Cash Cow Comic Strips
69 Results for Cash Cow
View 1 - 10 results for cash cow comic strips. Discover the best "Cash Cow" comics from Dilbert.com.
Dogbert: I made a list of demands for you new year's resolutions. Dilbert: Thous salt not fill up the DVR with geeky science shows. ....Thou shalt not snore like an asthmatic cow.... I didn't know other people could impose resolutions on me, Dogbert: Its a new thing.
Tina says, "My best friend from college keeps bugging me to visit her. The flight will cost a small fortune." Dilbert says, "Try offering her a cash payment of half the estimated cost of the trip if she agrees to stop inviting you." Tina says, "You don't have any friends, do you?" Dilbert says, "I hear they're expensive."
Dilbert sits on an examining table in a doctor's office. The doctor says, "Normally I'd give you six months to live." The physician continues, "But we're having a '50% off sale' today, so I'll give you a full year for the same price." Dilbert lies back on the table. The doctor says, "And you get an extra ten days if you pay cash!"
Dogbert sits behind a cash register and says to a customer, "Welcome to Dogbert's New Age Mineral Water Spa . . . Hand over the cash." Dogbert says, "Hold it . . . The vibes from my crystal tell me we knew each other in a previous life . . . In ATLANTIS!" A man says, "That's what you told the last guy, too." Dogbert replies, "Atlantis was a small town. I ran the only donut shop."
A large man behind a desk says to two overweight men, "We must use all of the resources of the 'Cow and Egg' lobby to counter the latest threat from the vegetarians." The man continues, "Somehow they've managed to link food with health . . . They invented a 'nutrition pyramid' chart and got schools to use it . . ." A teacher points to a chart and says, "Kids, this is a little different from the way I learned it . . ." Meat, milk and beer are at the top of the pyramid and are labeled "bad." The next levels on the pyramid are gravel, bugs; beans, tofu; fruits, vegetables; bread, cereal, grains.
An overweight man enters Dogbert's office and says as he pants and wheezes, "Are you Dogbert, the new leader of the vegetarian movement?" Dogbert replies, "Yes." The man continues to pant as he says, "I have a warning from the cow and egg industry . . . You must ERK!" The man lies on the ground with his feet in the air. Dogbert says, "In retrospect, it was pretty clever of us to rent a third floor command center with no elevator."
Ratbert and Dogbert walk toward each other on the sidewalk. Ratbert says, "Hey, Dogbert, everybody is talking about you at the lab." Dogbert asks, "Really?" Ratbert says, "The 'cow and egg' industry is going to discredit your vegetarian movement. They paid us to prove meat is healthy." Dogbert says, "What's your role?" Ratbert replies, "I play the rat who ironically chokes to death on a carrot during the news conference." Dogbert replies, "Great . . . I'll have to see that on CNN about a jillion times."
A man in a cape says to Dogbert who is followed by two reporters, "Stop! I am the 'Amazing Ronny,' famous skeptic and debunker." Ronny continues, "I will prove to the media that you're not a powerful space alien at all." Ronny puts on a hat with antennae like Dogbert's and says, "See how easily the media were duped?" One reporter says to the other, "There's still time to interview the cow who does algebra." Dogbert growls at Ronny.
Dogbert: I call it 'Dogbert's Reincarnation Investment Fund'. You give me your money now and I invest it until you reincarnate. The compound interest will make you rich. Dilbert: What if I come back as a cow? Dogbert: You'll save a fortune in milk.