Delivery Systems Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

73 Results for Delivery Systems

View 1 - 10 results for delivery systems comic strips. Discover the best "Delivery Systems" comics from Dilbert.com.

Asok Upgrades His Soul

Thank you for voting.
Asok Upgrades His Soul - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 17, 2018's comic on:

Tags #actions, #beliefs, #empty life, #hilarious, #legacy souls, #social media, #dopamine, #delivery systems, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I used to have a traditional soul, but I upgraded it. Now I let the major social media companies control my beliefs and actions through their dopamine delivery systems., Dilbert: That sounds like and empty life. Asok: you old- timers with your legacy souls are hilarious.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 2007's comic on:

Tags #frisutration, #vendor, #dela, #cost, #product costs, #shipping, #won't answer, #deliberate avoidance, #crazy making, #systems costs, #delivery, #stuck

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: "What would your system cost?" Vendor: "We can deliver in two weeks." Dilbert: "But what would it cost?" Vendor: "A lot of vendors deliver in four weeks, but we can do it in two." Dilbert: "I'm asking about price, not delivery schedules." Vendor: "Do you want it shipped by ground or air? Air is even faster." Dilbert: "What does it cost?" Vendor: "Ground costs less than air." Dilbert: "GAAA!!! What does the SYSTEM cost?!!" Vendor: "For ground?"

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 08, 2012's comic on:

Tags #lunch date, #not attracted, #technoloigy, #only like tech, #people are creepy, #delivery system, #viruses, #germs, #picture, #photoshop, #people hater

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: Wally, do you want to go to lunch? Wally: No, thanks. I"m a digisexual now. Tina: What: Wally: I'm no longer attracted to people. I only like technology. People creep me out. You're basically a delivery system for viruses, germs, and unreasonable favor requests. I'm willing to take a picture of you, but that's as far as I'll go. Tina: This is the most disturbing conversation I've ever had. Wally: Thank goodness for Photoshop.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 1990's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #calculations, #collection, #business, #curb, #pick-up, #pizza, #delivery

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits at the desk with a calculator and paper in front of him. Dogbert tells Dilbert, "By my calculations, we can make millions by combining a mortuary business and a garbage collection business." Dogbert continues, "Our customers could simply leave the dearly departed by the curb for pick-up." Dilbert says, "Maybe we could add pizza delivery, too." Dogbert says, "Let's not push a good idea too far."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 31, 1992's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #engineer, #electronics, #devices, #techno bill, #cellular, #phone, #modem, #dial, #systems, #autodialing

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to another engineer with electronic devices strapped to his body, "Please don't hurt me, Techno-Bill!" Bill says, "Make your move." Dilbert thinks, "My only chance is to use my cellular phone and modem to dial into his control module and set off all his systems." Techno-Bill says as he presses a button on his cellular phone, "Fool! I have autodialing." Dilbert runs away screaming as the gadgets on his belt ring and beep.

Dilbert Characters

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 10, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #neighbor, #loud, #obnoxious, #again, #electrionic, #systems, #computer, #telephone, #stereo, #garage, #door, #theromostat, #science, #glass, #neighborhood, #immediately

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk with Dogbert. Dogbert says, "Our neighbor is being loud and obnoxious again." Loud music plays next door and someone shouts, "Party!!" Dilbert replies, "Not for long. I'm going to override his home electronic systems with my computer." Dilbert continues, "I can control his television, microwave, telephone, stereo, garage door and thermostat." Dilbert appears in the neighbor's tv and says, "Attention! Attention! Obnoxious neighbor!!" Dilbert says into a microphone, "I am Dilbert. I have control over your life-support systems." Dilbert continues, "I will cut off your heat, entertainment and cooking appliances . . ." Dilbert continues, "Unless you pack up and leave the neighborhood immediately." Dogbert shouts, "He's trying to enroll in a computer science class!" Dilbert says, "The fool! It's much too late for that."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 29, 1996's comic on:

Tags #air traffic control, #systems, #blue hound bus lines, #won bid

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Alice, Dilbert and Wally, "We won the bid to rebuild our nation's air traffic control systems." Dilbert, Alice and Wally throw their arms up in celebration. Alice yells, "Yippeee!!!" Dilbert yells, "Yes!!" Wally yells, "To the phones!" The Boss walks away thinking, "They don't usually get that excited." Inside his cubicle, Wally says into the phone, "Buy a thousand shares of 'Bluehound Bus Lines.'"

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 1996's comic on:

Tags #software development work, #tiny nation, #elbonia, #integrating software, #existing systems, #tuberculosis vaccination

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice says to Dilbert, "I heard that our software development work has been moved to the tiny nation of Elbonia." Dilbert responds, "Things can't get worse than that." The Boss approaches Dilbert and says, "Dilbert, you're in charge of integrating the Elbonian's software with our existing systems." Dilbert looks stunned. Dilbert says to Alice, "Okay, NOW it can't get any worse." The Boss adds, "You might want to get a tuberculosis vaccination."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 28, 1997's comic on:

Tags #old job, #network systems, #asminstrator, #reckless abuse, #power, #new ethernet card, #solve problem, #big pile, #office

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Dogbert sit on the couch. Dilbert eats potato chips. Dogbert announces, "I'm going back to my old job as a network systems administrator." Dilbert asks, "Why?" Dilbert offers Dogbert some chips as Dogbert says, "I'm attracted by the potential for reckless abuse of power." Asok the Intern sits at his computer and looks at Dogbert who is waving an ethernet card at him. Dogbert says, "This new ethernet card could solve your problems. Would you like a sniff before I throw it in a big pile in my office?"

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 14, 2001's comic on:

Tags #negotiated contract, #six weeks, #double delivery time, #devious weasel, #simply incompetent

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is reading a contract while meeting with a business associate. Dilbert says, "We've negotiated this contract for six weeks and today you double your delivery time?" Dilbert continues, "I can't tell if you're an incredibly devious weasel or simply incompetent." The business associate begins to pull on his own nose and says, "Here's a clue." The business associate pulls of his nose to reveal a weasel's nose underneath. It makes the sound, "poink."