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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 22, 1994's comic on:


Tags #job pays, #headhunter, #move, #cold place, #drivers license, #look up gender, #phone call, #man, #inquiring about job

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Dogbert the headhunter Dogbert: The job pays a hundred thousand. But you'll have to move to a place thats so cold that mercury freezes. Man: I'll take it. How bad could it be? Dogbert: Keep your drivers license on you is you can look up your gender if you forget

Hot And Cold In The Office

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Hot And Cold In The Office - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 21, 2018's comic on:


Tags #temperature, #thermostat, #disagreement, #hot, #cold

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Alice: I accomplished nothing this week because the office is so cold my hands turned into blocks of ice. Dilbert: I accomplished nothing this week because the office is so hot I can't concentrate. Boss: Are the two of you the same species? Dilbert: That's a gray area because it would be impossible for us to mate.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 30, 2011's comic on:


Tags #hold press conference, #introduce cold fusion, #breakthrough, #lightbulb, #wires plugged, #low opinion, #jar with frosted glass, #overkill

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Dogbert says, "I'm ready to hold a press conference to introduce my cold fusion breakthrough." Dilbert says, "All you did is put a lightbulb in a jar. I can see the wires plugged into the outlet." Dilbert says, "You have a low opinion of people." Dogbert says, "I considered using a jar with frosted glass, but it seemed like overkill."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 31, 2011's comic on:


Tags #created cold fusion, #jar with light bulb, #more news, #camera guy

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Press Conference Dogbert says, "As you can clearly see, I have created cold fusion." Man says, "That's not cold fusion. It's just a jar with a lightbulb." Dogbert says, "Here's some more news: No one cares what the camera guy thinks." Woman says, "It's free energy!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 27, 2011's comic on:


Tags #fear, #rodents, #transcontinental journeys, #elbonia, #too cold, #airplanes, #operate, #underground route, #fly, #switzerland, #swear system, #sewerside mission, #warm jacket, #rat hammer

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The Boss says, "Asok, I need you to go to Elbonia. It's too cold for airplanes to operate there, so you'll need to use the underground route." The Boss says, "Fly into Switzerland and follow the sewer systems from there. Stick to the side of the sewer where it's dryer." Asok says, "It's a sewerside mission!" The Boss says, "You'll need a warm jacket and a rat hammer."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 20, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #poodle, #nightfall, #pound, #incarceration, #dream sequence, #dangerous, #place

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Dogbert: Don't worry, killer, I'll get us out of this pound by nightfall. Poodle: How? Dogbert: I used my one phone call to call a wrecking company to destroy this place. Poodle: That sound dangerous to me. Coming up: A near-death experience or possibly just a stupid dream sequence.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 29, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #doctor, #health, #nothing, #naked, #people, #thing, #cold, #office

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Dilbert sits on an examining table holding his arm. A man with a stethoscope says, "Here at the 'Jiffy Med Center' we do everything to keep your health costs down." The man continues, "In fact, none of us has any medical training so they pay us almost nothing." Dilbert asks, "Why do you do it?" The man grasps the stethoscope and replies, "I like putting this cold thing on naked people."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 25, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #comedy, #competition, #first, #joke, #old people, #dragged, #stage, #third place

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Dogbert asks Dilbert, "How did you do in the stand-up comedy competition?" Dilbert's clothes are tattered and he has bruises on his face. Dilbert replies, "I was halfway through my first joke -- about old people, when an elderly woman dragged me off stage and slapped the bejeezus out of me." Dilbert holds up a trophy and says, ". . . It was good enough for third place."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 07, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #ratbert, #carbon, #molecules, #shaped, #geodesic, #balls, #flash, #insight, #wrong, #place

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Dogbert sits on a pillow. Ratbert says to Dogbert, "I just realized that some carbon molecules must be shaped like hollow geodesic balls!!" Ratbert loses his balance and falls back saying, "Erk!!!" Ratbert lies on the floor. Dogbert thinks, "That's what happens when a flash of insight hits the wrong place."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 12, 1995's comic on:


Tags #original timeline, #12 months, #pitched in, #exact end date, #cold dark, #cheunk, #coal, #size, #forehead, #need flashlights, #sweaters, #nippy

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The Boss sits at a desk. Dilbert reads a printout and says, "Our original project time line was twelve months . . . But since you pitched in to help . . ." Dilbert continues, "I don't have an exact date, but it's roughly the same time that the sun becomes a cold dark chunk of coal the size of your forehead." The Boss says, "We'll need flashlights." Dilbert says, "And sweaters. It could get nippy."