Commence Failing Comic Strips
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Dilbert sits at a conference table between a women and the big stubborn guy. dilbert says, "You've all been chosen for this team because of y our talent and professionalism." Dilbert says, "Except for Dan, who is a big stubborn guy who will prevent our success." Dilbert says, "Shall we commence failing?" Dan says, "I can't do work without a vision statement."
The Boss: Our CEO cancelled his visit, He's sending his top aid, ZIMBU the monkey in his place. Dilbert: Isn't that typical? I spent a week exaggerating my accomplishments for this now he sends a stupid monkey! what could be more humiliating than trying to suck up to a monkey? Monkey: Failing at it?
"The company requires me to give failing performance reviews to 20% of my staff." "There are four of you, so that works out to...80% of a person." "Wally, your calf muscles and ankles are performing well, but the rest of you is monkey hurlage."
The boss says to Dilbert, "The key to success is to remain optimistic even when you fail." Dilbert says, "What's the point of succeeding if failing feels good too?" The boss says, "I'll read another page of the magazine article tomorrow and get back to you."
Dilbert is sitting at his computer. Wally approaches from behind and says, "I signed up for a yoga class." Wally continues, "They say it will help me achieve harmony and balance." Wally continues, "Failing at that, I plan to stare at stretchy women."
Headline: In Elbonia. Dilbert is wading through water towards Elbonians. Dilbert says, "Can anyone tell me why your mud delivery business is failing? Anyone?" One Elbonian raises his hand and says, "Is it because of the general economic slow down?" Another adds, "Dot-com meltdown?" Dilbert says, "And maybe because you sell mud to people who live in mud?" An Elbonian replies, "What if we call it fudge?"
Dilbert says to a jury, "I will prove that my client is too dumb to embezzle." Dogbert continues, "Or, failing in that, I'll prove that you're too dumb to know he did it." The judge starts, "Mister Dogbert..." Dogbert interrupts, "Don't get me started about you."
Catbert: "According to this report, our employees are afraid to take risks." The Boss: "We can train them to take risks by giving them stretch goals and punishing them for failing!" Catbert: "We did that to raise morale." The Boss: "It stopped all the complaining, didn't it?"
"Did you get all of the department heads to sign off on our business plan?" "No, they prefer to see us fail so they look good in comparison and there's more money in the budget for them." "How can we speed up this process?" "I'm failing as fast as I can."
The boss: I'm promoting you from legacy systems troll to scapegoat. Your job is to dress in a goat costume and take the blame for all of our projects failing. Ted: We milled another deadline. All in favor of slapping the goat...