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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 12, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #sheep, #rancher, #worked, #asleep, #count, #sleep study, #Wally

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Dilbert and Wally stand in front of the coffee machine. Wally says, "I was a sheep rancher before I worked here." Dilbert asks, "How many sheep did you have?" Wally says, "I'm not sure . . ." Wally continues, "Every time I tried to count them, I feel asleep."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 14, 1998's comic on:

Tags #sex symbol, #wats inside, #doesn't count, #philosopher, #point

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Dilbert holds an issue of Playgirl featuring Dogbert on the cover. Dogbert wears black dress socks and nothing else, except his silly putty beauty tumor. Dilbert says, "How does it feel to be a sex symbol?" Dogbert says, "Good." Dogbert sits on the arm of the couch wagging his tail and says, "I realized that what's inside a person doesn't count because no one can see it." Dilbert says, "I didn't realize you were such a philosopher." Dogbert says, "That's my point!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 22, 1998's comic on:

Tags #Catbert, #evil hr dircetor, #vacation policy, #more vacation days, #restroom breaks, #count as vacation, #porcelain cruise

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Catbert enters a meeting. Dilbert and the Boss are already there. Catbert, sitting between Asok the Intern and Dilbert, begins, "There's been a slight change in the vacation policy." Asok asks, "Are we getting more vacation days?" Catbert responds, "You must be new here." Catbert continues, "As you know, all vacation time must be used in the year it is earned." Catbert then says, "I realize this is not always convenient. So I've decided to be flexible." Catbert: "From now on, any time you spend in the restroom will count as vacation." The meeting is over. As Dilbert leaves, he says to Wally, "We should complain." Wally counters with, "If you need me, I'll be taking a porcelain cruise."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 04, 2001's comic on:

Tags #work ratio, #one in eight, #talking about work, #count as wrok

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Dilbert and Wally stand drinking coffee and talking. Wally asks, "What's the ratio of work to gabbing that is still considered 'work'?" Dilbert replies, "I'd have to say one-in-eight, maybe one-in-nine." Wally agrees, "Sounds right." Dilbert pauses and asks, "Does talking about work count as work?" Wally replies, "Well, I'm not enjoying it."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 2012's comic on:

Tags #work ethic, #great managing, #engaged, #disengaged, #praise and recognition, #encourage developement, #important job, #opinions count, #prodcutivity, #drop dead, #learn and grow

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Wally: Here's a list of the twelve elements of great managing. If you do everything on that list, it will make me feel what experts call "engaged." If you fail to do your job properly, I will feel all disengaged and do poor work. This would be a convenient time to give me some praise and recognition. You might also want to encourage my development and tell me my job is important. Remember to care about me as a person and tell me my opinions count. If you do all of that, plus seven more things on the list, you might get some productivity out of me. Boss: Leave my office and drop dead. Wally: Will that help me learn and grow?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 20, 2013's comic on:

Tags #dating, #internet & world wide web, #social media cosultant, #one like, #less than ten thousand, #insulting, #elbonian, #inflate your like count, #socialize, #wine glasses, #bar wine, #kiss, #relationships

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Dilbert: What do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a social media consultant. Dilbert: I like you. Woman: Phhht. You're giving me one like? Anything less than ten thousand likes is an insult. Dilbert: I'll be right back. I hired an Elbonian to artificially inflate your like count. Elbonian: Like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like. Dilbert: I am not paying that guy.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 12, 2011's comic on:

Tags #employees, #office workers, #worked at home, #work tonight, #leaving early, #work late, #business

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Boss: Leaving early? Dilbert: If you count the two hours I worked at home when I woke up, and the two hours I'll work tonight you'll come out way ahead today. Boss: How will I come out if you do all of that plus work late here?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 05, 2011's comic on:

Tags #rebellions, #riots, #violence, #rebel army, #social justice, #iron fisted dictator, #billionaire, #stain, #tank tread, #looting, #excited animals

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Dogbert: I'm forming a rebel army. Ratbert: Count me in! What are we fighting for? Dogbert: You'll be fighting for social justice and I'll be scheming to become an iron-fisted dictator. In the long run, I'll be a billionaire and you'll be a stain on a tank tread. Ratbert: Please, please say there will be looting.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 21, 2012's comic on:

Tags #dating, #rich people, #top 1%, #Women, #sisters, #hot, #attraction, #co worker, #relationships

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Wally: Now that I'm a top one-percenter, I wonder what kind of women I'll attract. Do you have any sisters back home? I'm asking because you'd be totally hot if you were a woman. So I'm thinking hoo-ah! Asok: I cannot count the number of ways this is wrong.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 12, 2012's comic on:

Tags #frustration, #tech support, #ticket window, #evaluated, #how helpful, #trouble tickets, #stubborness, #obsticle, #financial success, #disconnected, #new stranger, #hating

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Tech Support: Hello, this is tech support. May I close your ticket now? Dilbert: Um... no. You haven't helped me yet. I just called you. Tech Support: I'm not evaluated on how helpful I am. I'm evaluated on how many trouble tickets I close. Your stubbornness is becoming an obstacle to my financial success. By the way, if our call gets disconnected, I count that as a closed ticket. Dilbert: I'll make it quick. Tech Support: What? What? I can't hear you. Dilbert: Son of a beach ball! On the plus side, my goal of hating one new stranger every day is right on track.