Close My Eyes Comic Strips
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227 Results for Close My Eyes
View 1 - 10 results for close my eyes comic strips. Discover the best "Close My Eyes" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday May 26,
2011
Tags #blaming, #quarreling, #work independantly, #close eyes, #fall back, #better than other people
Transcript
Dogbert: Today you'll learn how to work independently. In this exercise, I want you to put your arms at you side, close your eyes, and fall backward. Noise: Thud thud thud. Dogbert: And it's still better than working with other people.
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Saturday May 11,
2002
Tags #fix interface, #million dollars, #close eyes, #wish hard, #saving
Transcript
Dilbert points to a slide and says, "We can fix our incomprehensible user interface for a million dollars." Dilbert continues, "Or we can close our eyes and wish real hard that our users won't care." The Boss closes his eyes and wishes real hard. Wally turns to Alice and says, "He's saving a million dollars. What did you do today?"
Friday April 09,
2010
Tags #powerpoint proboscis, #medical condition, #nose grows, #long nose, #lie, #pinocchio, #close eyes, #grit teeth, #nose through face, #pain, #sting, #clench fists
Transcript
Asok says, "It's a medical conditions called sympathetic Powerpoint proboscis. My nose grows when other people lie." Man says, "I'm very concerned and interested in your condition, and not just because I'm trying to sell you something." Asok says, "Please stop." Asok says, "It might sting when I pull it out."
Monday April 26,
2010
Tags #deadline, #late, #engineer code, #lightsaber, #kill, #annoy, #flashlight, #yell, #close eyes, #mouth open, #office
Transcript
Dilbert says, "I cannot meet your arbitrary deadline, so the engineer's code requires me to kill myself with a lightsaber." Dilbert says, "But lightsabers haven't been invented yet. The best I can do is annoy myself with a flashlight." The Boss says, "Could you do this in the hall?" Dilbert says, "Annoyance before dishonor!"
Tuesday May 18,
2010
Tags #raise, #face front, #budget, #better than nothing, #annoyed, #yell, #mouth open, #close eyes, #shake fist, #angry
Transcript
The Boss says, "If you help bring in a new account, I'll give you a raise, unless there's no money in the budget then for raises." Alice says, "Please don't say what I think you're going to say next." The Boss says, "It's better than nothing." Alice says, "No it isn't!"
Friday January 05,
1996
Tags #beard, #close my eyes, #crazy beard, #new boss, #pet emplyee, #spin chair
Transcript
Ted, Alice and Dilbert sit at a conference table. Ted says, "As your new boss I have yet to select my 'pet' employee. I shall do this by closing my eyes and pointing the beard on my forehead." Ted sits facing away from the table with his eyes closed. He says, "To make it fair, I'll close my eyes while one of you spins my chair!" As Alice pushes Ted's chair into the stairwell Dilbert whispers, "Alice . . . Um . . . Technically this isn't 'spinning.'"
Thursday October 22,
1992
Tags #Dogbert, #doctor, #patients, #turbocharged, #x-ray, #machine, #waiting, #room, #eyes, #diagnoses, #arrive, #mail, #stroke, #genius, #schedule, #hypochondriacs
Transcript
Dogbert, who is holding a stethoscope, says to a room full of people, "Attention, all patients!" Dogbert continues, "I have turbocharged the x-ray machine and aimed it at the waiting room. Everybody close your eyes for five minutes then leave. Your diagnoses will arrive by mail." Dogbert walks away saying, "It was a stroke of genius to schedule all of the hypochondriacs for the same day."
Saturday July 19,
1997
Tags #famous person, #sandra bullock, #kevin spacey, #eats bacon, #kevin who eats bacon, #one degree away, #close to fascinating
Transcript
Dilbert sits at his PC. Ratbert says, "Give me the name of any famous person." Dilbert says, "Sandra Bullock." Ratbert puts his hands to his temples, closes his eyes and thinks. He says, "Sandra Bullock was in a movie with Kevin Spacey... and Kevin Spacey eats bacon." Ratbert says, "See that? Everyone on Earth is only one degree from someone named Kevin who eats bacon!" Dilbert says, "That is SO close to being fascinating."
Thursday December 15,
2011
Tags #industry & manufacturing, #manufacturing, #more green, #ac units, #elastic bands, #hats covered eyes, #don't shoot messenger, #elbonian, #engineering
Transcript
Boss: We told our Elbonian factory to be more green, so they turned off their AC units. The heat caused the elastic bands in their hats to stretch until their eyes were covered. And that's why we'll miss our ship date. CEO: They say you shouldn't shoot the messenger, but no one warns you how much you'll want to.
Thursday March 22,
2012
Tags #internet & world wide web, #research, #believe internet, #roll eyes, #ignorance, #science
Transcript
Dilbert: According to my research on the internet, Plan B will work best. Boss: I'm rolling my eyes because you believe everything you read on the internet. Dilbert: I should take a picture in case someone ever asks me if ignorance has a tell.