Competent Coworkers Comic Strips
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98 Results for Competent Coworkers
View 1 - 10 results for competent coworkers comic strips. Discover the best "Competent Coworkers" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday January 02,
2011
Tags #annoyance, #eating & drinking, #lunchtime, #trivial decions, #lose faith, #humanity, #no hope, #vending machine, #fatasize, #competent coworkers
Transcript
Man says, "Dilbert, would you like to join us for lunch?" Dilbert says, "Where are you going?" Man says, "We haven't decided." Dilbert says, "In that case, no." Dilbert says, "I can't stand watching a small group of people trying to make a trivial decision." Dilbert says, "It makes me lose all faith in humanity." Dilbert says, "Food doesn't taste as good when you have no hope." Dilbert says, "I'll just get somehting from the vending machine and fantasize that my co-workers are competent." Dilbert says, "Let's see... what goes well with an unrealistic worldview?"
Sunday August 16,
2015
Tags #personality, #type, #introvert, #dominant, #submissive, #interpersonal, #relationship, #coworkers, #conflict, #argument, #competent, #magic, #psychology
Transcript
Coworker: The reason we keep having conflicts is because of our personality types. You're an impulsive, dominant personality and I am more of a... Alice: Useless waste of space? Coworker: I was going to say I'm a reserved, introspective, people-pleaser. One personality type is not better than the another. We just see things differently. Alice: How do you explain the fact that I have never had a conflict with anyone who is competent. Coworker: Give me a minute to reflect on that. Alice: Let me know when you're done believing in magic.
Thursday July 28,
1994
Tags #gerard depardieu, #ceo, #productive work, #overhead transparencies, #exaggerate value, #uglier coworkers, #actors
Transcript
The Boss: Our CEO will visit here next week. You all know what to do. Dilbert: we should stop all productive work and create overhead transparencies that exggerate our value. The Boss: and a few of our uglier coworkers will be replaced by actors. Dilbert: As long as its no Gerard Depardieu.
Wednesday July 22,
1998
Tags #earthlings, #susupicous, #competent and caring, #aliens, #aline dressed as boss, #helpful to carol
Transcript
In an alien space craft, two aliens converse with one another. One is dressed as The Boss and holds a 'The Boss' mask. The Boss is in a containment unit. The Boss alien says, "I think the earthlings are getting suspicious." As The Boss alien puts his mask on, the other alien replies, "Keep acting competent and caring. Our prisoner says that's how leaders act on their world." Back in the office, Carol sits at her computer terminal while The Boss says, "Carol, let me do the org chart on my PC. You have too much work already." Carol yelps, "AAAGH!"
Monday March 28,
2005
Tags #emotionally unstable coworkers, #prescribe meds, #wrong choice, #defects
Transcript
Dogbert: All of your problems are caused by emotionally unstable coworkers. "Try prescribing meds from the internet to fix their defects." Dilbert: Okay. That one was the wrong choice. Let's try something else." The Boss: "GRRRR!"
Monday November 21,
2005
Tags #hired abusive, #lying, #control freak, #difficult coworkers
Transcript
"I hired an abusive, lying, back-stabbing, control freak." "But don't worry, because I'm sending you to a class on how to deal with difficult coworkers." "Wouldn't it have been better to..." "I've heard bad things about that guy."
Saturday August 02,
2008
Tags #new cubilces, #boss, #coworkers, #picked one, #anything changed
Transcript
Dilbert says, "I've been away from work so long, I wonder if anything has changed." The Boss says, "You weren't here when we moved to new cubicles so your coworkers picked one for you."
Monday November 03,
2008
Tags #competent, #good judge of people, #hired, #lame resume, #not tall, #job interview, #hired on spot
Transcript
The Boss says, "Your resume is lame, but you're tall, so you must be competent." The Boss says, "You're hired. Let me show you around." The Boss says, "I'm what you call a good judge of people."
Wednesday November 26,
2008
Tags #coworkers, #beat up, #deal with difficult coworkers, #evil driector, #human resources, #business
Transcript
Catbert: Evil director of human resources Dilbert: Alice beat me up. You have to do something. Catbert: Here's a book on how to deal with difficult coworkers. Dilbert: This isn't quite what... Catbert: Try holding it in front of your face.
Thursday December 25,
2014
Incompetent Employee Budget Only
Tags #budget, #catch-22, #incompetence, #funds, #lose funds, #75% competent, #cubicle
Transcript
Boss: I only have enough in the budget to hire an employee who is incompetent half of the time. But if I don't use the budget, I will lose those funds next year. Employee: And I am proud to say that I'm 75% competent. Boss: I wish I could afford that.