Defective Products Comic Strips
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165 Results for Defective Products
View 1 - 10 results for defective products comic strips. Discover the best "Defective Products" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday September 29,
1994
Tags #new strategy, #tech support, #that customers, #user manual, #defective products
Transcript
The Boss: Our new strategy is to make defective products and charge for technical support. Heh- heh ...our user manual is totally incomprehensible. we didn't plan it that way - we were lucky, Dilbert: Im so proud to be here. The Boss: It all came together when I realized I hate our customers.
Sunday October 11,
1998
Tags #must delight customoers, #stop price gauging, #stop selling defective products, #talking about customers, #delighting customers, #empathy
Transcript
The Boss sits at the head of the conference table. He says, "It's not enough to 'serve' our customers..." The Boss continues, "We must DELIGHT them!" Alice asks, "You mean we have to stop price-gouging?" The Boss replies, "No, I think we can still do that." Wally raises his hand and says, "Ooh! Ooh!I know!" Wally continues, "We could stop selling products with known defects." The Boss shouts, "I'm talking about products, not customers!!" Wally turns to Dilbert and Alice and asks, "Do you feel like delighting customers?" Dilbert replies, "I barely have the empathy to pity them."
Saturday August 06,
2005
Tags #comapny, #sells defective prodcuts, #karma, #bed doodle, #wandered, #bad things, #they deserve it
Transcript
Dilbert: "Sometimes I feel guilty because my company sells defective products." DOgbert: "I believe in karma. That means I can do bad things to people all day and I assume they deserve it." Dilbert: "By the way, where are we?" Dogbert: "I think we wandered into a bad doodle."
Saturday May 10,
2008
Tags #antique thing, #defective prodcuts, #free up funds, #larger volume, #longer test, #sales force, #quality control budget
Transcript
The Boss says, "I cut the quality control budget to free up funds to increase our sales force." Dilbert says, "So your strategy is to sell a larger volume of defective products?" The Boss says, "The quality will be fine. The tests will just take longer." Dilbert says, "So...It's an antique thing?"
Wednesday August 13,
2003
Tags #legal department, #products, #highly defective, #user specification, #ate letter, #hugely defective prodcut
Transcript
The Boss: "Our legal department advises us to destroy any documents that show we know our products are hugely defective." "CHOMP, CHOMP, CHOMP, CHEW, CHEW, GULP." Alice: "Do you have room in there for the user specifications?"
Saturday October 19,
1996
Tags #trade show, #prodcuts, #defective, #stayed up, #setting booth
Transcript
The caption says, "At the trade show." A man asks Alice, "What can you tell me about your products?" Alice replies, "Our products are defective, much like yourself." Alice tells Asok, "I probably shouldn't have stayed up all night setting up the booth." The man asks, "What are you doing later?"
Saturday July 20,
2002
Tags #accountants are weasels, #defective, #dilmom, #make money, #sell t shirts, #selling defects, #wesel soup
Transcript
Dilbert says to his mom, "Our accountants are weasels. They let us go bankrupt so they could sell T-shirts that say, 'I'm with bankrupt.'" Dilbert's mom responds, "Didn't your company make all of its money selling products you know were defective?" Dilbert replies, "Just stir your cauldron, mom." Dilbert's mom says, "Ironically we're having weasel soup."
Wednesday July 09,
2003
Tags #new corporate code, #report immediately, #señor management, #ship prodcuts, #defective, #take care, #lying, #report you
Transcript
The Boss addresses a meeting, "If you see anyone violating the new corporate code of ethics, report it immediately." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "I'd like to report our senior management for telling us to ship products that we know are defective." The Boss responds, "Yes, I will take care of that." Dilbert waves one hand, points his finger at The Boss with the other, and says, "Oooh! Oooh! Lying!!! I report you!!!"
Monday October 01,
2018
Use Company Products
Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #Wally, #asok, #alice, #attention, #products, #required, #use, #bad, #sign
Transcript
The Boss: It has come to my attention that none of you use the products we make. From now on you are all required to use our products. Asok: Aaaarg!!! Dilbert: Shoot me. The Boss: That's a bad sign. Wally: Nooo!!!
Tuesday May 10,
2011
Tags #computers & peripherals, #gadgets, #4g products, #goodness, #competetive, #g stands for
Transcript
Ted: For competitive reasons, we've rebranded all of our 4G mobile products as 8G. Dilbert: I'm curious what the marketing department thinks the "G" stands for. Ted: Guess what doesn't mean "goodness."