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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 31, 2012's comic on:

Tags #computers & peripherals, #inventions, #computers, #program themsleves, #machine intelligence, #destroy civilization, #plan a, #live unhealthy, #lifestyle, #plan b, #techno terrorism

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Dilbert: In a few years, computers will program themselves. That's called singularity. From that point on, machine intelligence will increase exponentially. The resulting shock will probably destroy the fabric of civilization. Plan "A" is to live an unhealthy lifestyle. Plan "B" is techno-terrorism. Boss: I like the first one.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 30, 2012's comic on:

Tags #huge fee, #non practicing entity, #patent troll, #patents, #playing field, #plunge civilization, #tangle innovation, #thwart compnies, #dark ages

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Dogbert: I'm a patent troll, but you can call me a non-practicing entity. For a huge fee, I will use my patents to thwart the companies that are trying to thwart you with their own patents. Together we can strangle innovation and plunge civilization into the dark ages! Boss: That would even the playing field.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 16, 1989's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #android, #civilization, #aliens, #radish-like

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Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dogbert asks, "Did you ever get to thinking that maybe you are just an android, placed on earth by an advanced civilization of huge radish-like aliens who are studying your every move?" Dilbert answers, "No." Dogbert says, "Me neither."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 1989's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #world economy, #gold, #rock, #civilization, #money

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit on a fence outdoors. Dogbert asks, "Isn't it stupid that the world economy is based on gold?" Dilbert replies, "Yeah . . . No matter how advanced civilization gets, we still use rocks for money." Dogbert says, "The dumb part is using a rock that's so hard to find."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 30, 1989's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #focus, #subatomic civilization, #civilization

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Dilbert looks into a huge microscope and says, "My goodness! It looks like I've discovered an entire subatomic civilization!" A microscopic organism says, "Hey! What are you staring at?!!" Dilbert says, "I am Dilbert. I mean you no harm." The organism says, "You're looking at the incredibly tiny planet of 'Minimus 6.'" Dilbert asks, "Minimus 6? That means there are five other planets like yours!" Dilbert says, "Let me get you focused a bit better . . ." Dilbert crunches the sample. Dilbert sits on the front steps with his head in his hands. Dogbert says, "And I loved the part when you said, 'I mean you no harm.'"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 15, 1996's comic on:

Tags #upgarde, #product design, #overheat, #big picture, #no benefits, #over heating, #sales are strong, #end civilization

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The Boss tells Dilbert, "I made an upgrade to your product design." He hands Dilbert a document. Dilbert says, "This would make the product overheat." The Boss says, "Let's try to look at the big picture." Dilbert reads the document and says, "Okay . . . Let's see . . . Your upgrade has no benefits and it costs more." Dilbert continues, "The overheating would start office fires and put all of our customers out of business." Dilbert continues, "If our sales are strong, we could create economic chaos and a global firestorm." Dilbert concludes, "Your 'upgrade' would destroy civilization as we know it." The Boss says, "Keep me informed." Back at home, Dilbert sits on the couch and Dogbert sits on the backrest. Dogbert asks, "So you're going to end civilization as we know it?" Dilbert replies, "I don't think I'll miss it, frankly."

Engineers Built Everything That Matters

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Engineers Built Everything That Matters - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 18, 2014's comic on:

Tags #engineers, #importance, #marketing, #wages, #pay scale, #modern civilization, #need both, #marketing guy, #business, #money

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The Marketing Guy. Marketing Guy: I don't see why engineers get paid more than marketing professionals. Dilbert: Maybe because engineers designed and built every important part of modern civilization and all you did was misrepresent it. Marketing Guy: My point is that you need both. Dilbert: You really don't.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 06, 2003's comic on:

Tags #elbonian, #ad reputation, #our image, #leprechauns, #mud, #export, #primary export, #vegetarian backlash

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Dogbert is meeting with an Elbonian. The Elbonian says, "Elbonia has gotten a bad reputation. We need your help to rebuild our image." The Elbonian continues, "The problem began when we discovered a civilization of leprechauns living under our mud." The Elbonian continues, "Now they're our primary export. But we underestimated the vegetarian backlash."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 18, 2009's comic on:

Tags #driving, #traveling, #angry, #dangerous

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Dilbert says, "Thanks for the ride. My company cut back on the travel budget." Driver says, "Do you mind if we stop at an abandoned slaughterhouse that's miles from civilization?" Dilbert says, "A little." Driver says, "Are you trying to make me angry?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 24, 2013's comic on:

Tags #electronic mail, #thinking, #lack of creativity, #choke yourself, #creating ideas

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Boss: I traced all of our problems back to your lack of creativity. You should be creating ideas that change the course of civilization, but instead, you sit there like a lump. Dilbert: I'm sending you a link that describes fun ways to choke yourself.