dilbert: how are the tech support calls going?
dogbert: great. i'm blaming all of our product flaws on climate change, and people are totally buying it.
dilbert: that doesn't make sense.
dogbert: you'd be surprised how little that matters.
wally to boss and dilbert: sorry i'm late. my alarm didn't go off because my town lost power and my phone battery died. and we lost power because the state closed down the lost coal power plant to reduce co2 emissions. so really, the fault lies with climate change, not me.
dilbert: (slow clap)
Dilbert stands outside looking at his roof and says to the garbageman, "I hope it doesn't rain until my roof gets shingled." The garbageman asks, "Why don't you use your personal chaos-driven climate control appartus to control the rain?" Dilbert looks at him and says, "I...uh...don't have one." The garbageman holds out a gadget and says, "Here, you can use mine. Just reset the randomizer when you're done."
Boss: I invited a climate scientist to explain the risk of climate change to our company. Man: Human activity is warming the earth and will lead to a global catastrophe. Dilbert: How do scientists know that? Man: It's easy. We start with the basic science of physics and chemistry. Then we measure changes in temperature and CO2 over time. We put that data into dozens of different climate models and ignore the ones that look wrong to us. Then we take that output and run it through long-term economic models of the sort that have never been right. Dilbert: What if I don't trust the economic models? Man: Who hired the science denier?
the boss: we'll need a scapegoat to blame for our failure on this project.
dilbert: no one will believe it wasn't our fault.
the boss: are you kidding?
the boss: people will believe anything.
the boss: we just have to be the first to frame the situation.
dilbert: i suppose we could make our lie sound credible.
the boss: that's overkill.
dilbert: we don't need to sound credible?
the boss: not even a little.
the boss is in ceo's office.
the boss: our project failed because of climate change.
ceo: that sounds right.
Boss: As my new pet employee, your job is to agree with everything I say in meetings. Can you do that?
Wally: Sure. How hard could it be?
Boss: Climate change is caused by gravity.
Wally: That's right!
Dogbert's tech support
female office worker: i can't figure out how to use your product.
dogbert: the problem is climate change. there is nothing you can do.
office worker: there must be something i can do.
dogbert's voice from phone: do you recycle?
Dilbert, Dogbert and an old woman sit on a park bench. The old woman says, "Men don't whistle at me anymore." The woman continues, "I credit the women's movement for making men more sensitive to how whistling degrades women." As Dilbert gets up to leave, Dogbert asks the woman, "What's the climate like on your planet?"
You work in a cubicle while your routers and servers have a private office with their own climate control. "The machines have taken over. Your job is to provide them with electricity." "And do you think those electronic voting machines care about your opinion?"
Man: Did you watch any of the debates? Dilbert: Stop right there. I'm barely clinging to the illusion that you're competent at your job. Don't talk about politics or it will only get worse. Man: Did you know China caused climate change by hogging the sun? Dilbert: And there it is.
