Company Time Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Company Time

View 1 - 10 results for company time comic strips. Discover the best "Company Time" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hands free phone, insulting comments, boss directed, pointy haired, face transplant, baboon, personal calls, company time

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss is walking past Wally. Wally says, "You're an ignorant maggot. You disgust me." Wally continues, "You should get a face transplant from a baboon." The Boss exclaims, "What?!" Wally points to his headset and explains, "I'm not talking to you. I'm using my hands-free phone." The Boss replies, "Oh.. for a minute I thought... well, nevermind." Wally says, "Ha ha! You might be the most gullible moron in the galaxy!" Wally yells, "You pointy-haired, gray-suited pile of crud!!!" The Boss faces Wally, fuming with anger. Wally says into his headset, "Mom, can you hold? My excellent boss wants to talk to me." Wally asks sheepishly, "What?" The Boss exclaims, "No personal calls on company time!"

Dilbert Characters

Haircut On Company Times

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Haircut On Company Times - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hair, haircut, time, break

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Wally, do you have a minute? Wally: No. I have to get a haircut. Boss: You can't get a haircut on company time. Wally: I'm only cutting the hairs that grew on company time. Boss: How do you know which ones grew on company time? Wally: It's always hairs three and five.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags making personal calls, stealing, fist of death, eighty cents, talk to family, bill for overtime, being competetive, office supplies

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice sits at her desk. The Boss enters and says, "According to this phone bill, you've been making personal calls." The Boss continues, "That's like stealing from the company, Alice." Alice clenches her teeth, holds her fist and thinks, "Must . . . Control . . . Fist . . . Of . . . Death . . ." Alice looks at the telephone bill and says, "I only spent eighty cents to tell my family I was working late." Alice says, "Here's a dollar. The extra twenty cents is for the personal thought that I'm about to have on company time." Alice closes her eyes and imagines the Boss tied up with rope. She pictures handing him a stick of dynamite. Alice says, "And here's my bill for $40,000 in unpaid overtime that the company stole from me." The Boss replies, "That's not stealing; that's being competitive." Alice says, "I think I'll be competitive with a few bushels of office supplies later today."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss aprroaches, slices clicks comouter, filthy images, projecting himself, obvious, paranoid

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "Alice, I notice that you always click something when I approach." The Boss: "Obviously you've been using company time to look at indescribably filthy images." Alice: "And why does that seem so obvious to you?" The Boss: "Let's leave me out of this."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags huge time saver, final consulting, company, deadweight, employees.fired, company directory, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Ratbert: Here's my final consulting report on your company. Ive listed all the deadweight employees who should be fired. The Boss: This is the company directory. Ratbert: Finding that was a huge time saver.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags competitor from future, terminate company, issue, time travle, robot building skills, zombies

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "A competitor from the future is sending robots back in time to terminate our company." Dilbert says, "So far it's not much of an issue because their time travel technology is way ahead of their robot-building skills." Wally says, "Is that as fun as it looks?" Alice says, "Totally. They're like zombies, but crunchier."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags mobile (cell) phones, monkeys, company phone, chimps, time travled, own phone

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Do you know why I need to carry a company-issued phone plus my own phone? Boss: No. Dilbert: I think it's because our company policy was written by chimps who time-traveled from the fifties. Or do you have a better explanation. Boss: I really don't.

Time Travel By Printer

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Time Travel By Printer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, presentation, technolgy, molecular, scan, body, brain, time travel, 3d print, meeting

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert giving a presentation: i invented a device that can scan your body and brain at molecular level. now you can time travel by killing yourself and leaving instructions to 3d-print you back to life in the future when the technology is able. response: where will you find anyone dumb enough to test it? dilbert: have you ever attended a meeting at this company?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags car pool, saving planet, steal time, theif, hitch a ride, hero, ride in trunk, pretend, sneaky, leave work

View Transcript

Transcript

Russell: Gotta go. Carpool. Boss: Okay. See you tomorrow. Wally: I have to go too. Boss: Whoa! Sit back down. Wally: Why does the carpooler get to leave early? Boss: Carpoolers are like heroes that are saving the entire planet. You're more like a thief who is trying to steal time from the company. Wally: What if I hitch a ride home in the carpooler's trunk? That would make me a hero too. Boss: That sort of makes sense. Russell: I only pretend to have a carpool, but you're welcome to ride in my trunk. Wally: Deal!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags finance troll, bad time, report, accounting, Dilbert, witch, figures

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: This must be the company accounting department. I... I need to ask some questions about this b-budget report. Dilbert: Is this a bad time for you? Accounting Witch: Always.