Center Of Excellence Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

48 Results for Center Of Excellence

View 1 - 10 results for center of excellence comic strips. Discover the best "Center Of Excellence" comics from Dilbert.com.

Why Not A Center Of Excellence

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Why Not A Center Of Excellence - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, office, excellence

View Transcript

Transcript

ceo: maybe we should creat a "center of excellence." the boss: what exactly does that mean? ceo: i think it means whatever we want it to mean. the boss: then what good is it? ceo: let's not get lost in the weeds.

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags center of excellence, presidentail library, honoring lifes work, asking questions

View Transcript

Transcript

"I've been asked to design and build our center of excellence." "Which, as I understand it, is like a presidential library honoring my life's work." "In time, people learn to stop asking me questions."

Measuring Excellence

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Measuring Excellence - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, excellence

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert, the boss and wally at conference room table. the boss: we opened our first "center of excellence" today. the boss: at the risk of sounding too optimistic, we should be brimming with excellence by nightfall. dilbert: how will we know if is working? the boss: it's better if we don't try too hard to measure it.

Centers Of Excellence

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Centers Of Excellence - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags lie, managers & supervisors, office, excellence

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: make a slide deck that says our "centers of excellence" are creating more excellence. dilbert: do we have any data to support that claim? the boss: no. dilbert: you want me to lie? the boss: is that suddenly too much to ask.

Expecting Excellence

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Expecting Excellence - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, happiness, expectations, coffee, dysfunction, excellence

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: asok, he key to happiness is lowering your expectations. for example, all i expect from work today is twelve cups of coffee and a humorous display of corporate dysfunction. asok: that sounds sad. wally: try expecting excellence and see how that works for you.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags gadgets, scientific equipment, data center, lights out, eliminate problems, moving cables, power cords, ruining everything, speakerphone, humans are germs, science

View Transcript

Transcript

Voice: The data center is evolving into a "lights out" operation. Employees will no longer be allowed in the data center. We hope to eliminate all of the problems that humans cause by moving cables, unplugging power cords, and ruining everything with their dirt and static. Dilbert: He makes it sound as if the data center is alive and we humans are nothing but germs. Alice: By the way, who called this meeting and who's on the speakerphone? Dilbert: Are you... the data center? Noise: CLICK. Dilbert: I have a bad feeling about this.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, center, universe, described, terms, relationship, brain

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Dogbert walk outdoors. Dogbert says, "I've decided to be the center of the universe." Dogbert continues, "All of the things in the universe can now be described in terms of their relationship to me." Dilbert and Dogbert sit on a rock. Dilbert says, "I don't understand why you're doing this." Dogbert replies, "That's because your brain is only a half-Dogbert."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags new name for group, engineering science research, designed business cards, long name, complicated

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I came up with a new name for our group." The Boss continues, "From now on we're the 'Engineering Science Research Technology Systems Information Quality and Excellence Center.'" Wally says, "You should throw 'efficiency' in there too." The Boss holds up a long piece of paper and says, "I designed the business cards myself."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags excellence in teaming, nearly ready, complete buy in, make decsions, squirrel migration patterns

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Dilbert and another worker sit at a conference table. The worker says, "I'm happy to report that the 'Excellence in Teaming' read-out is nearly ready." The worker continues, "It's taken forty people from a dozen departments to complete the study. We finally got complete buy-in." Dilbert asks, "Is that the study of why we can't make decisions?" The worker responds, "Originally. But it evolved into more of a discussion of squirrel migration patterns."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags call center, customer questions, working conditions, inhumane, innocent employees

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Your project is to build a call center to handle customer questions. Keep the costs downy making the working conditions inhumane. Dilbert: My conscience won't allow me to harm innocent employees. The Boss: we won't be paying enough ti hire any innocent employees.