Computer Guru Comic Strips
638 Results for Computer Guru
View 1 - 10 results for computer guru comic strips. Discover the best "Computer Guru" comics from Dilbert.com.
The caption says, "Saint Dogbert enters the Land of Cubicles searching for the demons of stupidity." Dogbert walks down the hall wearing a bishop's miter and holding a scepter. The caption says, "Suddenly he finds an over-promoted computer guru spouting useless database concepts." A man sits at a conference table with two glassy-eyed co-workers. The man says, "You'd be fools to ignore the boolean anti-binary least-square approach." The caption says, "The monster is dispatched to the dark world by the sight of its most feared object." Dogbert stands on the conference table holding a document in front of the man. Dogbert says, "Look! Actual code!" The man's head melts into his shirt and a co-worker says, "Cool!"
Boss: We're going into the tablet computer business. And by that I mean other companies will make the product and we'll design the logo. And by that I mean we'll pay another company to design the logo for us. Alice: Can we watch?
Dilbert: My brainwave reader invention can control the nearest computer with my thoughts. Boss: Why am I seeing a video of a blurry image that looks like you slapping another blurry thing that looks like me? Dilbert: I don't think it's fair to complain about the video quality of the beta version.
Dilbert: My brain reader invention allows me to control any nearby computer. Co-worker: That's nothing! My phone can... Dilbert: I did that with my mind. Co-worker: That's nothing! I made you do it!
Boss: How's your quantum computer prototype coming along? Wally: Great! The project exists in a simultaneous state of being both totally successful and not even started. Boss: Can I observe it? Wally: That's a tricky question.
Dilbert sits at his desk and says, "Wow! According to my computer simulation, it should be possible to create new life forms from common household chemicals!" Dogbert says, "This raises some thorny issues." Dilbert asks, "You mean legal, ethical and religious issues?" Dogbert replies, "I was thinking about parking spaces."
Dilbert sits at his desk working on his computer. Dilbert says to Dogbert, who is sitting next to him, "I've designed this program to generate the most effective pick-up line in the universe." Dilbert continues, "Ha ha! Women will be helpless when they hear my clever opener. . . . And the line is . . ." Dilbert reads on the screen, "Hi. I'm Mel Gibson. Did you see a dingo dog go by here with my shirt?" Dogbert says, "Kiss me, you wicked savage."
Dilbert sits at a desk working on his computer. Dilbert says, "There . . . I've plotted Jenny Dworkin's normal speed, habits and tendencies into my computer." Dilbert tells Dogbert, "Now I'll be able to predict her location and bump into her as if by chance." Dogbert asks, "Why don't you just call her, say you like her and ask her out?" Dilbert replies, "No. That would seem too contrived."
Dilbert sits at his desk working on his computer and Dogbert sits next to him. Dilbert says, "My computer has determined the funniest words in the world . . ." Dilbert continues, "They include: chainsaw, weasel, prune and any reference to 'Gilligan's Island.' Now I can make my own jokes!" Dilbert says to Dogbert, ". . . So then the skipper gets attacked by this prune-eating weasel with a chainsaw . . ." Dogbert laughs.