Compile Our Inputs Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

9 Results for Compile Our Inputs

View 1 - 9 results for compile our inputs comic strips. Discover the best "Compile Our Inputs" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #shopping, #nerdstrom, #compile family, #complimentary, #guarantee, #nice

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert walks into a store called Nerdstrom. A salesclerk says to Dilbert, "Hi, I'm Larry, and I'll be your personal shopping assistant." The salesman opens a measuring tape and says, "I'll start by measuring you, then I'll do your colors, then compile a brief family history for our records." The salesman continues, "Complimentary food and beverages will be served, and a masseuse is on call." Dilbert says, "I'm looking for a new pen . . . Maybe something in a Bic." The man says, "I recommend the blue. We guarantee it for life." Dilbert says, "Yes, this will do nicely." Back at home, Dogbert asks, "Was it expensive?" Dilbert replies, "Fortunately, I qualified for their identured servant plan."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 01, 1997's comic on:


Tags #going on vacation, #compile our inputs, #highest human potential

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk with Dogbert. A voice yells, "Hey, Dilbert! You'll never be hungry as long as you're workin' in this strip . . ." Billy from "Family Circus" says, ". . . 'Cause you're sure of THREE SQUARES every day!" Billy continues, "Some of us hafta keep goin' around in circles!" Dilbert says into the telephone, "Security?" (This strip was drawn by Bill Keane, creator of "Family Circus," for April Fools' Day.)

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 31, 2008's comic on:


Tags #company news letter, #compile beta test, #in memorium, #newsletter

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Wally, are you busy? Wally: Yes, I'm reading the 'In Memoriam' section of our company newsletter." The Boss: When you're done, can you compile the beta test results?" Wally: Sure. Just as soon as I get the data from... Larry."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 15, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #emergency, #budget, #exercise, #estimate, #impact, #replacing, #engineers, #summarize, #bullet

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk. A woman says, "Dilbert, I need you to stop everything and do this emergency budget exercise." The woman explains, "Estimate the budget impact of replacing all the engineers with decorative plants." The woman says, "Later, I'll summarize everybody's inputs into a bullet point, like 'oxygen is good.'" Dilbert asks, "Would these be rented plants?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 04, 1998's comic on:


Tags #computer problems, #stupid software, #code rage, #throws computer

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice in her cubicle with frustrated look on her face shaking her computer says, "Stupid software! Won't compile, eh??" Asok the Intern walks past Alice's cubicle as she tosses the computer screen over her cubicle wall. Asok the Intern on floor. Policeman writes on notepad. Dilbert stares down at Asok the Intern. Policeman says to Dilbert, "We call it 'code rage.' I'm seeing a lot of it lately."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 21, 1998's comic on:


Tags #fast email, #boss confused, #priorities, #program compiling, #weasel, #Dilbert, #ignore email, #winning argument important

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss sits at his desk in front of his computer, looking at his watch. The Boss says, "What the...?" The Boss goes into Dilbert's cubicle and says, "You respond too quickly to my e-mail." The Boss continues, "Obviously, you aren't focusing on priorities." Dilbert turns and replies, "I do e-mail while my program is compiling." The Boss says, "You can't weasel out of this with your technical mumbo jumbo." Dilbert says, "You win. I'll ignore your e-mail from now on." The Boss walks back to his office and thinks, "The important thing is that I win." The Boss sits in front of his computer and thinks, "I wonder if MY programs ever compile."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 23, 2005's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"Wally, I've been watching you for half an hour and you've done no work." "I'm waiting for my program to compile while I design the next module in my head." "Could you grimace so I know you're working?" "Here you go."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 17, 2009's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #lying, #disgust, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "Our risk management software says your idea is too risky." The boss says, "Try reducing one of the inputs." Dilbert says, "Which one?" the boss says, "Honesty" Dilbert says, "I just threw up in my mouth."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 12, 2009's comic on:


Tags #assignment, #useless, #questioning, #ridiculous

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "Dilbert, I want you to audit the software we have on our systems." Dilbert says, "Why?" The boss says, "So we know what we have." Dilbert says, "Who will use the information?" The boss says, "It's just important to have." DIlbert says, "It will be out of date before I'm even done." The boss says, "Do your best." Dilbert says, "The best way to compile inaccurate information that no one wants is to make it up." The boss says, "I hope no one ever comes here to learn our best practices."