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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 17, 1998's comic on:

Tags #ken the skeptic, #contents of envelope, #charcoal drawing, #woodchuck, #small orange, #little frauf, #ink drawing, #beaver eating tangerine

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Ken the Skeptic... Ken holds an envelope and says, "I alone know the contents of this envelope." Ratbert sits on a stool. Ratbert holds his hands to his temples and says, "It's a charcoal drawing of a woodchuck eating a small orange." Keen says, "Nice try, you little fraud, but that's a long way from an ink drawing of a beaver eating a tangerine."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 14, 1997's comic on:

Tags #address envelope, #death penalty, #helpless, #master plan, #one way trip, #solve small problems, #speaking engilsh, #training, #south korea

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The Boss holds a letter and says, "Carol, how do I address an envelope?" Carol, his secretary, sings, "I'll do it." Carol explains to Dilbert, "I'm training him to be helpless." She says, "It's part of my master plan to eliminate him." Carol says, "I do everything for him. Soon he'll lose his ability to solve small problems alone." She says, "Then I'll 'accidentally' book him on a one-way trip to South Korea." Carol says, "Before he goes, I'll tell him they have a death penelty for speaking English." Carol laughs a maniacal laugh and says, "We'll never see him again. Buwahaha!" Dilbert walks off and says, "It's worth a shot." The Boss calls from his office and says, "Carol, how do I dial for an outside line?" Carol says, "I'll do it."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 09, 2004's comic on:

Tags #shave beard, #time slows, #to crawl, #envelope licker

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"I decided to shave off the beard I grew when I was waiting for my boss to get off the phone." "Beard? I hadn't noticed." "This will take awhile, so I'll wait until time slows to a crawl and do it then." "Did I ever tell you about my first job as an envelope licker?" "Click"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 26, 2010's comic on:

Tags #long email, #waste of time, #deleted, #free to tell, #contents, #without reducing prodcutivity, #improving communication

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Coworker says, "Did you read my long e-mail?" Dilbert says, "Not yet. What's it about?" Coworker says, "I can't say." Coworker says, "If I tell you what I wrote, the effort I put into writing the e-mail will be transformed into a waste of time." Dilbert says, "I just decided to delete your e-mail before reading it. Therefore it is already wasted." Dilbert says, "You are now free to tell me its contents without reducing your productivity." Coworker says, "Oh. Okay." Coworker says, "It was something about improving communication. But I worded it better." Coworker says, "Maybe you should read it." Dilbert says, "Maybe you should."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 05, 2001's comic on:

Tags #key employees, #Catbert, #write in, #insane, #hr department, #interoffice envelope, #same job as enevelope, #funkey, #downsize employees

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The Boss hands a piece of paper to Carol and says, "Carol, take this list of key employees to Catbert." Carol looks at the list and says, "I don't see my name on here. Should I write it in?" The Boss responds, "Um.. no. You're not a key employee." Carol stands up and screams, "What?! Are you insane?!! If I'M not key, who is?" She continues, "Do you think this list can walk to the H.R. department on its own?" The Boss responds, "Well, I could put it in an interoffice envelope and mail it." He continues, "Basically, you have the same job as an envelope." Carol hands Catbert the list. Catbert asks, "Why do I need to downsize these employees?" To which Carol answers, "Because they're funKEY, just like it says."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 18, 1989's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #writing, #policeman, #legal, #size, #paper, #bribe

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Dilbert sits at a desk writing a letter. Dogbert asks, "Who are you writing to?" Dilbert replies, "My uncle Max, the policeman." Dogbert says, "You can't write to a cop on regular size paper! You have to use legal size paper!" Dilbert says, "Don't panic." Dogbert says, "I get it -- he looks the other way for family members." Dilbert says as he puts money in the envelope, "I send a bribe."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 1990's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #outbox, #mail, #outgoing mail, #fish, #weather, #small talk, #errands

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Dilbert stands in front of a desk. A voice from the out box says, "Hey! Big guy, how are ya?" An envelope peeks out of the box and says, "How's the family? You look great . . . Nice weather, huh?" Dilbert walks away thinking, "I hate outgoing mail." The envelope yells, "Do you fish?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 23, 1992's comic on:

Tags #christmas presents, #Dilbert, #Wally, #christmas, #gift, #cd player, #Card, #shallow, #gesture

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Dilbert sits at his desk. Wally enters holding an envelope and says, "I'm collecting money for a gift to a poor family this Christmas." Dilbert opens his wallet and asks, "What are you buying them?" Wally replies, "A CD player." Dilbert says, "Thank you for making this the most shallow gesture of my life." Wally says, "I'll add your name to the card."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 24, 1993's comic on:

Tags #trial, #judge, #Dogbert, #jury, #Men, #Women, #civil suit

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Dogbert says to the members of the jury, "Before you decide who wins this civil suit, remember this . . ." Dogbert continues, "I can't legally offer you large cash kick-backs for deciding in my favor. But please take a moment to complete a self-addressed stamped envelope." The judge asks, "What are you doing?" Dogbert replies, "I'm trying to establish 'reasonable doubt.'"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 30, 1994's comic on:

Tags #does not meet needs, #publishing needs, #plot was lame, #hated characters, #association, #insulting author, #mean publisher, #insulting publisher

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"Dogbert the Publisher" "Dear Tim, your book does not meet our current publishing needs." "Your plot was lame and I hated your characters. And by association I have come to hate you too." "For safety reasons, I hired an illiterate person to rip up your manuscript. I would use the return envelope you provided but I'm afraid you might have licked the stamps."