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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 27, 1996's comic on:


Tags #gather requirements, #designing child care, #sewing garments, #windowless room, #illegal aliens, #discounts

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Dogbert and Alice sit at a table. Dogbert says, "Alice, I need to gather some requirements before designing the company child care facility." Dogbert continues, "Do you mind if your children spend the day sewing garments in a windowless room full of illegal aliens?" Alice replies, "I mind." Dogbert responds, "I'll put you down as a maybe." Alice asks, "Would I get discounts on those garments?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 22, 1997's comic on:


Tags #family freindly, #policy, #childless people, #tax, #child care, #lower profit sharing, #time off, #pick up slack, #victim

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Dilbert tells Alice, "This so-called 'Family Friendly' policy is like a tax on childless people." Dilbert continues, "You get child-care; I get lower profit-sharing. YOU get time off for family; I get to pick up your slack . . ." Dilbert says, "I'm a victim, but in some strange way I'm enjoying it." Alice makes a fist and rolls up her sleeve. She says, "Then you'll love this."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 30, 1999's comic on:


Tags #day care is closed, #tess is yeller, #smokey is biter, #towns people torched

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Carol with a child in each hand comes up to Dilbert, who is at his computer and says, "I brought my kids to work because day care is closed." Dilbert turns around and Carol introduces the kids. "Tess is a yeller and Smokey is a biter." Later on... Dilbert, with Smokey hanging from his teeth on his arm and Tess on his leg screaming, is now standing behind Carol, who is sitting at her desk. Dilbert says, "Why is day care closed?" Carol replies, "The townspeople torched it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 09, 2011's comic on:


Tags #annoyance, #death & dying, #health insurance, #advance health care, #directive, #kill me directive

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Dogbert: Here's the first draft of an advance health care directive I wrote for you. Dilbert: "Kill me if I have a headache. Kill me if I'm itchy. Kill me if I complain too much." I might have some edits. Dogbert: There's your complaining again!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 24, 1989's comic on:


Tags #care, #people, #think, #head, #shaped, #torpedo, #wright brothers

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Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dogbert says, "You shouldn't care so much about what other people think of your work." Dogbert continues, "I mean, everybody scoffed at the Wright Brothers. Galileo was jailed. Columbus was ridiculed." Dogbert continues, "'Course, none of those guys had a head shaped like a torpedo."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 10, 1990's comic on:


Tags #dawn, #bob, #spank, #behave, #bitter, #resentful, #child, #mother's day, #father's day

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Dawn: We have to be firm with little Rex. Watch me, Bob. Rex, behave or I'll spank you! Rex: If you spank me. I'll become a bitter and resentful child. And forget you on mother's day. Rex: I think we understand each other now. Bob: Is father's day still a go?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 23, 1991's comic on:


Tags #neighbor, #friends, #Dogbert, #shallow, #social, #pulp, #genuinely, #care, #feelings, #Right, #moment, #relationships

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Dogbert walks along a path humming. A man walking in the opposite direction says, "Hi, Dogbert. How are you?" Dogbert says, "How am I? Is this merely shallow social pulp, or do you genuinely care about me and my feelings right at his moment?" The man responds, "It's the pulp one." Dogbert says, "I'm fine. How are you?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 30, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #working, #designing, #line, #cards, #death, #occasions, #funeral, #dead, #sentimental

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Dogbert sits at the table writing on some cards. Dilbert asks, "What are you working on?" Dogbert replies, "I'm designing a line of cards for death occasions." Dogbert continues, "You know how sometimes you can't make it to the funeral, so you want to send a card instead . . ." Dilbert reads, "I'm sorry you're dead." Dogbert asks, "Is it too sentimental?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 01, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #designing, #greeting, #Card, #death, #occasion, #working, #humorous, #angle, #roses, #red, #violets, #blue, #cardboard, #stiff

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Dogbert stands at the table reading a card. Dilbert asks, "How are you coming on designing your greeting cards for death occasions?" Dogbert replies, "Okay. Now I'm working on the humorous angle." Dilbert reads, "Roses are red, / Violets are blue, / Cardboard is stiff, / And so are you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 02, 1994's comic on:


Tags #process engineering consultant, #totally objective, #dont care, #right attitude, #flowing robe, #cherubs

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Dogbert: "You should hire me as your process reengineering consultant." "I would be totally objective about what jobs to eliminate. Frankly, I don't care about anybody at your company!" Dilbert: "You've got the right attitude." Dogbert: "I think I'll wear a flowing robe and surround myself with cherubs."