Competitive Strategies Seminar Comic Strips
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68 Results for Competitive Strategies Seminar
View 1 - 10 results for competitive strategies seminar comic strips. Discover the best "Competitive Strategies Seminar" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday November 19,
2003
Tags #competitive strategies seminar, #house keeping, #energency, #stay seated, #no mens room
Transcript
"Welcome to the competitive strategies seminar." "First, some housekeeping. In the event of an emergency, stay seated so I'll have a clear path to the exit." "And... there is no men's room in the building as far as you know."
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Friday July 08,
2011
Tags #deterioration, #recessions, #20%, #competitive, #industry, #involve crime
Transcript
Boss: Our goal is to grow the top line by 20%. Dilbert: How will we do that with products that aren't competitive in an industry that isn't growing? Wally: Does it involve crime? Dilbert: If it does, blink once.
Saturday March 03,
1990
Tags #Dilbert, #urget, #memo, #employees, #important, #competitive, #proactive, #quality, #items, #pounding, #tingly, #day, #off
Transcript
Dilbert sits at his desk reading a memo. Dilbert reads, "Urgent memo to all employees:" Dilbert says, "Uh-oh. Looks important." Dilbert continues reading, "If we are to remain competitive, you must proactively improve quality on all actionable items!" Dilbert says, "Wow! That was inspiring. My heart is pounding. I'm all tingly . . . I'd better take the rest of the day off . . ."
Friday January 25,
1991
Tags #scientist, #defamation, #league, #bake, #sale, #fund, #raiser, #repeat, #fiasco, #competitive, #volcanoes, #indigenous, #fleeing, #horror
Transcript
At the Scientist Anti-Defamation League, a man says, "The bake sale fund raiser is Thursday." The man continues, "And let's not have a repeat of last year's fiasco when it got so competitive." On Thursday, Dilbert enters carrying a volcano and a man with a clipboard says, "Put it with the other volcanoes." Dilbert asks, "Did you notice the indigenous people fleeing in horror?"
Saturday July 14,
2012
Tags #banking, #deposit, #bank, #waste it, #hedging strategies, #honesty is refreshing, #money
Transcript
Bank Teller: Thanks for the deposit, sucker! We plan to waste it on complicated hedging strategies that we don't even understand. Dilbert: Your honesty is refreshing. Bank Teller: Thanks, but it makes cross-selling harder.
Tuesday June 15,
1993
Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #brochure, #seminar, #management, #zombies, #utilize, #paradigm, #vertical, #empowerment, #proactive
Transcript
Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss says, "I got a brochure for 'Dogbert's Seminar on Management Zombies.' I think you should go." Dilbert reads the pamphlet, "Learn how to use words like: utilize, paradigm, vertical, empowerment, and proactive in every sentence." Dilbert says, "I'm not sure I want to talk like that." The Boss says, "Come . . . Join us . . . Don't be afraid . . ."
Wednesday June 16,
1993
Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #management, #seminar, #optimistic, #creative, #individuals, #jargon-spewing, #corporate, #zombies, #donut
Transcript
Dogbert points to a picture of a man with a lightbulb over his head. Dogbert says, "Many of you come to my management seminar as optimistic, creative, clear-speaking individuals." Dogbert continues, "But with hard work, you can become jargon-spewing corporate zombies, like Carl here." Dilbert sits in the audience. Carl sits in a chair looking straight ahead and saying, "I want to dialogue with you about utilizing resources." Dogbert says, "Good boy! Here's a donut." Dogbert tosses him a donut.
Wednesday November 10,
1993
Tags #the boss, #alice, #Dilbert, #seminar
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert and Alice, "I found a seminar that will teach fire-walking as a way to build confidence." The Boss continues, "Each of you will have to walk barefoot over burning coals while I watch!" Dilbert asks, "But amazingly, we learn how to do it without injury, right?" The Boss replies, "No, that seminar costs a lot more."
Saturday November 13,
1993
Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #chair, #seminar
Transcript
Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on the hassock. Dilbert says, "I made it through the fire-walking seminar uninjured by wearing asbestos lined socks." Dilbert continues, "People always laughed because I lined my undergarments with asbestos - but who's laughing NOW?" Dogbert asks, "Have you always feared your butt would catch on fire?" Dilbert replies, "It's not the kind of thing you leave to chance."
Saturday September 14,
1996
Tags #dying comapny, #fully understand, #stock rose, #boneheaded, #competitive edge
Transcript
The Boss tells Dilbert and Wally, "In today's news, our company has decided to buy another dying company in a business we don't fully understand." The Boss continues, "Our stock rose five points on the announcement." Wally asks Dilbert, "Why does our stock go up every time we do something boneheaded?" Dilbert replies, "I like to think of it as our competitive advantage."