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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 26, 1995's comic on:


Tags #same task, #other people, #clever ploy, #create healthy internal competition, #average cauliflower, #brain, #fruit kingdom

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Wally and Dilbert stand in front of the Boss's desk. Dilbert says, "Wally and I have a bet about why you assigned me to the same task as three other people." Dilbert continues, "I believe it's a clever ploy to create healthy internal competition. Wally thinks you're just dumber than the average cauliflower." The Boss says, "May I point out that cauliflower is the brain of the fruit kingdom." Wally looks at Dilbert and says, "Yes!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 22, 2012's comic on:


Tags #business failures/bankruptcies, #too big to fail, #two pigs, #flail, #clever, #demoralizing

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Boss: Are we too big to fail? CEO: Nope. We're more like two pigs that flail. Boss: That's clever, and yet demoralizing. CEO: You're welcome.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 10, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #garbage man, #tranzanian, #necktie, #snake, #clever, #disguises

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Dogbert asks the garbage man, "Mister Garbage Man, do you know why Dilbert's neckties curl up?" The garbage man answers, "It could be a Tanzanian necktie snake in one of its clever disguises." The garbage man grasps his throat and continues, "They'll stalk you for years, then suddenly - ACK!!" Dogbert looks shocked.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 18, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #prisoner, #built, #ladder, #dental, #floss, #rich, #clever

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A prisoner whispers to another prisoner, "Pssst . . . I'm planning an escape." The man continues, "I've secretly built a ladder out of dental floss." The other man replies, "Ha! And they say the rich aren't clever."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 17, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #genius, #humility, #Dogbert, #weasel, #compliments, #clever

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Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert says from behind him, "I'm not really a genius." Dilbert asks, "Did you say something?" Dogbert replies, "I'm practicing my false humility." Dilbert asks, "Is this just a way to weasel more compliments out of people?" Dogbert replies, "Oh, I could never be THAT clever."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 1992's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #newsletter, #clueless, #people, #clever, #typing

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Dogbert sits at a desk. Dilbert says, "Well, there you are, working on your little newsletter for clueless people . . ." Dilbert continues, "You're probably thinking up some clever little fact that the so-called people would never realize on their own." Dilbert reads the monitor and says, "Let me see . . . 'If you are the only one talking then it is a clue that no conversation is occurring and it is time to leave."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 02, 1995's comic on:


Tags #more work, #same tiny raises, #clever shift, #management philosophy, #simple application, #annoy, #effect pay

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Dilbert stands in front of the Boss who is seated at his desk. Dilbert says, "I accomplished twice as much as Wally this year, but we got exactly the same tiny raises." Dilbert says, "I'm wondering if this is a clever shift in management philosophy or a simple application of your ignorance?" The boss says, "You're starting to annoy me." Dilbert replies, "And that would affect my pay how?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 22, 1995's comic on:


Tags #protects webs prodcuts, #engineer, #pads schedule, #six months, #build prodcut, #play doom, #computer, #add people, #tiny empire, #eighteen months, #sales people, #irrational desire, #beta test, #technology, #engineering

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Dogbert holds a pointer and stands next to the caption, "How Nature Protects Weak Products." The caption says, "First, the engineer pads his schedule." Dilbert and the Boss sit at a conference table. The Boss asks, "Six months?" Dilbert replies, "At least." Dilbert thinks, "One month to build the product and five months to play 'Doom' on my computer." The caption says, "Then the manager pads the schedule as a clever negotiating ploy." The Boss tells an executive, "One year . . . Unless you add people to my tiny empire." The caption says, "Then the vice president pads the schedule to avoid looking bad to the president." The VP kisses the president's toes and says, "Eighteen months." The caption says, "Meanwhile, the sales people are making up numbers because nobody tells them anything." A man tells a woman, "Two months . . . And it solves every problem you have!" The caption says, "This causes the customers to develop irrational desire for the product." A woman says into the phone, "Give me the 'beta' test version in one month." The caption says, "Thus nature disguises weak products as 'beta.'" The woman looks at a device and says, "Cardboard? That's stupid." Dilbert replies, "Oh . . . Then it's beta."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 16, 1999's comic on:


Tags #clever disguiyse, #engineering job, #take the job, #fashionable engineer

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Alice, Dilbert and Wally eat lunch. Alice says, "I'll wear a clever disguise then interview for the engineering job here." Alice says, "If he offers me more money than I make now, I'll take the job. Heh-heh" Alice sits on the boss' office diguised in a very high hat and a dark glasses. The boss says, "You're suspiciously fashionable for an engineer." Alice says, "I store tools up there."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 08, 2005's comic on:


Tags #audit, #150 million, #software system, #scrap entire thing, #worthless, #norma software system, #clever combo, #tweak it, #sell the zeros, #few minutes

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Dogbert: "I completed the audit of your new $150 million software system." "I recommend that you scrap the entire thing." "What?!! How could the entire thing be worthless?" "Well, your normal software system would be a clever combination of ones and zeros." "Yours is all ones." "There must be some way to tweak it until it works." "My company can sell you all the zeros you need. But you'll have to arrange them yorself." "Whe you have a few minutes, I have a little assignment for you."