Ceo's Yacht Comic Strips
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49 Results for Ceo's Yacht
View 1 - 10 results for ceo's yacht comic strips. Discover the best "Ceo's Yacht" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday June 29,
2008
Tags #eliminate bonuses, #savings used, #fun loving executives, #wear festive costumes, #sound of no money, #ceo's yacht, #whale oil, #bring harpoon, #happy about underpay
Transcript
The Boss says, "Our CEO decided to eliminated employee bonuses." The Boss says, "The savings will be used to produce an in-house movie to inspire you." Dilbert says, "Inspire us to do what?" The Boss says, "For starters, we'd like you to be happy about being underpaid." The Boss says, "Our fun-loving executives will wear festive costumes and sing about the virtues of poverty." The Boss says, "The movie is called 'The Sounds of No Money.'" The Boss says, "The premiere is on our CEO's yacht. He wants all of you to be there." Asok says, "We're invited to his yacht?" The Boss says, "The yacht runs on whale oil, so bring a harpoon."
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Friday September 25,
2015
Ceo's Yacht
Tags #hypocrisy, #money, #salary, #wages, #net worth, #rich people, #yacht, #obliviousness, #saving, #cost
Transcript
CEO: We must learn to do more with less. Alice: You own a yacht that has an 18-hole golf course, and a landing strip for your jet, and its own zip code. CEO: I got a good deal on that. Alice: That's what the idiot that buys it form you will say, too.
Sunday May 04,
1997
Tags #first salesperson, #noah, #sell ark, #animals, #yacht, #sales babble, #disguise motives, #pioneered lame joke, #weather, #reach quota, #blaming engineering, #greatest innovation
Transcript
Dogbert and Ratbert sit on the couch. Ratbert asks, "Who was the world's first salesperson, Dogbert?" Dogbert replies, "Some people say it was a guy named Noah." The caption says, "Noah's last name was content." Noah says, "I have a big, curly stick and I don't even know why." The caption says, "His job was to sell an ark cruise to animals." Noah asks an opossum hanging in a tree, "Did I say ark? I meant yacht." The caption says, "He invented soemthing called sales-babble to disquise his motives." Noah says, "We'll partner to leverage our value-adds in a win-win proposition." A beaver looks confused. The caption says, "He pioneered the lame joke." Noah asks a giraffe, "How's the weather up there? Hee hee!" The caption says, "When he couldn't reach quota, he got creative." Noah hands a unicorn horn to a cat and says, "Strap this to your head and don't ask questions." The caption says, "But his greatest innovation he called 'blaming engineering.'" An angry bear tells Noah, "I can't find the honey spa." Noah thinks, "Think fast."
Monday November 12,
2001
Tags #ceos goal, #improve revenue, #fired, #contratcor, #cancelled my contract
Transcript
The Boss says to an employee, "Our CEO's goal is to improve our revenue per employee. So I'm going to fire you and bring you back as a contractor." The employee responds, "Last week his goal was to reduce the number of contractors. So you cancelled my contract and hired me as an employee." The Boss replies, "Well, it looks like someone doesn't like having his cheese moved." The employee looks at The Boss skeptically.
Wednesday May 15,
2002
Tags #powerpoint slides, #ceos visit, #needs to fix
Transcript
The Boss says to Alice, "Have you finished your 'powerpoint' slides for the CEO's visit?" Alice responds, "Yes. I'm focusing on all the things we do wrong. Because that's what he needs to fix." The Boss' jaw drops. Alice continues, "Just kidding, there's no useful information." The Boss replies, "Don't joke!"
Tuesday November 29,
2005
Tags #two ceos, #top job, #syockholders, #average employees slaary
Transcript
"After the merger, we'll have two CEOs sharing the top job." "A spokesperson explained 'If our stockholders don't mind paying one CEO 450 times the average employee's salary..." "...They shouldn't mind doing it twice.'"
Tuesday July 22,
2008
Tags #ceo, #thrown out window, #press charges, #security, #gunning for job, #hire for yacht, #policeman
Transcript
Dilbert says, "My CEO threw me through a fifth-floor window. I'd like to press charges." A policeman says, "Your CEO? Do you think he would hire me to do security on his yacht?" Dilbert says, "No." The policeman says, "Would he hire me if I club you with this stick-thing?" Dilbert says, "Maybe."
Sunday September 02,
2007
Tags #ceos son, #joining dept., #intern, #mentor, #little spy, #tell hi dad, #list of compliments, #go somewhere, #three questions, #desk, #kill him
Transcript
The boss: "Our CEO's son is joining the department as an intern." "I want you to be his mentor." "And by mentor, I mean don't let the little spy learn anything about us." "If he finds out what we do, he'll tell his dad we're doing it wrong." "Here's a list of compliments you can give him." "Tell him his assignment is to go someplace and study cool motorcycles." "If he asks more than three questions, kill him." Intern: "Where's my desk?" Dilbert: "That's one."
Wednesday July 03,
2013
Tags #executives, #wages, #media, #overpaid, #ceos, #executive pay, #sultan of brunei, #larry elliosn, #god, #Religion, #Entertainment, #money
Transcript
CEO: The media is saying I'm overpaid compared to other CEOs. That's crazy. Do a benchmark study of executive pay, including the Sultan of Brunei, Larry Ellison, and God. Make sure my pay ends up somewhere in the middle so it doesn't look suspicious.
Sunday December 01,
2013
Tags #competition (psychology), #thinking, #ceos technology challenge, #innovative ideas, #fresh water, #elbonia, #award winning ideas, #water in a box
Transcript
CEO: I'm proud to announce the winner in the CEO's technology challenge. Two weeks ago, I challenged you to come up with innovative ideas for getting fresh water to Elbonia. The winner is someone named Wally. Wally's idea for bringing fresh water to Elbonia is... "in a box." That's the best one? Boss: We only had one entry. CEO: I hate your bald guts. Wally: I get that a lot. If you need me, I'll be in my cubicle thinking up award-winning ideas.