Depend On Meeting Comic Strips
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932 Results for Depend On Meeting
View 1 - 10 results for depend on meeting comic strips. Discover the best "Depend On Meeting" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday July 27,
1994
Tags #broke code, #can't be measured, #cut pay, #depend on meeting, #own darn fault, #sales targets
Transcript
"From now on, twenty percent of your pay will depend on the company meeting its sales targets." "In effect, we'll cut your pay and tell you it's your own darn fault." "Will the sales target be based on a complex formula and involve numbers that can't be accurately measured?" "You broke the code!"
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Saturday June 20,
2015
Four Hour Meeting
Tags #decision, #decisions, #meeting, #meetings, #productivity, #time, #time management, #business
Transcript
Boss: Yesterday, in our four-hour meeting, we agreed to postpone the vendor selection. Dilbert: No, we agreed to use our existing vendor. Asok: I thought we agreed to cancel the whole project. Dilbert: We might need some clarity on this. Boss: Four more hours should do it.
Saturday October 29,
2016
Dilbert In Wrong Meeting
Tags #awkward, #meeting, #embarrassed, #embarrassment, #business
Transcript
Dilbert: I just realized I'm in the wrong meeting. My best bet is to slowly sink below the table and slip away. Someday, when my grandkids ask what I did for a living, I'm going to say I was unemployed.
Friday March 31,
2017
Attend A Meeting In My Place
Tags #meeting, #frivolous, #stand-in, #time management, #business
Transcript
Boss: I need you to attend a meeting in my place. I agreed to the meeting before I realized it would be a total waste of time. Dilbert: This could not be worse. Boss: I might have volunteered to write up the meeting notes.
Thursday March 01,
2018
Optimal Meeting Density
Tags #laziness, #excuses, #excuse, #meeting, #meetings, #powerpoint, #business
Transcript
Wally: We've achieved optimal meeting density. We have so many meetings that I can avoid all of them by saying I have another meeting at the same time. Man: While you're here, can you review my slide deck? Wally: I'd love to, but I have fifty slide decks ahead of you.
Monday May 13,
2019
Elbonian Cyber Threat Meeting
Tags #business, #meeting, #office, #office workers, #elbonian, #cyber threat
Transcript
the boss: what are we doing about the elbonian cyber threat? dilbert: i called a meeting for tomorrow to come up with a plan for dealing with it. the boss: your weak response proves you are an elbonian spy. dilbert: what? to be continued...
Tuesday November 19,
2019
Meeting To Decide When To Meet
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #meeting, #schedule, #thursday, #berate
Transcript
boss: i need everyone to come to the thursday meeting so we can decide when to schedule our next meeting. dilbert: why don't we just have the meeting on thursday? dilbert: see me later, so i can berate you for saying that. dilbert: do we need a meeting to schedule that?
Monday December 30,
2019
Pre Meeting
Tags #managers & supervisors, #meeting, #pre-meeting, #canceled, #sarcasm, #business, #reality
Transcript
boss: we canceled the meeting because we couldn't find a time for the pre-meeting to prepare for the meeting. dilbert: doesn't the pre-meeting need it's own pre-meeting? boss: good point. dilbert: sarcasm and reality have become one.
Friday February 07,
2020
Email Versus Meeting
Sunday April 05,
2020
No Time Before Next Meeting
Tags #boss, #business, #care, #co-workers, #hate, #job, #lesson, #meeting, #nonesence, #procrastinate, #reality, #report, #stupid, #technical, #technology, #time
Transcript
dilbert thinking: that meeting ran long, so now i have ten minutes before the next one. i'm suppose to bring a complete technical report, and i haven't even started it. i hate this stupid job! dilbert still thinking but showing signs of distress: i hate my boss! i hate my stupid co-workers! dilbert yelling: i don't care about anything anymore! dilbert thinking and typing on laptop: i'll just angrily slap together a bunch of nonsense and call it good. grrrrrr!!! in conference room. boss: this is your bet report ever. dilbert yelling: what? dilbert at home with dogbert: today i learned a dangerous lesson about reality.