Search Results for "completed"
Share September 26, 1992's comic on:
Dogbert hands a photograph to a man behind a desk and says, "Here is photo proof that I completed my hit-man contract on Dilbert." The man replies, "Excellent." Dogbert says, "Here he is, sitting lifeless in his stuffed chair." The man looks at the picture and says, "It looks like he's just watching television." Dogbert says, "Technically, my contract doesn't say I must kill him. It says I must 'prove he has no life.'"
Share January 10, 2000's comic on:
The boss is sitting at his desk and Asok asks him: "I completed all my assigments. How many I be of service now?" The boss starts digging through his trash can and says: "I think I have something in here." Asok is sitting at his computer with a crumbled piece of paper in his hands, he thinks: "My other assigments were on wrinkled paper, too."
Share April 26, 2000's comic on:
The Engineering Liason says to Dilbert, "Tell me your project status and I'll translate for our clients." Dilbert says, "The project will never be completed because our idiot clients change the requirements every other day." The Engineering Liason responds, "I'll just say you're drunk."
Share February 16, 1991's comic on:
Dilbert arrives at home wearing a backpack. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "We have completed our obligation to take a vacation." Dogbert walks in the door and says, "As usual, we hated every minute of it." Dilbert sits in a chair and Dogbert sits on his leg. Dilbert asks, "Why do we do it every year?" Dogbert replies, "My theory is that you're stupid."
Share June 24, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert sits at his desk working on his computer. The Boss says, "Yesterday we ran out of acronyms. Today we used our last accounting code. We're in big trouble." Dilbert asks, "Why don't we just reprogram the computers to accept longer codes?" The Boss replies, "A project like that would need an acronym and an accounting code." Dilbert asks, "Why not reuse a code from a project that's complete?" The Boss says, "Oddly enough, we've never completed a project."
Share July 29, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert and Dogbert look at a model of Dilbert's Bioworld experiment. Dilbert says, "I've completed the design for Bioworld. Have you selected the volunteers?" Dogbert replies, "Yes." Dilbert reads a list and says, "So . . . These are the brave people whose lives will depend on my ability to engineer a balanced ecology." Dilbert says, "Seven car salesmen plus Ratbert . . ." Dogbert says, "Coincidence."
Share July 22, 2012's comic on:
Based on a true story Coworker: I completed the wireframe and passed it off to our coders. Dilbert: That's great. Did you incorporate all of my specs? Coworker: I didn't see any specs from you. Maybe my spam filter ate your email. Dilbert: No problem. I'll resend them and you can start from scratch. Coworker: Yes, I certainly could do that. Or I could ignore your input, enjoy my deep feeling of accomplishment and hope for the best. Wally: That sounds easier. Coworker: I accept your wise counsel, Wally. I guess your search for relevance marches on.
Share June 06, 1996's comic on:
Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table with a vendor. Wally says, "You must do our bidding, Vendor. We control your economic future." Dilbert says, "Of course, our buying decision will be based solely on quantifiable performance measurements." Dilbert stands at the end of the table holding a hoop. The salesperson is on his hands and knees on the table. Dilbert says, "Your competitor completed the 'Vendor Challenge Course' in 37 seconds." Wally adds, "And he gave us VERY nice t-shirts."
Share March 15, 2002's comic on:
Wally asks Asok, "Have you completed your skills inventory?" Asok responds, "I'm submitting it now." Wally says, "They use that information to transfer you to jobs you don't want." Wally continues, "You'll be okay as long as you didn't check any of the boxes in the hazmat section." Asok clenches his fists and says, "Stupid stupid stupid."
Share August 17, 2005's comic on:
Topper vs. a Customer "I competed in the Iditarod, an 1,150-mile dogsled race lasting 15 days, over the world's toughest terrain." "That's nothing. I completed the race while pretending to be one of your dogs." "Now I don't want to buy from your company." "That's nothing. Now I plan to burn my company to the ground!"