Data Model Comic Strips

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244 Results for Data Model

View 1 - 10 results for data model comic strips. Discover the best "Data Model" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 20, 2013's comic on:


Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #managers & supervisors, #work ethic, #project, #unstable applcation, #data model, #overly complex relational databse, #lazy, #business

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Boss: What's taking you so long on the project? Dilbert: The application is unstable because the data model is driven by an overly complex relational database and there was no integration testing. Boss: Does any of that mean the same thing as "lazy?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 20, 2011's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #meetings, #buddha jogging, #reliability stats, #data does not exist, #random numbers, #deep understanding of reality

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The Boss says, "Asok, get me the reliability stats for our previous model." Asok says, "I am fairly certain the data does not exist." The Boss says, "Wally can show you how to get it." Wally says, "Come with me." Wally says, "You start by typing random numbers into a spreadsheet." Asok says,"Then what?" Wally says, "Then you're done." Wally says, "All business data is intentionally misleading. I just take it to the next level." Wally says, "A deep understanding of reality is exactly the same thing as laziness." Asok says, "That can't be right." Wally says, "Have you ever seen a statue of Buddha jogging?"

Presidential Role Model

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Presidential Role Model - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 04, 2016's comic on:


Tags #role model, #example, #election, #candidate, #logic

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Boss: We need a president who can be a good role model for my kids. Dilbert: That will come in handy if your kids want to raise your taxes or veto a transportation bill. Boss: Why do I talk to you? Dilbert: I assume you do it to gain wisdom.

Data Encapsulation

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Data Encapsulation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 18, 2018's comic on:


Tags #inheritance polymorphism, #managing, #bullying, #data encapsulation

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Dilbert: Do you know the difference between data encapsulation and inheritance polymorphism? The boss: No. Dilbert: Then how can you manage someone who odes? The boss; Do you know the difference between managing and bullying? Dilbert: No. The Boss: Problem solved.

Bad Data

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Bad Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 03, 2018's comic on:


Tags #data, #information, #accuracy

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Boss: What does the data tell us to do? Dilbert: We only have bad data on this. Boss: Does the bad data suggest we should do what we wanted to do anyway? Dilbert: Well, yes. Boss: That's called "good data."

Massive Data Breach

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Massive Data Breach  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 2018's comic on:


Tags #data, #facebook, #privacy, #apology, #statement, #big business, #lying, #damage control

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Dilbert: We had a massive data breach. Hackers got into the private data of all of our customers. Boss: No problem. We'll issue a press release that says we're sorry and it will never happen again. Dilbert: That's what we said the last three times it happened. Boss: Our strategy is to wear them down.

Adjust The Data

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Adjust The Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 20, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #office, #research, #tests, #data

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Dilbert: The test data doesn't support our plan. Boss: We know our plan is brilliant, so just adjust the data to support it. Dilbert: You mean falsify the data. Boss: Let's not get hung up on the definition of things.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 08, 2011's comic on:


Tags #cartoonists, #ventriloquism, #writing, #hand puppet, #data overload, #ridiculous, #poorly written story, #case closed

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Police says, "We have a report of a pointy-haired boss being stunned by data overload, stuffed, and used as a hand puppet." Alice says, "That's ridiculous. It sounds like the plot of a poorly written story arc." Police says, "It sounds poorly drawn too." Alice says, "Case closed, right?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 02, 2011's comic on:


Tags #absurdly complicated, #financial model, #absenteeism, #error, #excel sheet, #stock holders, #poison cafeteria

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CEO: according to your absurdly complicated finical model, we can double revenue by increasing absenteeism. To be fair, there might be an error or two in the excel spreadsheet. CEO: Maybe , but I think I owe it to our stockholders to poison the cafeteria just to be sure,

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 07, 2011's comic on:


Tags #public speaking, #financial model, #complicated, #formula errors, #management, #figures support, #schemes for career development, #life is ridiculous

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Man: My financial model in Excel is so complicated that I assume it's riddled with formula errors. But that's okay because management only uses the results when the figures support their schemes for career advancement. Uh-oh. I just realized that my life is ridiculous. Boss: Do you have hand-outs?