Search Results for "cancelled my contract"
Share July 09, 1995's comic on:
Dilbert approaches the Boss and says, "We desperately need another person on my project!" The Boss replies, "We're already over headcount. Get a contract employee." Dilbert says, "Okay, but they cost twice as much." Dilbert says, "Plus we need to buy a computer." The Boss says, "Rent one. We're over our capital budget." Dilbert replies, "Renting is expensive. We'll go over our expense budget." The Boss says, "I'll fire Wally. That will free up some cash." Dilbert throws his arms up in frustration and says, "Wally's on my project!" Dilbert shouts, "Forget it! I'll just work sixteen hours a day!!" The Boss thinks, "That worked out perfectly. I think I might be a genius or something." The Boss sits at his desk and thinks, "I wonder if I should have told him the project was cancelled last week."
Share November 12, 2001's comic on:
The Boss says to an employee, "Our CEO's goal is to improve our revenue per employee. So I'm going to fire you and bring you back as a contractor." The employee responds, "Last week his goal was to reduce the number of contractors. So you cancelled my contract and hired me as an employee." The Boss replies, "Well, it looks like someone doesn't like having his cheese moved." The employee looks at The Boss skeptically.
Share January 06, 2015's comic on:
Woman: I want to be in a serious relationship that can lead to marriage. Dilbert: Marriage is a financial contract. How much money do you have? Woman: All I have is me. Dilbert: So... more vendor than spouse?
Share August 22, 2018's comic on:
The Boss: This is Jerry the contract employee. I hired him to work on project zebra. Dilbert: We haven't even defined the project. How did you know what skills we needed? The Boss: Why are you so threatened by jerry? Jerry: He's not very agile.
Share February 25, 2011's comic on:
Company Lawyer Dilbert says, "I signed a software contract without getting your input because I was in a hurry." Dilbert says, "Now the software company claims they can harvest my organs." Dilbert says, "Do you see any holes in their contract?" Lawyer says, "They mention holes... in the context of your torso."
Share July 18, 2011's comic on:
Dilbert: This class will make me more efficient. Boss: I don't want you to be more efficient. You're working on a government contract and billing by the hour. Now go bill them for the time you stood here and stared at me like a stuffed deer.
Share March 08, 2012's comic on:
Boss: Wally, I want you to manage our Elbonian contract programmers. You'll need to work at night because of the time difference. Wally: People who work at night have more heart attacks. Are you trying to kill me? Boss: Yes, and it's totally legal. Wally: Well played.
Share September 11, 1991's comic on:
A man says to George Lucas, "There's a dog here to see you, sir. He may be on to our operation." Lucas asks Dogbert, "Yes?" Dogbert says, "I came to find out if the news on television is all faked by your special effects company." Lucas and Dogbert sit at a table. Lucas says, "Actually, we don't do ALL of the news here. We had to sub-contract the Dan Quayle stuff to the Muppets." Dogbert says, "I knew that."
Share September 26, 1992's comic on:
Dogbert hands a photograph to a man behind a desk and says, "Here is photo proof that I completed my hit-man contract on Dilbert." The man replies, "Excellent." Dogbert says, "Here he is, sitting lifeless in his stuffed chair." The man looks at the picture and says, "It looks like he's just watching television." Dogbert says, "Technically, my contract doesn't say I must kill him. It says I must 'prove he has no life.'"
Share May 15, 1993's comic on:
Dogbert sits on a park bench with a large man. The man says, "I never learned to read, but it didn't matter because I was a great athlete." The man continues, "Then came the multi-million dollar contract, which I spent on drugs. Eventually I was banned from sports. I quit drugs because I couldn't afford it." The man says, "Now I'm a motivational speaker." Dogbert asks, "Have you motivated anybody to become illiterate yet?"