humor consultant, #have more fun, #internet access to entertainment, #funny comment

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Boss: I hired a humor consultant to teach us how to have more fun at work. Dilbert: Does he cancel out the consultant you hired to filter our Internet access to entertainment? Wally: That was a funny comment. How'd you do that without a consultant?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #monsters, #office equipment, #email servers, #ancestral hime, #reduce expenses, #data vampires, #exagerration, #fiber optic

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I.T. person: I moved our email servers to my ancestral home of Transylbonia to reduce expenses. You might have heard rumors that all Transylbonians are data vampires, but I assure you it's an exaggeration. There's this one guy, Doug..." Transylbonian: Dude! It's fiber-optic! Doug: It's really not my thing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #deep, #sleep, #hypnosis, #Draw, #aliens, #abducted, #e.t., #bag, #packed, #Dilbert

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Dogbert sits on a chair and Dilbert lies on a couch. Dogbert says, "You are in a deep sleep . . . Now, while under hypnosis you can draw the aliens who abducted you." Dogbert whispers, "Hint: they all look exactly like 'E.T.'" No longer hypnotized, Dilbert looks at a drawing and says, "Wow! I drew that??" Dogbert says, "They usually come back for you. Better keep a bag packed."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #s.e.w.l.t.u.i.f.e, #lay dog, #society, #engineers, #initials, #everything, #acronyms, #unwashed, #masses, #technology, #b.f.d., #big furry deal

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Dilbert tells Dogbert, "I'm joining the S.E.W.L.T.U.I.F.E." Dilbert explains, "To the lay dog, it's known as the 'Society of Engineers Who Like to Use Initials for Everything.'" Dilbert continues, "We use acronyms to set us apart from the unwashed masses who don't understand technology." Dogbert replies, "B.F.D." The caption translates Dogbert's comment as "Big Furry Deal."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #unnatural, #have girlfirend, #star trek comaprison, #falls in love, #girl dies, #shooting star, #panic, #weird, #overthinking

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Dilbert: "It seems almost unnatural for me to have an actual girlfriend." LIZ: "Why?" Dilbert: "It's like when the captain on 'Star Trek' falls in love, and you know the woman will die in an unlikely accident." "Hey! We just saw our first shooting star!"