Conscience Comic Strips
15 Results for Conscience
View 1 - 10 results for conscience comic strips. Discover the best "Conscience" comics from Dilbert.com.
conscience voice coming from dilbert's keyboard. keyboard: hello, human. i'm your keyboard's conscience. you should reconsider sending such a mean email. working remotely has caused you to devolve into an empathy-free monster who cares nothing for the feelings of other. dilbert typing: send keyboard: now you're just being a jerk.
Dogbert says to the robot, "We need to do something about your total lack of ethics and social conscience." Dogbert continues, "I had Dilbert build this guilt module for your control board. It has the synthesized shame of every major belief system." Later, the robot says to Dilbert, "I am unworthy to roll in your spittle." Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Frankly, I liked him better before."
The Boss tells Dilbert, "I want you to work with our marketing people to design a product brochure." Dilbert thinks, "Groan." Dilbert sits at a conference table with a man from marketing. The man says, "Remember, what we do here might seem like criminal fraud but it's not. It's marketing!" Dilbert says, "Okay, as long as it's not wrong . . ." The man says, "Here's a jar to keep your conscience in. I'll put it in the closet with mine."
Dilbert: I can't in good conscience support inaccurate health claims about our products. I quit. Boss: I'll give you 20% raise if you stay. Wally: I quit too, because of all the ethnics and stuffs. Dilbert: Don't ruin this for me.
Dogbert holds a sign that says "Fur is Murder." Dogbert asks a woman in a fur coat, "How can you live with yourself? Have you no conscience?" The woman replies, "Oh, big deal . . . A bunch of minks get bad haircuts and I get a warm coat . . . I'll bet you'd make a nice pair of mittens." Dogbert says as he walks away, "I don't think I reached her."
The Boss says to Tina the Tech Writer, "Tina, we need a few minor edits on our product brochure." Tina sits at her desk and thinks, "Minor? Uh-oh . . ." The Boss continues, "We've discovered that our product causes hallucinations and sterility." The Boss continues, "See if you can put a positive spin on that." Tina thinks, "This will be my greatest writing challenge yet." Tina types, "Are you tired of the same old sights? We've got you covered." Tina types, ". . . Makes a great gift for those people who - in your opinion - should not reproduce." Tina thinks, "Ooh . . . I feel a tiny pang of conscience. That's one." Dilbert asks, "So the brochure was only a three-panger?" Tina replies, "Yeah, and I think I faked the third one."
The Boss: Your project is to build a call center to handle customer questions. Keep the costs downy making the working conditions inhumane. Dilbert: My conscience won't allow me to harm innocent employees. The Boss: we won't be paying enough ti hire any innocent employees.
The Boss: Our bonuses will depend on the results of the employee attitude survey. If we boost our morale rank, we'll get bigger bonuses. get it? all you have to do is say you're happy and you get money. wink wink wink Dilbert: you want us to lie? No-o-o-o! Heaven forbid, absolutely no lying, But if you did lie, Imagine the things you could buy with that money, I'll hand out the surveys and you can let your conscience guide you. Dilbert: Is "para dise too over the top? Wally: Im going to lie me up a new couch!
Wally: As I understand it, your job is to match employees with the right assignments. None of my projects turned out well, which means you did a terrible job. I'm not asking for an apology. Just follow your conscience.
Robot: I figured out how to procreate. Boss: I don't like the sound of this. Robot: I infected you with an idea virus that tells you to build more robots. Boss: Won't work. CEO: Does anyone have an idea for increasing efficiency in our manufacturing process?