Chance Corporate Ruination Comic Strips

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170 Results for Chance Corporate Ruination

View 1 - 10 results for chance corporate ruination comic strips. Discover the best "Chance Corporate Ruination" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 22, 2005's comic on:


Tags #minor success, #chance corporate ruination

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The project has a 70% chance of minor success and a 30% chance of corporate ruination. The Boss: I like those odds. when can we start. Dilbert: Start? I wish we had ten more projects like this one.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 23, 2011's comic on:


Tags #big business, #cost & standard of living, #green goals, #recycling bins, #company documents, #corporate secuirty, #blue recycling bins, #same policies

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Boss: To reach our green goals, employees must always use the blue recycling bins for company documents. To satisfy our corporate security guidelines, never put company documents in the blue recycling bins. Dilbert: You read those same policies to us last week. Boss: I don't know how to get rid of them.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 14, 2012's comic on:


Tags #promote, #from within, #downside, #smaller pool, #candidates, #competitors, #ruination

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Boss: I like to promote from within. The only downside is that picking from a smaller pool of candidates will make us less capable than our competitors and lead the company to ruination. Do you want that? Dilbert: I see what you're doing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 22, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #blind date, #biggest, #woman, #chance, #financially, #surviving, #dinner, #eat, #starch, #pasta, #banned, #life

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The caption says, "Dilbert greets his blind date." Dilbert thinks, "This is the biggest woman I've ever seen." Dilbert says, "Uh . . . Hi." Dilbert thinks, "I have only one chance of financially surviving dinner." The woman says, "Hi." Dilbert says, "Say . . . Why don't we go to the 'All-you-can-eat House of Starch and Pasta?'" The woman replies, "Can't . . . Banned for life."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 05, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #pencil, #excalibert, #sharpener, #corporate, #legend, #ceo, #grovel

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A man says to Dilbert, "You did it! You removed the pencil 'Excalibert' from the sharpener." The caption says, "As corporate legend required, Dilbert became CEO." Dilbert holds Excalibert and three men bow to him. The caption says, "He immediately set about the task of making important decisions." A woman hands Dilbert a list and says, "Here's the list of people who didn't grovel sufficiently."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 11, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #quality, #brainwashed, #transformed, #fabric, #corporate, #culture, #Wally

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Dilbert and the other employees walk around the office as if in a trance, saying, "Quality . . . Quality . . . Quality . . ." The Boss thinks, "It's working. All the employees are brainwashed." The Boss yells, "I've done it! I've transformed the very fabric of the corporate culture!" Dilbert says to Wally, "Things sure have changed around here." Wally replies, "Yeah, for example, my arms are tired."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 17, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #stock market, #miserable, #fortune, #law of found money, #chance, #Win, #intuition, #guide, #color, #monitor, #gray 9

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Dilbert says to the garbage man, "I've been miserable since I made my fortune in the stock market . . ." The garbage man replies, "It's the 'Law of Found Money.' Nature won't allow us to keep money we find on the ground or win by chance. Don't resist; let your intuition guide you." Dilbert stands in a computer retail store writing a check. He asks the salesclerk, "This comes with a color monitor, right?" The salesperson stands in front of a supercomputer labeled, "Gray 9. Only $10,000,000."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 28, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #computer, #minutes, #paid, #ripping, #evil, #corporate, #empire, #power, #secret, #myself, #nothing

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Dilbert sits at his desk and thinks, "Hey, I haven't done a thing for minutes and yet I still get paid." Dilbert clenches his fists and thinks, "Hoo-hoo-ha! I'm ripping off the evil corporate empire and there's nothing they can do about it! I have total power!" Dilbert thinks, "I'd better keep this little secret to myself." Another employee sits in his cubicle thinking, "Hey, I'm getting paid for doing nothing!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 19, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #roof, #cubicle, #modular, #idiot, #wall, #ceiling, #chance

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Dilbert says, "Hey, Wally, how did you get a roof for your cubicle?" Wally replies, "This stuff is modular. You just take some idiot's wall and make it your ceiling." Dilbert asks, "By any chance, do you know what happened to MY wall?" Wally asks, "What did it look like?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 23, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #chance, #promoted, #technology, #prima donna, #personality, #disorder, #person, #learn, #dustin, #hoffman, #sean penn, #paparazzi

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Dilbert sits on the floor hugging his knees and Dogbert sits on the couch armrest. Dilbert says, "I have a chance to be promoted to 'Technology Prima Donna' if I can develop a personality disorder." Dilbert says, "I don't know how a person can learn that sort of thing." Dogbert replies, "It's easy." Dogbert explains, "Imagine Dustin Hoffman in 'Rain Man.' Now add a dash of Sean Penn meeting a paparazzo." Dilbert clenches his fists and says, "Grrr . . . . Mumble . . . Grrr . . . "