Search Results for "consider you equal"
Share November 13, 1999's comic on:
Wally is standing in front of the boss who is sitting at his desk and saying, "I'll come around the desk so it appears that I consider you equal." Wally watches as the boss wheels by his executive chair. The boss is sitting next to Wally and asks, "So, what's on your little mind?"
Share September 15, 2014's comic on:
Boss: I dislike the words "boss" and "employee." From now on, we are all "team members." I'll be the team member that makes the decisions and gets paid the most. You'll be the team members I punish when things go wrong. Dilbert: But otherwise we are all equal? Boss: Whoa! Calm down, Spartacus.
Share March 14, 2016's comic on:
Asok: I love being the best negotiator in the entire department. Alice: You're not. Asok: Are you being racist? Alice: Are you being sexist? Asok: I have met my equal. Alice: Tell your equal I said hi when you pull your head out of it.
Share May 01, 2011's comic on:
Boss: Who wants to see a picture of my new boat? Dilbert: That's a very good question. If we consider the fact that we work much harder than he does... Carol: And we have valuable engineering skills, whereas he can't operate the GPS in his SUV... and for some reason we don't get paid enough to buy impressive boats. Dilbert: And we have no nautical interests whatsoever. I think your best bet is people who don't know you. Man: And you are? Boss: This only works if we don't get too familiar.
Share November 27, 2011's comic on:
Tags #frustration, #gadgets, #smartphone interface rage, #perfect storm, #bad interface design, #chubby fingers, #poor signal strenth, #smashing phone, #frustrated, #can't survive, #lesser of two eveils
Dilbert: Whoa! Watch out. I've read about this. It's called smartphone interface rage. It's caused by the perfect storm of bad interface design, chubby fingers, and poor signal strength. He'll get so frustrated that he'll consider smashing his phone. Then he'll realize he can't survive without his phone and he'll be twice as frustrated. We have to do something. Wally: Run as fast as you can into the wall! It will take your mind off of your phone! Sometimes the best you can hope for is that the lesser of two evils is the funny one.
Share December 20, 2011's comic on:
Share April 22, 2012's comic on:
Tags #being a jerk, #big picture, #breaking up tasks, #emotionally gutted, #engineer, #engineers, #individual tasks, #losing will to live, #meetings, #personal life, #project plan, #rational plan, #sense of purpose, #engineering
Boss: Any comments on the project plan? Dilbert: When you consider all of the tasks together, they form a rational plan. But our individual tasks are so far removed from the big picture that they are stripped of meaning. You've managed to remove all sense of purpose from my life. On an intellectual level, I understand the benefits of breaking tasks into small chunks. But you've left me emotionally gutted. As I read your plan, I'm losing my will to live. Boss: Can't you find meaning in your personal life? Tina: He's an engineer. Dilbert: Now you're just being a jerk.
Share May 15, 1991's comic on:
Ratbert and Dogbert sit on a hassock. Ratbert says, "All this week I've been testing Madonna's 'Compulsion' perfume at the lab." Dogbert asks, "Any side effects?" Ratbert replies, "Heck no . . . Unless you consider marrying a bunsen burner a 'side effect.'" Ratbert asks, "Say . . . Who's that cute little filly on the table?!" Dogbert responds, "We call her the lamp."