Creepy Business Practices Comic Strips
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1000 Results for Creepy Business Practices
View 1 - 10 results for creepy business practices comic strips. Discover the best "Creepy Business Practices" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday October 07,
2001
Tags #service anniversary, #20 years, #one year pins, #asked for money, #six years, #pay for pins, #card with wrong name, #unappreciative, #creepy business practices
Transcript
Alice is sitting at her computer. The Boss approaches from behind with a package in his hand and says, "Happy service anniversary, Alice." The Boss continues, "We're out of twenty-year pins so I got twenty of the one- year pins." The Boss hands Alice the package and says, "You can pin these babies all over your blouse... or fishing hat if you prefer." The Boss continues, "The card says, 'To Kathy' but it was never opened. For some reason she quit the day she got her twenty pins." The Boss continues, "Incidentally, I have to charge you $262 for the pins. The company doesn't pay for them." Alice holds the box angrily. Alice responds, "First of all, I've only worked here for about six years.." The Boss interrupts, "Wow, you look older. Anyway, just give me the $262 and throw away eight pins and we'll call it good." Alice rolls up her sleeve and shakes with anger. She holds one arm back with the other. The Boss asks, "Why are you rolling up your sleeve? Are you going to pin them to your arm?
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Wednesday April 06,
2011
Tags #managers & supervisors, #ventriloquism, #information overload, #libertarian, #taxidermist, #hand hole, #work, #like puppet, #creepy, #business
Transcript
Alice says, "His brain shut down from information overload, so I asked a libertarian taxidermist to stuff him." Alice says, "There's a hand hole in the back so we can work him like a puppet." Dilbert says, "It's sort of creepy." Alice says, "You'll get used to it."
Wednesday July 28,
2004
Tags #founder of compnay, #tug up, #copper wire, #replaced tombstone, #huge magnet, #business practivces, #spin in grave, #generate electricity
Transcript
"We dug up the founder of our company and wrapped him in copper wire." "Then we replace his tombstone with a huge magnet." "With any luck, our business practices will make him spin in his grave and generate electricity."
Wednesday December 11,
2002
Tags #boost revenues, #offshore, #subsidary, #lie to media, #criminal activity, #gag a rat, #corruption
Transcript
Dilbert, Ratbert, and Bob the Dinosaur are meeting. Dogbert says, "We'll artificially boost revenues by selling to our own offshore subsidiary." Dogbert continues, "Then we'll book our expenses to capital, lie to the media about our prospects, bribe an industry analyst, and cash out!" Ratbert grabs his own throat and gags, "Aak, Aak, Aak." Dogbert says, "I know I'm doing something right when my business practices gag a rat."
Thursday January 10,
2013
Tags #best customers, #combo pack, #creepy bearded guys, #potato chips, #retail business, #tissues
Transcript
Dogbert: Research shows that your best customers are creepy bearded guys. That same group also buys a high volume of potato chips and tissues. Boss: How's that help us? Dogbert: Two words: Combo Pack.
Friday January 11,
2013
Tags #cruelty, #managers & supervisors, #employment studies, #good boss, #getting riase, #less dysfunctional, #creepy dude, #business
Transcript
Catbert: Studies say employees prefer having a good boss over getting a raise. So instead of giving raises, pretend to be less dysfunctional. It's cheaper. Bwahahahaha!!! Boss: You're a creepy little dude.
Sunday January 06,
2002
Tags #best practices, #classified budget, #consultanats, #layoffs, #merger, #new ceo, #office relocation, #reorganized, #savings, #startegy, #whole industry, #budget freeze
Transcript
Dilbert points to a diagram that reads, "Year 1." He says, "The project got off to a slow start." Dilbert continues, "First we had the reorganization." Dilbert continues, "Then the merger. And the layoffs." Dilbert continues, "Budget freeze. Office relocation." Dilbert continues, "New Ceo, New consultants, New strategy." Business associates listen as Dilbert continues, "Eventually the whole industry changed and the opportunity evaporated." Dilbert continues, "So we classified our unused budget as "savings" and gave everyone a shirt. A female business associate turns to The Boss and says, "You said you'd show us your 'best practices.'" The Boss replies, "What are you implying?"
Sunday December 08,
2013
Tags #executives, #laziness, #managers & supervisors, #famous leaders, #copy, #16 hrs a day, #reading about industry, #leaders eat cake, #business
Transcript
Dogbert: I have studied the practices of famous leaders so you can copy them. First, work sixteen hours every day. Boss & CEO: Sixteen hours?? Dogbert: And in your spare time, you should be reading about your industry to stay current. Boss & CEO: Reading??? Dogbert: Oookay. This isn't working. Suppose I told you that famous leaders eat a lot of cake? That took a creepy turn.
Saturday August 09,
2014
Tags #friendship, #managers & supervisors, #netwrok, #career, #weird and creepy, #send email, #best friend, #relationships, #business
Transcript
Asok: Would you mind if I network with you to help my career? Boss: I would have said yes, but you made it feel all weird and creepy. Perhaps you could send me email that I won't read. Asok: That makes you my best friend!
Tuesday February 03,
2015
The Evil Robot Business
Tags #business ethics, #ceo, #evil, #executives, #robot, #sell robots, #manipulate owners, #titanium bolts
Transcript
Pointy-Haired Boss Becomes CEO. Boss: We're going into the evil robot business. We'll sell robots that psychologically manipulate their owners into buying unnecessary upgrades. Evil Robot: Your neighbor got titanium bolts for his robot. I guess that's what winners do. But your way is good, too.