Customer Success Comic Strips
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380 Results for Customer Success
View 1 - 10 results for customer success comic strips. Discover the best "Customer Success" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday August 04,
2003
Tags #website, #customer success, #closest things, #complaint letters, #few words, #kick to kiss, #change context, #reviews, #technology
Transcript
"Tina, we need some customer success stories for the web site." "The closest things we have are these complaint letters. Just change a few words." "Change 'kick' to 'kiss' and this one is done, albeit disturbingly."
Tuesday May 21,
2013
Tags #excitement, #flattery, #respect, #companys success
Transcript
Customer Meeting CEO: The secret of our company's success is that we hire good people. Dilbert: What? Are you saying I'm good? I've never heard a compliment at work. What is that feeling inside me? Is it the thing called self-esteem? Customer: Awkward. CEO: Just ignore him. Dilbert: Behold my goodness!
Wednesday January 28,
2015
Success Is About Who You Know
Tags #blame, #blaming, #success, #who you know
Transcript
Wally: Success is all about who you know. I'm not successful, so apparently it doesn't help to know you. Dilbert: I"m sorry I let you down. Wally: It's as if you aren't even trying.
Sunday October 25,
2020
Refusing Customer Demands
Tags #business, #customer, #demands, #face mask, #fault, #Lose, #managers & supervisors, #refuse, #sarcasm, #technology
Transcript
dilbert: as you instructed, i refused to give in to our biggest customer's demands and they canceled all of their orders. boss: i didn't tell you to do that, you fool! dilbert: you told me to do exactly that. boss: i never told you to lose our biggest customer! dilbert: you told me to refuse their demands. boss: but i didn't tell you to lose the customer! dilbert yelling: it's the same thing!!! boss: the important thing here is that it's your fault. Dilbert yelling: i get it!!!
Thursday February 04,
2021
Wally's Success
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #track, #success, #work, #correlation, #working, #sarcasm, #unproductive
Transcript
wally: i've been tracking my successes at work relative to my efforts, and i see no correlation. so if you see me not working hard, you should assume everything is fine. boss: you've never had a success to track. wally: i was hoping you didn't know that.
Saturday February 12,
2011
Tags #dating, #inventions, #dead end job, #developing an app, #spare time, #lottery ticket, #odds of success, #relationships
Transcript
Dilbert says, "It might look as if I'm in a dead-end job, but I'm developing an app in my spare time." Woman says, "Here's a lottery ticket. I just doubled your odds of success." Woman says, "I bought two for myself so I don't need to make an app."
Saturday July 16,
2011
Tags #customer survey data, #marketing, #design, #engineering secret, #business
Transcript
The customer survey data is for marketing eyes only. design the next release and we'll tell you if its what everyone wanted. How long will it take? Dilbert: Thats an engineering secret.
Thursday September 15,
2011
Tags #anger, #debates, #more aggressive, #blaming others, #lack of success, #keeping from work
Transcript
Wally: I've decided to become more aggressive in blaming others for my lack of success. For example, you're keeping me from working right now. Dilbert: No I'm not. Wally: I DON'T HAVE TIME TO STAND HERE AND ARGUE WITH YOU ALL DAY!
Friday November 25,
2011
Tags #retail business, #service business, #buy company's prodcut, #pulling teeth, #commissions to salary, #free from tyranny, #customer service, #less than ideal, #no paperwork
Transcript
Dilbert: I want to buy your company's product but it's like pulling teeth with you. Man: Ha ha! I switched from commissions to a guaranteed salary. I'm free from the tyranny of customer service! Dilbert: This is less than ideal. Man: No paperwork for me! Woot! Woot!
Sunday February 12,
2012
Tags #frustration, #tech support, #ticket window, #evaluated, #how helpful, #trouble tickets, #stubborness, #obsticle, #financial success, #disconnected, #new stranger, #hating
Transcript
Tech Support: Hello, this is tech support. May I close your ticket now? Dilbert: Um... no. You haven't helped me yet. I just called you. Tech Support: I'm not evaluated on how helpful I am. I'm evaluated on how many trouble tickets I close. Your stubbornness is becoming an obstacle to my financial success. By the way, if our call gets disconnected, I count that as a closed ticket. Dilbert: I'll make it quick. Tech Support: What? What? I can't hear you. Dilbert: Son of a beach ball! On the plus side, my goal of hating one new stranger every day is right on track.