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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 27, 1995's comic on:

Tags #changes to design, #work around clock, #work smarter, #not harder, #violate laws of physics, #create radiation, #ill user, #mention in documents, #beta tester

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Wally sits at his desk and Dilbert stands behind him. The Boss enters and says, "I made a few changes to the design." Dilbert reads a document and looks shocked. He says, "We'll have to work around the clock for months to make these changes!!" The Boss says, "Work smarter, not harder." Wally looks at the changes and says, "You're trying to violate the laws of physics!" The Boss replies, "Rules were made to be broken." Dilbert says, "This design would create enough radiation to instantly kill the user!!" The Boss walks away and says, "Be sure to mention that in the documentation." Dilbert says to Wally, "Let's work smarter not harder." Wally replies, "I think we found the only 'beta' tester we'll need."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 19, 2011's comic on:

Tags #radiation, #capital for testing, #handset radiation, #tumor, #stan

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The Boss: Which one of you asked for capital for testing handset radiation, Dilbert: That was Stan. and you told him to find a less expensive way to do it. The Boss: which one of you is Stan?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 26, 2011's comic on:

Tags #business ethics, #health insurance, #reduce expenses, #radiation dosimeters, #wrongness, #policy

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Boss: The company is trying to reduce expenses, so you need to pay for your own radiation dosimeters. Dilbert: We'll just stare at you until you understand the wrongness of that policy. Boss: Still nothing. One hour later

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 16, 2011's comic on:

Tags #office workers, #teds project, #overlap, #initiated discussions, #create framwork, #complementary architectures, #leadership

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Boss: Wally, have you done anything to address of your project with Ted's project? Wally: Yes, I've initiated discussions to create a framework that would allow us to adopt complementary architectures. Boss: So... nothing. Wally: When did we stop calling it leadership?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 02, 2011's comic on:

Tags #meetings, #standards meeting., #represent interests, #create standards, #mutually exclusive prefrences, #laughs

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Standards Meeting. Dogbert: Each of you has been chosen to represent the interests of your respective companies. As you know, the best way to create standards is to mash together a bunch of mutually exclusive preferences. I hope I'm not the only one who joined this group just for the laughs.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 2011's comic on:

Tags #business ethics, #stock market, #hedge fund, #million dollars, #insider trading, #algorithm, #winning trades, #create algorithm, #eat fiber, #money

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Dogbert: I'll pay you a million dollars a year to work at my hedge fund. I'll do the insider trading and you pretend you created an algorithm that makes winning trades. Dilbert: What if I actually create the algorithm? Dogbert: Sure, and maybe you can eat fiber and make gold, too.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 31, 1989's comic on:

Tags #computer, #park, #chemicals, #create, #issues, #technology

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Dilbert sits at his desk and says, "Wow! According to my computer simulation, it should be possible to create new life forms from common household chemicals!" Dogbert says, "This raises some thorny issues." Dilbert asks, "You mean legal, ethical and religious issues?" Dogbert replies, "I was thinking about parking spaces."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 29, 1989's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #broccoli, #vegetables, #radiation

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Dilbert says to Dogbert who is sitting in his chair, "Don't get too close to my lab today." Dogbert asks, "Why not?" Dilbert answers, "I'm using radiation to mutate new species of vegetables." Dogbert asks, "Isn't that dangerous?" Dilbert replies, "Funny, the broccoli asked me the same question."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 18, 1990's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #reflect, #create, #erasing, #accounting, #budget, #bradley, #troll, #witch, #budget report

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The caption says, "Dilbert is forced to work in the accounting department." Dilbert has turned into a troll. Bradley the Troll says, "First you must understand how numbers change reality . . ." Bradley continues, "Some people think numbers merely REFLECT reality . . . But we believe that numbers CREATE reality." Bradley shows Dilbert a room where an overseer cracks a whip at several other trolls. Bradley says, "This our budget-erasing room . . ." The supervisor yells, "Erase faster!!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 31, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #concern, #terminal, #radiation, #air, #bags, #time, #computer

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "We've addressed your concern about the potential safety hazard of computer terminal radiation." An air bag explodes out of a computer monitor and knocks Dilbert off his feet. Dilbert lies in a hole in the wall. A scientist with a clipboard says, "Air bags -- their time has come."