Data Mining Technology Comic Strips

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733 Results for Data Mining Technology

View 1 - 10 results for data mining technology comic strips. Discover the best "Data Mining Technology" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 13, 2000's comic on:


Tags #gigantic database, #customer behavior, #information, #non linear math, #data mining technology, #optimize retail channels, #spam, #meeting here

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "We have a gigantic database full of customer behavior information." Dilbert says, "Excellent. We can use non-linear math and data mining technology to optimize our retail channels!" The Boss says to Dilbert, "If that's the same thing as spam, we're having a good meeting here."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 03, 2000's comic on:


Tags #dogcart consults, #data mining, #uncover sales, #mine data, #messages, #tie and shirt, #messages from god

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Dogbert Consults: The boss is sitting at his desk and Dogbert is on top of his desk. Dogbert says to the boss: "You need to do data mining to uncover hidden sales trends." Dogbert says: "If you mine the data hard enough, you can also find messages from God." The boss and Dogbert are in a meeting, on the table Dogbert has sheets of paper and shows them to the boss there is also a laptop. Dogbert says to the boss: "...sales to lefthanded squirrels are up...and God says your tie doesn't go with that shirt."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 04, 2000's comic on:


Tags #dogcart consults, #data minig, #another message, #stealing lunches, #refigerator, #break room, #pudding

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Dogbert consults: The boss and Dogbert are in a meeting, Dogbert is typing on a laptop. Dogbert says to the boss: "My data-mining software has found another message from God." Dogbert says to the boss: "It says you've been stealing lunches from the refrigerator in the break room." The boss looks surprised and scared. Dogbert says to the boss: "Then it says, "Ha ha, that wasn't pudding!"" The boss covers his mouth with both hands.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 05, 2000's comic on:


Tags #data, #make face, #quite shoccking, #sales higest, #mining data

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The boss and Dogbert are in a meeting, Dogbert is wearing a mining hard hat. The boss says: "Our consultant has been mining all day." Dogbert says: "The results are quite shocking." The boss is sitting between Dilbert and Dogbert, he is reading a sheet of paper. The boss says: "According to the data, sales are always highest when I do this..." The boss pulls the side of his mouth with one hand and pulls his nose up with the other, Dilbert and Dogbert look at him.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 26, 2005's comic on:


Tags #urgent, #budget numbers, #technology, #amazing, #data, #delete spam

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Subject: URGENT Dilbert, give me your budget numbers as soon as possible. "Technology is amazing. I type one message and within minutes I'll have my data." "First order of business: Delete all spam e-mail that has a subject of 'Urgent'."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 08, 1999's comic on:


Tags #boss can't understand hire, #rodeo clown, #engineer, #smells like hay, #fifty percent, #data network engineer, #engineering

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A man in a dirty shirt says, to the boss, "Mwa fwa fwa ooh mah fuh." The boss says, "I can't understands a word you say." The boss says, "And your poorly dressed. You must be some sort of technology expert. Or a rodeo clown." The boss introduces dirty guy to Alice. The boss says, "There's a fifty percent chance I hired a data network engineer." Alice says, "I smell hay."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 07, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #slide show, #test, #waste of time, #arms out, #angry, #cranky, #data, #business

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Dilbert says, "I'd like to thank all of the people who helped design the technology test parameters." Dilbert says, "Thanks to your input, the test had nothing in common with how things work in the real world." Dilbert says, "So I wasted two weeks of my life on a test that is not only meaningless..." Dilbert says, "...But alos dangerously misleading." Dilbert says, "This slide shows the gap between the test results and reality." The Boss says, "We'll use the test results anyway because it's the only data we have." Dilbert says, "Fine. I hope you all choke to death on your lunches." The Boss says, "Why's he so cranky?" Wally says, "Something about data."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 2014's comic on:


Tags #correct data, #incorrect data, #interactions with boss, #questioning, #totally accurate, #desk, #computer, #office, #technology

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Boss: Are you sure the data you gave me is correct? Dilbert: I've been giving you incorrect data for years. This is the first time you've asked. Boss: What? Dilbert: I said the data is totally accurate.

Government Wants Access To Data

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Government Wants Access To Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 18, 2016's comic on:


Tags #national security, #privacy, #technology, #big business, #terrorism

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CEO: The government wants us to make software that can unlock the encrypted data of our users. Either we choose privacy or national security. Should we betray our customers or should we enable terrorists? Figure out which one is more profitable and get back to me. Boss: On it.

Data Encapsulation

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Data Encapsulation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 18, 2018's comic on:


Tags #inheritance polymorphism, #managing, #bullying, #data encapsulation

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Dilbert: Do you know the difference between data encapsulation and inheritance polymorphism? The boss: No. Dilbert: Then how can you manage someone who odes? The boss; Do you know the difference between managing and bullying? Dilbert: No. The Boss: Problem solved.