Die In Stapler Mishap Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

150 Results for Die In Stapler Mishap

View 1 - 10 results for die in stapler mishap comic strips. Discover the best "Die In Stapler Mishap" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 1995's comic on:

Tags #predicted success, #salaries, #die in stapler mishap, #disagree, #precition, #Opinion, #analysis, #science

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss hands Dilbert a sheet of paper and says, "From now on, salaries will be based on your predicted success, not your past performance." While Dilbert reads the report, the Boss says, "We ran a computer model against your education and DNA information. We predict you'll die in a stapler mishap within a week." Dilbert asks, "What if I disagree with this prediction?" The Boss points at Dilbert and says, "Write up your opinion and staple it to the analysis."

Alice Borrows Stapler

Thank you for voting.
Alice Borrows Stapler - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 01, 2020's comic on:

Tags #business, #office supplies, #face mask, #borrow, #stapler, #paper clip, #coronavirus, #germs

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice wearing face mask: can I borrow your stapler? Dilbert wearing face mask: not with your bare hands. but i can wrap it in plastic and leave a hole for the staples to come out. Alice: maybe you can just lend me a paper clip. dilbert: i'll throw it to you.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 25, 2011's comic on:

Tags #anger, #thinking, #ignorant, #backstabbing, #die, #make changes

View Transcript

Transcript

Customer meeting Boss: If I may correct what Dilbert just said, I'm sure it would be easy to make those changes. Dilbert: You ignorant, backstabbing son of a beach ball. Boss: Are you saying something inside your head? Dilbert: No. Die.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 30, 2011's comic on:

Tags #employees, #secretaries (office), #manually entered data, #entire weekend, #die monster!, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: I manually entered all of the employee data you wanted. It took the entire weekend. Boss: I probably should have told you I no longer need it. Carol: Die! Die! Die! You inconsiderate monster! Boss: Did you really enter all of the data? Carol: Maybe. Let's call it a tie.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 29, 2011's comic on:

Tags #conversation, #employees, #executives, #on line class, #develop charisma, #change the world, #die from stree, #health issues, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'm taking an online class to develop my charisma. Dilbert: Let's see a sample. Boss: Do what I say and you can change the world while you die from stress-related health issues! That felt right. Dilbert: You nailed it.

Dilbert Characters

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 25, 1990's comic on:

Tags #lab rat, #macaroni, #cheese, #through, #wall, #doctor, #die, #over the wall

View Transcript

Transcript

A lab rat thinks, "I hate my life." The rat thinks, "If I eat one more ton of macaroni and cheese I think I'll die . . . Of course, that may be the point." The rat thinks, "Tonight I'm going 'over the wall.' Wait . . . I'm a rat . . . I'll go THROUGH the wall."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 03, 1990's comic on:

Tags #garbage man, #die, #cloning, #machine, #design, #math, #errors, #Dogbert, #Dilbert

View Transcript

Transcript

The garbage man asks Dogbert, "Not much garbage . . . Did somebody die?" Dogbert replies, "Dilbert went to the compost pile in the sky." The garbage man reads a piece of paper and says, "Bad timing . . . Judging from last week's garbage, he had almost finished his cloning machine design. I only notice a few linear math errors." The garbage man continues, "This design would just create a hologram and a bad chile con carne recipe." Dogbert says, "Man, you sure know your garbage!"

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 10, 1990's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #orange, #leaves, #Dogbert, #los angeles, #summer, #scream, #die, #traffic, #hear

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert reads a travel magazine and says to Dogbert, "This year we should vacation where the leaves turn orange and fall off." Dogbert asks, "Los Angeles in the summer?" Dilbert replies, "No . . . Someplace where they don't scream before they die." Dogbert says, "You can't hear them over the traffic."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 04, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #andy the android, #humans, #sleep, #eat, #don't, #die, #existential, #crisis

View Transcript

Transcript

Andy: Androids want to be like humans. Tell me what humans do. Dilbert: Mostly, they eat, sleep, and hope they don't die. Andy: That's it? Dilbert: Unless they find religion... Then they eat, sleep, and look forward to dying.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 20, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #turtle, #pet, #teach, #tricks, #roll, #back, #die

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper. Dogbert asks, "Do you mind if I get a turtle for a pet?" Dilbert replies, "That sounds cute. Maybe you can teach it to do tricks." Dogbert asks a giant turtle, "Can you do any tricks?" The turtle replies, "I can roll on my back and die."