Confirmed Comic Strips

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10 Results for Confirmed

View 1 - 10 results for confirmed comic strips. Discover the best "Confirmed" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #confirmed, #supreme court, #improper, #goal, #conquering, #world, #enslaving, #humans, #withdrew, #unwritten, #rules

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A member of the Senate Judiciary Committee says, "Mister Dogbert, do you realize that if confirmed for the Supreme Court . . ." The senator continues, "It would be improper to pursue your stated goal of conquering the world and enslaving all humans?" The senator next to him is asleep and snoring. Back at home, Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on the hassock. Dilbert asks, "You withdrew?" Dogbert replies, "Apparently there are all these 'unwritten' rules."

Dilbert Characters

Cooties Diagnosis

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Cooties Diagnosis - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #confirmed, #cooties, #diagnosis, #doctor, #medicine, #Opinion, #professional, #skepticism, #symptom, #test

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doctor: in my professional opinion, you have a bad case of the cooties. we don't have any tests for cooties, but the main symptom is skepticism, and you have that. dilbert: cooties are not real. doctor: diagnosis confirmed.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #date, #dilbert nervous, #date aware, #hypotheisis, #hold hands, #one clammy, #hand loses ontrol

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LIZ: I can tell that you like me because you don't quite know what to do with your hands. DILBERT: To test my hypothesis I will hold this hand and observe the change. LIZ" The "Control" hand remains limp and clammy. It twin loses control, Hypothesis confirmed. thupa thupa thupa thupa thupa

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #weekly wally report, #worthless iput, #harmful advice, #ignored email, #priorities, #my budget estimates, #any success, #format

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"The Weekly Wally Report is bristling with tales of success." "I gave worthless input to marketing because they weren't specific about what they wanted." "I missed Alice's project meeting because she never confirmed the location." "I gave harmful advice to the sales team because they rushed me." "I ignored my email for a week because you said to focus on priorities." "And I didn't submit my budget estimates because Asok never told me what format to ues." "How can you call any of that success??!!" "Well, I'd compare it to my written objectives, but you never gave me any."

Why All The Women Leave

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Why All The Women Leave - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Women, #technology, #quitting, #repulsion, #standards, #gender, #hiring, #sabotage

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Boss: Why do all of the women I hire quit within the first week? Wally: I'm guessing they have high standards, or something along those lines. Boss: They seem to quit soon after they meet you. Wally: Hypothesis confirmed.

What The Boss Said

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What The Boss Said - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #secret, #accusation, #privacy, #following, #bathroom, #restroom, #personal space

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Ted: I think you know something about my project and your boss told you to keep quiet. Ha! You just confirmed it by avoiding eye contact! Dilbert: Maybe you could get your own stall? Ted: Why? What do you have to hide?

Wally's Project Is Not Confirmed

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Wally's Project Is Not Confirmed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #memory, #obliviousness, #managers, #executives, #hubris

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Boss: Wally says he has a secret project he can't tell me about. Did you give him that project? CEO: I don't remember every little thing I've ever done. Boss: My best strategy here is to think about other things.

Scientists Confirm We Are Simulations

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Scientists Confirm We Are Simulations - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #reality, #simulation, #aliens, #alternate universe, #perception

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News: Scientists confirmed that our reality is actually a software simulation created by an advanced civilization. Dilbert: That makes no sense unless the advanced civilization is a bunch of psychopaths who like to see us suffer. Catbert1: One of the idiots in our simulation is insulting us. Catbert2: I'm going to break his phone screen.

Bad Denials

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Bad Denials - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #spying, #elbonia

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ceo: have you confirmed that the cyber attacks are coming from elbonia? dilbert: no. ceo: i guess that means you are on their side. dilbert: what? catbert: what proof do you have that dilbert is a spy? ceo: he didn't deny it the way I think he should have.

Hallucinations At Meetings

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Hallucinations At Meetings - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #server, #hallucinate, #network

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in conference room. dilbert: i recommend we upgrade one of our servers over the weekend. office workers: so, just to be clear, you want to replace our entire network in two days? dilbert: um...no. i want to replace one defective server. office worker: we can't replace our entire network in two days! that is ridiculous! dilbert: i don't know what is happening right now. dilbert: it's as if they things i say have no impact on what you hallucinate you are hearing. office worker: you think you can replace an entire network in two days, and you think i'm the one who is hallucinating? dilbert: i don't know what to do right now. office worker: your incompetence is confirmed.