Crushed Security Guard Comic Strips
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148 Results for Crushed Security Guard
View 1 - 10 results for crushed security guard comic strips. Discover the best "Crushed Security Guard" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday January 07,
2014
Tags #ironic, #irony, #statue crushed guard, #too soon, #word invention, #iron sculpture, #crushed security guard
Transcript
Dilbert: The iron sculpture in our lobby fell off its base and crushed a security guard. CEO: And that's where we get the word "ironic." Dilbert: It happened ten minutes ago. CEO: Oh, so it's "too soon?"
Monday August 17,
1992
Tags #Dilbert, #security guard, #entire, #mind, #transport, #magic, #wonder, #creativity, #balsa wood, #tastes
Transcript
Dilbert approaches the security guard in the lobby and thinks, "It must be great to be a security guard." Dilbert walks by the security guard and thinks, "You have the entire day to let your mind transport you to magic realms of wonder and creativity." The security guard thinks, "I wonder what balsa wood tastes like."
Friday September 29,
1995
Tags #alice sits boss, #approve expense voucher, #creature, #eats snacks, #security guard, #problem
Transcript
Dilbert stands in front of Alice's desk. Alice has a crown on her head and is holding a document in her hand. She says, "I will approve your expense voucher on one condition." Alice continues, "You must slay the creature who stalks the office at night and eats our hidden snacks." Dilbert holds a baseball bat in one hand and opens a drawer with the other. A mouse peers out of the drawer. Dilbert says to him, "It has to be either you or the security guard." The mouse answers, "Slay him first and see if the problem stops."
Sunday October 24,
1993
Tags #Dilbert, #garbageman, #security guard, #stealing
Transcript
A security guard says, "Have a nice night, Dilbert." The guard continues, "You can rest easy knowing I'll be guarding the building all night." The security guard continues, "To a criminal, this place must look like a big ol' shopping mall." The guard continues, "The cubicles are like little stores, each with it's own selection of quality merchandise." The guard continues, "If you knew where to look, you could get picture frames, postage stamps, clocks, and even footwear." Dilbert replies, "Oddly enough, you and the janitor are the only ones here at night, and yet my snack drawer keeps getting emptied." The security guard looks guilty and says, "It's totally inexplicable. Well, good night." The janitor asks the guard, "Shall we head over to 'Chez Dilbert'?" The security guard replies, "Later . . . There's a sale at 'Wally's Shoe World.'"
Sunday March 05,
1995
Tags #security guards in space, #need badge, #search lunch box, #watch lunch, #cart to car, #space travel safe, #for animals, #ratbert, #security guard, #Dogbert
Transcript
Dilbert sits on the couch reading a magazine with his feet on the coffee table. Dogbert and Ratbert stand on the table. Dogbert says, "We're going downtown to play 'security guards in space.'" Dilbert says, "I don't want to know." Dogbert and Ratbert walk down the sidewalk pulling a lunch box shaped like a space rocket. Ratbert says, "Let's try that building." The security guard says to Dogbert, "I'll need to see your I.D. badge, sir." Dogbert shows him something and says, "Look fast!! There it is!! Not a pack of matches!!" The security guard says, "Okay." The guard says, "I'll have to search your lunch box." The guard looks inside the rocket and says, "It's just a bunch of wires and gizmos." Dogbert says, "You're making me SO hungry." Dogbert asks, "Could you watch my lunch while I take the cart back to my car?" The guard sits on the rocket. Dogbert tells Ratbert, "I feel bad, but it's the only way to test if space travel is safe for us animals." Ratbert says, "I feel safer already "
Sunday November 24,
1996
Tags #serious threat, #competitors, #consultants, #eat our lunch, #executive comapny, #hired security guard, #lunches, #safe, #figure of speech, #better than usuaal, #cafeteria
Transcript
The Boss stands next to an overhead projector and says, "Last week our consultants warned us about a serious threat." The Boss continues, "They said our competitors would 'eat our lunch.'" The Boss continues, "I'm happy to tell the executive committee that I leapt into action." The Boss continues, "I hired a security guard to protect the cafeteria." The Boss concludes, "Our lunches are safe." An executive says to another, "I always thought that was just a figure of speech." The woman replies, "Fool! Give me your department!" One executive shouts, "Let go of my hair!!" One of them slaps the other and someone shouts, "Ouch!!" The Boss thinks, "This is going better than usual." Dilbert asks a security guard, "Why is the cafeteria closed?" The guard replies, "Someone ate all the lunches." He burps.
Sunday March 21,
2010
Tags #security guard, #shout, #technical advice, #career change, #loud, #yell, #mouth open, #reboot, #Promotion, #hobo, #sponge bath, #lobby fountain, #typo, #nervous
Transcript
Henry says, "Try rebooting." Dilbert says, "Who are you?" Henry says, "I'm Henry the security guard. I'm trying to evolve into a new career." Henry says, "I'm ignoring my real job while loudly giving technical advice to coworkers." Henry says, "Eventually, people will start to see me as a valuable technical resource. Promotions will follow." Dilbert says, "Do you know anything about technology besides 'try rebooting'?" The Boss says, "Henry, who let the hobo take a sponge bath in the lobby fountain?" Henry says, "Try rebooting! Try rebooting!" Dilbert says, "To fix a typo?"
Monday April 26,
2021
Workplace Injuries
Tags #business, #technology, #meeting, #video call, #workplace, #injury, #reduce, #work from home, #security, #guard, #hurt, #back, #steal, #office equipment
Transcript
boss on video call. boss: i'm proud to announce we reduced workplace injuries by 76% this past year. voice from laptop: we all worked from home this year. shouldn't we have seen a 100% reduction? boss: our security guard kept hurting his back stealing office equipment.
Thursday August 03,
1995
Tags #hired as temp, #ratbert, #cardboard box, #main hallway, #regular employees, #status, #security gurad, #crud behind refrigerator, #company car
Transcript
Dilbert says to Ratbert, "Congratulations on getting hired as a temp, Ratbert." Ratbert answers, "Where do I start?!" Dilbert tells him, "Your office is this cardboard box in the main hallway. The regular employees will not make eye contact or ask your name." Dilbert continues, "Your status is roughly between the security guard and the crud behind the refrigerator." Ratbert replies, "Do I get a company car?"
Tuesday September 19,
1995
Tags #new company slogan, #act like you own the comapny, #fired marketing dept, #security escort
Transcript
The Boss, Wally, Alice and Dilbert are sitting at a conference table. Wally says, "I'm happy to report that I have embraced the new company slogan 'Act like you own the company.'" Wally continues, "This morning I fired the marketing department and had security escort them out." The Boss replies, "That's not exactly what we had in mind . . ." As a security guard taps on the Boss's shoulder, Wally says, "Fortunately I anticipated your reaction."