Deny Pleasures Comic Strips
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19 Results for Deny Pleasures
View 1 - 10 results for deny pleasures comic strips. Discover the best "Deny Pleasures" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday October 24,
2005
Tags #unpaid overtime, #death, #deny pleasures, #good night kiss, #this thing, #medical
Transcript
"You know what two things are very similar?" "Unpaid overtime and death. They both deny me the pleasures of being alive." "How about a good night kiss?" "Hey, you found a third thing!"
Tuesday November 26,
1991
Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #senate, #judiciary, #committee, #questioning, #interpret, #roe versus wade, #lying, #deny, #accusing
Transcript
A senator at a table says into a microphone, "Mister Dogbert, the Senate Judiciary Committee will begin the questioning." The senator asks, "How would you interpret Roe versus Wade?" Dogbert replies, "They're lying. I deny everything." The senator says, "We're not accusing you . . ." Dogbert says, "Hey, I didn't bring it up!"
Sunday September 06,
1998
Tags #Dilbert, #deny request, #evil incarnate, #something specific, #dollar estimate, #value, #chair, #quantify job, #work tools
Transcript
Dilbert approaches a worker sitting at his desk. He is holding a piece of paper and says, "Why did the I.S. department deny my request for a P.C. upgrade?" The worker holds up his arms and shouts, "Because we are evil incarnate! BUWAHAHAHA!!" Dilbert says, "I was looking for something more specific." The worker holds out the paper and says, "You didn't provide a dollar estimate of the benefits." Dilbert says, "That's ridiculous. I can't put a value on every tool I need to do my job." The worker sits back in his chair with his arms folded and says, "If you can't quantify it, then it must not be necessary." Dilbert throws up his hands and says, "Then why does the company give me a chair? I can't quantify that either." Dilbert sits on the floor of his cubicle, without a chair. He thinks, "Here's one more reason why it stinks to be me."
Thursday April 12,
2018
He Didn't Deny It
Tags #rumor, #conspiracy, #sources, #vetting, #accusation, #guilt, #innocence
Transcript
Narrator: How conspiracy theories happen. Catbert: I've heard from multiple sources that you deleted Alice's files on the server. Dilbert: Your multiple sources all heard it from Alice. That is only one source. Catbert: He didn't deny it. Narrator: Continued...
Tuesday March 19,
2019
Humans And Parakeets
Tags #boss, #carol, #research, #humans, #parakeets, #offspring, #blog, #deny
Transcript
Boss: I was doing some research on the internet and learned that humans and parakeets can mate and produce offspring. Carol: I don't believe that. Boss: It's true. I read about it on a blog. Carol: I wouldn't call that "research". Boss: Deny science much?
Wednesday April 11,
1990
Tags #dinosaurs, #peter jennings, #brokaw, #tom, #Dilbert, #tennis shoes, #dinosaur
Transcript
Dawn the Dinosaur asks Bob the Dinosaur, "What's wrong, Bob?" Bob replies, "I can't deny my feelings anymore." Dawn leans out the window and says, "Not the roof again!" Bob climbs up the gutter on the side of the house and says, "I have to tell people." Bob stands on the roof and yells, "I can't tell the difference between Tom Brokaw and Peter Jennings!!!"
Tuesday November 15,
1994
Tags #first draft, #sugesstions, #nit picking, #break up of marriage, #Wally, #over does, #critical
Transcript
Wally hands Dilbert a binder and says, "I made a few thousand suggestions on your first draft." Wally continues, "Of all the pleasures of life, I think I like nit-picking the best!" Dilbert takes the report and says, "That could explain the break-up of your marriage." Wally says, "You wouldn't believe what SHE thought was fun."
Saturday December 02,
1995
Tags #boss give orders, #get in trouble, #dogbert detective, #embarass, #happiest moment, #my career
Transcript
Dilbert sits on his couch watching television. A voice on the tv says, "Does your boss give you orders and later deny it? Do you get in trouble for doing what you're told?" On the tv, Dogbert sits at a desk while Ratbert holds a video camera. Dogbert says, "The 'Dogbert Detective Agency' will videotape it all and embarrass your boss with proof!" Back in the office, the Boss reads a document and says, "What??! Why did you do this??!" Dilbert stands in front his desk holding a videotape and says, "This is the happiest moment of my career." Dogbert says, "Lights!"
Sunday June 30,
1991
Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #the boss, #consultant, #clarify, #company, #policy, #discrimination, #unpopular, #religions, #short, #bald, #fat, #handicapped
Transcript
The Boss tells Dilbert and several co-workers, "I've hired a consultant to clarify our company policy on discrimination." Dogbert says, "It is against policy to discriminate based on race, sex, age, handicap or religion." A man raises his hand and asks, "Does that include unpopular, little religions?" Dogbert replies, "No, those are considered cults; you may discriminate freely against them." A woman raises her hand and asks, "What about short, bald, fat, ugly men? Are they considered 'handicapped'?" Dogbert replies, "Technically, no. You can still tease them and deny them promotions as usual." Dogbert continues, "Likewise, you may discriminate against nerds, smokers, and single people." Dogbert continues, "And we've dropped 'stupid people' from the watch list, as their lobbying efforts proved ineffective . . ."
Friday January 09,
1998
Tags #mobster, #rival family, #hit team, #sympathy card, #surprise tomorrow, #write funny song, #burried
Transcript
Dilbert sits at the kitchen table with his laptop computer. He says, "Ted's brother was a mobster. Last week he was killed by a rival family's hit team." Dilbert continues, "We got Ted a sympathy card, then it snowballed into a surprise party for tomorrow. My job is to write a funny song." Dogbert starts singing, "For he's a buried good fellow... for he's a buried good fellow... which nobody can deny..." Dilbert says, "Good."