Data Miner Comic Strips

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177 Results for Data Miner

View 1 - 10 results for data miner comic strips. Discover the best "Data Miner" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 06, 2000's comic on:


Tags #data miner, #eureka!, #correclation, #vacation, #telecommute, #expense vouchers, #vouchers, #out sick

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The data miner: The boss is sitting down and Dogbert is on top of the table wearing a hard hat with the light on and hitting a laptop with a stonecutter's hammer. Dogbert says: "Eureka! I found a correlation." Dogbert says to the boss: "When you're on vacation, all your employees telecommute." The boss says: "They do?" Dogbert says to the boss: "And 100% of all expense vouchers are signed when you're sick." The boss answers: "We have vouchers?"

Data Encapsulation

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Data Encapsulation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 18, 2018's comic on:


Tags #inheritance polymorphism, #managing, #bullying, #data encapsulation

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Dilbert: Do you know the difference between data encapsulation and inheritance polymorphism? The boss: No. Dilbert: Then how can you manage someone who odes? The boss; Do you know the difference between managing and bullying? Dilbert: No. The Boss: Problem solved.

Bad Data

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Bad Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 03, 2018's comic on:


Tags #data, #information, #accuracy

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Boss: What does the data tell us to do? Dilbert: We only have bad data on this. Boss: Does the bad data suggest we should do what we wanted to do anyway? Dilbert: Well, yes. Boss: That's called "good data."

Massive Data Breach

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Massive Data Breach  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 2018's comic on:


Tags #data, #facebook, #privacy, #apology, #statement, #big business, #lying, #damage control

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Dilbert: We had a massive data breach. Hackers got into the private data of all of our customers. Boss: No problem. We'll issue a press release that says we're sorry and it will never happen again. Dilbert: That's what we said the last three times it happened. Boss: Our strategy is to wear them down.

Adjust The Data

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Adjust The Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 20, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #office, #research, #tests, #data

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Dilbert: The test data doesn't support our plan. Boss: We know our plan is brilliant, so just adjust the data to support it. Dilbert: You mean falsify the data. Boss: Let's not get hung up on the definition of things.

Data Can Only Mean One Thing

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Data Can Only Mean One Thing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 25, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #office workers, #sarcasm, #data, #analyze

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ted: this data can mean only one thing. dilbert: actually, it can mean any one of about seventeen things. ted: then why can i think of only one? dilbert: please don't make me answer that.

Selling Private Data

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Selling Private Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 12, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #job, #management, #cloud, #data, #people, #private, #information, #laugh, #market, #sell, #email, #friend

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dogbert: the only reason i took a job managing cloud data is so i could laugh at people's private information. dogbert: then i discovered a robust market for selling that kind of stuff, so it's a twofer. dilbert: we need to talk. dogbert: sure. just email your thoughts to a friend, and i'll probably read them.

Personal Health Data

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Personal Health Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 13, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #laptop, #private, #data, #cloud, #asthma, #personal, #health, #edit, #disease

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dogbert at laptop: according to your private data in the cloud, you have a mild case of asthma. dilbert: you can see my personal health data? dogbert: see it? hahaha! i can do more than that! dilbert: what is more than that? dogbert: i can edit it. you have six new diseases now.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 08, 2011's comic on:


Tags #cartoonists, #ventriloquism, #writing, #hand puppet, #data overload, #ridiculous, #poorly written story, #case closed

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Police says, "We have a report of a pointy-haired boss being stunned by data overload, stuffed, and used as a hand puppet." Alice says, "That's ridiculous. It sounds like the plot of a poorly written story arc." Police says, "It sounds poorly drawn too." Alice says, "Case closed, right?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 20, 2011's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #meetings, #buddha jogging, #reliability stats, #data does not exist, #random numbers, #deep understanding of reality

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The Boss says, "Asok, get me the reliability stats for our previous model." Asok says, "I am fairly certain the data does not exist." The Boss says, "Wally can show you how to get it." Wally says, "Come with me." Wally says, "You start by typing random numbers into a spreadsheet." Asok says,"Then what?" Wally says, "Then you're done." Wally says, "All business data is intentionally misleading. I just take it to the next level." Wally says, "A deep understanding of reality is exactly the same thing as laziness." Asok says, "That can't be right." Wally says, "Have you ever seen a statue of Buddha jogging?"