Client Driven Comic Strips

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56 Results for Client Driven

View 1 - 10 results for client driven comic strips. Discover the best "Client Driven" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 19, 2003's comic on:


Tags #despartment, #normal scope, #over loaded, #flexible, #client driven, #outside of scope, #avoid projects, #cheerfully accept assignments

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A business associate asks The Boss, "Can your department do this for us?" The Boss responds, "No problem." The business associate says, "Really? It's outside of your normal scope of work and I know you're over-loaded." The Boss exclaims, "We're a flexible, client-driven organization!" Asok asks Wally, "Wally, how can I avoid projects that are outside of my scope of responsibility?" Wally responds, "Cheerfully accept the assignments and then never work on them." Wally continues, "It bolsters your claims of being overloaded while leaving you free for work that matters." Asok asks, "Work matters?" Wally replies, "Well, not to us." The Boss hands Asok an assignment and says, "I'm not even sure what they want." Asok responds, "I'll start ignoring it immediately."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 03, 2011's comic on:


Tags #embarrassment, #internet & world wide web, #website, #moradc, #nicknames, #client satisfactions surveys, #group monitors, #technology

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Mordac: Ted, the I.S. group monitors every website you visit. Based on that information, we came up with a list of nicknames for you. My job got a lot more fun after we stopped doing the client satisfaction surveys. Mordac

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 08, 2012's comic on:


Tags #hobo outfit, #client meeting, #dress level, #client, #dress casual, #fudge stain

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Alice: What's up with the hobo outfit? Dilbert: I have a client meeting. You should always dress one level up from the client. He dresses casually to flaunt his success, so I'm dressing even more casually. Alice: Wow. You actually don't know which direction is up. Dilbert: This stain is fudge.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 06, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #prototype, #six months, #transform, #pocket, #lint, #parsley substitute, #technology driven

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Dilbert stands in front of a man's desk holding a gadget. The man asks, "So, Dilbert, this is the prototype you've been working on for the last six months?" Dilbert replies, "Yes, sir. I'm proud to say that this baby can transform worthless pocket lint into a valuable parsley substitute!" The man says, "Well, this looks absolutely brilliant and completely unmarketable." Dilbert says, "Thanks, I'm technology driven."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 17, 1990's comic on:


Tags #judicial proceedings, #Dilbert, #doubted, #clients, #innocence, #defense, #jury, #client, #lawyer, #civic, #duty, #Dogbert

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The caption says, "Jury selection." A lawyer says, "My client is accused of killing twelve people just like you folks." The attorney continues, "The alleged victims were all part of a previous jury who doubted my client's innocence." The jury members look horrified. The lawyer says, "This jury is acceptable to the defense."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 20, 1990's comic on:


Tags #judicial proceedings, #lawyer, #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #hypothetical, #hypocracy, #jury duty, #standing, #less, #people, #executioner, #client

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The defense lawyer says, "Okay, let's say that, hypothetically, my client did kill those people . . ." His client is holding an ax and wearing an executioner's hat. The attorney says to Dilbert and the other members of the jury, "Chances are that it was nobody you know." The lawyer continues, "And the next time you're standing in a long line, ask yourself: 'Am I better off now that there are less people?'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 17, 1994's comic on:


Tags #client server, #project, #reasoning, #six minutes, #time line, #world wide operations, #understand

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The Boss: I put together a time line for your project. I started by reasoning that anything I don't understand is easy to do. Phase one: design a client-server architecture for our world wide operations time: six minutes.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 17, 1995's comic on:


Tags #financial advisor, #invest, #dogcart deferred earnings, #fund, #conflict of interest, #client, #interest

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Dilbert sits on a pillow on the floor working on his laptop. Dogbert tells him, "I'm going into business as a financial advisor." Dilbert says, "Sounds hard." Dogbert says, "It's easy. I'll tell all my clients to invest in the 'Dogbert Deferred Earnings Fund.'" Dilbert asks, "Isn't that a conflict of interest?" Dogbert replies, "Only if I show interest in the client."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 23, 1997's comic on:


Tags #third date, #vendor, #client, #obligated, #feisty, #oysters, #sale first, #kill client

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Wally and a vendor are eating lunch at a restaurant and are looking at the menu. Wally says, "Do you realize this is our third date?" The vendor (a woman) says, "We're not dating. I'm a vendor and you're my client." The vendor says, "You always say the only time we can meet is during lunch. That way I'm obligated to pay for it." The waitress brings them glasses of water. Wally says, "You're feisty. I'd better get the oysters." The vendor makes an angry grimmace and thinks, "Make sale first. Then kill client."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 27, 1998's comic on:


Tags #dogbert the ceo, #incestment banker, #loot place, #merge with client, #golden parachute, #exercise stock options, #merger, #so long suckers

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Caption: Dogbert the C.E.O. Dogbert sits at desk. An investment banker stands across from him. Banker says, "I'm an investment banker. I can help you loot this place and escape." Banker sits next to Dogbert and reviews some material with him. Banker says, "You'll maerge with my other client company. Your golden parachute kicks in. Then you exercise your stock options on the uptick." Alice and Dilbert review merger announcement. Alice says, "You rarely see a merger announcement with the phrase, 'So long suckers.'" Dilbert softly says, "Ouch."