Dilbert: Hi Cheryl. would you like to have lunch with me next week?
Cheryl: I..uh...already ate lunch. Im not hungry.
Dilbert: Im talking about next week!!
Cheryl: I don't think I can have another bite, all full.
Dilbert says into the phone, "And I need the software in a week." The voice on the other end of the line says, "Cheryl is the only one who knows the ordering system." The woman on the other end of the line says into the phone, "She's on her honeymoon for two weeks. You need CFO approval to buy software outside the system." Dilbert responds, "Fine. I'll talk to the CFO. When will he be available?" The voice responds, "Depends on the parole board."
Boss: Cheryl, the other employees are complaining that you're a workplace bully.
Cheryl: Hand over your wallet or else I'll tell your boss you tried to give me a shoulder rub.
Carol: Did you talk to her?
Boss: Don't ever ask me to do anything for your again.