Dogbert: I decided to become a product designer because I hate people. I will fill every package with styrofoam debris and affix hard-to-remove stickers all over the cases. I'll make the buttons invisible by making them black on a black surface. Ha ha ha! Dilbert: I've always wondered how this stuff happens.
Dogbert the Product Designer. Dogbert: You might think my job is to make products that are easy to use. But that wouldn't help me, so instead I design stuff that looks good in my portfolio but is impossible to use. Dilbert: This looks great, but no one will be able to see black buttons on a black case. Dogbert: Not my problem.
dogbert the video backdrop designer
dogbert talking to laptop on table: the background of your video calls says a lot about you. for example, it's obvious you have no women in your life, and your knickknacks suggest you are a latent serial killer.
frame switches to wally.
wally: spookily accurate.
dogbert: exactly. that's what we don't want.
Dilbert, the boss and a male employee are sitting at a table. The employee who has a lap-top in front of him says: "You're all idiots. I quit!" The male employee is typing on his lap-top and says: "There ... I found a higher paying job two miles away. Adios, suckers." A female employee standing between Dilbert and the boss says: "I'm the new web designer. I hear you're idiots. Where's the ethernet jack?"
In a meeting, a co-worker hands Dilbert a brochure and exclaims, "The new product brochures have already won design awards!" Dilbert responds, "That's great, but our product won't do any of the things you claim here." The co-worker crosses his arm and says, "Well, who should we believe - the award-winning designer or the guy who can't stop complaining?"
"Product designer"
Dogbert: "Function means nothing. Design is everything."
"Quality is yesterday's news. Today we focus on the emotional impact of the product."
Dilbert: "But it still needs quality, right?"
Dogbert: "You are so-o-o-o hard to look at."
Product designer
Dogbert: Good design is essential to you success.
Thats why I empty only the best artists and design professionals.
Who ate all the crayons again?!
Ratbert: Intruders?
Dogbert the Product Designer. Dogbert: The main goal of product design is to annoy people for no reason. We'll start by making so much extra packaging that you need to rent a truck just to haul it away. Voice: We sell software. Man: I found the product code for downloading the software!
Dogbert The Product Designer. Dogbert: I created an operating system that uses up 80% of your time begging for updates. That still leaves a healthy 20% of your time to... reboot your computer over and over. Boss: Can it fax?
Dilbert: After spending three great days in virtual reality, I accidentally trained myself to hate actual reality.
Wally: What if this reality is actually another virtual reality, and you're really in a hospital bed somewhere?
Dilbert: What kind of designer would make a reality with you in it?
Wally: A lazy one.
