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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 1999's comic on:


Tags #chest pains, #my heart, #anti gravity belt, #invented, #cpr, #engineers say

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Man that looks like Mordac sits between Dilbert and Ted. Mordac says, "Chest pains.... My heart.." Mordac says, "I invented a antigravity belt but it's hidden!" Mordac keels over, his feet wave in the air. Ted says, "Do you think it's true?" Dilbert says, "It's what engineers says to increase the odds of getting CPR."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 21, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #dinner, #car, #drive, #woman, #shallow, #difference, #parking lot, #thump, #mighty, #chest

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Dilbert asks a woman, ". . . So, would you like to meet after work and go to dinner?" The woman asks, "What kind of car do you drive?" Dilbert says angrily, "Ugh! You women are all so shallow!! It should not make one bit of difference what kind of car I drive!!" The woman replies, "Except that it will help me find you in the parking lot . . . But you could just stand on top of it and thump your mighty chest."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 12, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #express, #birds, #singing, #tractor, #chest

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Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. The woman says, "It's hard to express how I feel when I'm with you." Dilbert says, "Try." The woman says, "Imagine a field of wheat on a sunny Spring day. Birds are singing." Dilbert says, "There . . . That wasn't too hard." The woman says, "Now imagine a tractor on your chest . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 07, 2003's comic on:


Tags #blame game, #back and fourth, #forgotten, #no time, #didn't look, #tattoo on chest, #no time torso, #read torso, #stickin chest

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Man: You never responded to my urgent request for engineering resources. The Boss: "What?" Man: "I told Alice to ask you!" The Boss: "She must have forgotten." Alice: "I sent you three e-mail messages." The Boss: "You know I don't have time to read my e-mail." Alice: "And I sent you a voicemail." The Boss: "You know I don't have time for voice-mails." Alice: "That's why I also.." "Tatooed it on your stinkin' chest!!!" The Boss: "As if I have time to read my torso."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 01, 1989's comic on:


Tags #hair, #invention, #shirt, #pocket

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Dogbert sits at a desk working with scissors and Velcro. He says, "There . . . perfect." Dilbert asks, "What's that, Dogbert?" Dogbert answers, "I've created the Velcro shirt pocket! It attaches to your chest hairs while swimming or showering." Dilbert looks at the pocket and says, "Hmm . . . might work." Dogbert says, "You may also be interested in my new Velcro chest hair."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 24, 1995's comic on:


Tags #elbonians, #afford, #just mud, #couch shopping network, #manage resources, #sold country, #little jars, #molten lava, #earths core

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Dilbert sits in his cubicle. He asks Dogbert, "How could the Elbonians afford to buy this company? Their whole country is just mud." Dogbert imagines a television screen showing an Elbonian holding a container with the figure "$119.95" above him. Dogbert answers, "They packaged the mud and sold it as a cosmetic on the 'Couch Shopping Network.' They made trillions." Hugging his knees to his chest, Dilbert comments, "At least they know how to manage resources." Dogbert replies, "They sold their entire country in little jars. Most Elbonians perished in molten lava at the Earth's core."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 10, 1996's comic on:


Tags #stake through heart, #demon mossed boss, #raisin sized heart, #blue betty pen

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Dilbert and Wally stand against the wall on either side of the door to Ted's office. Dilbert says, "Alice is ready to drive a stake through the heart of our demon-possessed boss." Wally and Dilbert hide in the hallway. From inside the office, they hear, "Whack, whack, whack!" Ted and Alice walk out the office door. Ted has many pens stuck in his chest. He says, "It's times like these when I'm glad my heart is the size of a raisin!" Alice says to Wally, "I need all of your pens, including 'Blue Betty.'" Wally's mouth hangs open in shock.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 10, 1996's comic on:


Tags #catbert hr director, #went nuts, #vending machine, #offer counseling, #more economical, #death penalty, #possible, #microwave oven

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Catbert says to Dilbert, "This report says you went nuts at a vending machine because it took your money." Dilbert sits with his arms crossed over his chest. Catbert continues, "The company used to offer counseling in these cases. But we found it was more economical to apply the death penalty." Dilbert looks shocked. Dilbert asks, "What?! How is that possible?" Catbert replies, "I'm not sure yet. You're too big for the microwave oven . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 14, 1996's comic on:


Tags #company, #compensate, #healing begin, #insane, #working smarter, #woefully understaffed, #not working harder, #business

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Dilbert and Wally walk down the hall together. Wally says, "This company makes perfect sense, now that I'm insane." Wally continues, "For example, it might seem as though we're woefully understaffed, but I can compensate by working smarter not harder." Wally walks into Dilbert's cubicle in his underwear with a box on his head and a monitor strapped to his chest. Wally says, "Hey, if I'm capable of working smarter, then why do I work HERE?" Dilbert thinks, "The healing has begun."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 06, 1996's comic on:


Tags #date other men, #break up, #need a spare, #not break up, #other dates

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Liz and Dilbert walk outdoors. Liz says, "I've decided to date other men." Dilbert cries, "Nooo!!! Don't break up with me!" Liz replies, "I'm not. I just want to date other men at the same time." Dilbert folds his arms across his chest and says, "I am NOT happy right now." Liz points to a man walking next to her and says, "That's exactly why I need a spare."