Darkest Day Comic Strips
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Dilbert: Ive designed our new product to work flawlessly for up to ten years. CEO: No one will need an upgrade. Thats no good. Add some code to low it down and make it unreliable after two years. CEO: But make sure the device doesn't slow down until we have an upgrade to sell. Then draft an apology I can put un a press realize when we get caught. Dilbert: You have turned my engineering success into the darkest day of my career. CEO: Thats not even close to being true. Your darkest day will be when the press figures out what we did and I fore you for it.
Ted: The committee decided that the file naming convention will start with the date, in the order of month, year, day... then a space, then the temperature at the airport, and the hat size of the nearest squirrel. To be perfectly honest, it was a long meeting and we probably didn't do our best work toward the end.
Wally says, "How did your interview go yesterday?" Dilbert says, "Great!" Dilbert says, "They offered less money for a worse job. But for half a day I imagined it would be better." Wally says, "Half a day/! Lucky!" Dilbert says, "I know! I can't wait for my next useless interview!"
Boss: Your annual skip-level meeting with my boss is next week. Everything you say about me is confidential. But just to be on the safe side, I scheduled my retribution for every day of the following year.
Dilbert sits at his desk reading a memo. Dilbert reads, "Urgent memo to all employees:" Dilbert says, "Uh-oh. Looks important." Dilbert continues reading, "If we are to remain competitive, you must proactively improve quality on all actionable items!" Dilbert says, "Wow! That was inspiring. My heart is pounding. I'm all tingly . . . I'd better take the rest of the day off . . ."
Dilbert sits up in bed, groans and thinks, "It's 6 a.m. and time for another oppressive day of meaningless toil . . ." Dilbert thinks, "Wait . . . Today is Saturday . . ." Dilbert lies back down and thinks, "I am the happiest man on the planet earth."
Dawn: We have to be firm with little Rex. Watch me, Bob. Rex, behave or I'll spank you! Rex: If you spank me. I'll become a bitter and resentful child. And forget you on mother's day. Rex: I think we understand each other now. Bob: Is father's day still a go?
Dilbert sits at his desk thinking, "Would the world be any worse off if I'd never been born?" Dilbert thinks, "Wait . . . If not for me, who would turn off this computer every night. I'm saving electricity!" Dilbert arrives at home carrying his briefcase and says to Dogbert, "I found meaning in my life today." Dogbert says, "You left your bedroom light on all day."
Dogbert uses a megaphone to address several men in bathrobes and slippers. Dogbert says, "Attention, prisoners! This is Warden Dogbert speaking!" Dogbert continues, "My jail has not been profitable. I've decided to have you all executed to reduce operating costs." Dogbert walks away thinking, "The 'Joke of the Day' program seems wasted on these people."