Die Monster! Comic Strips
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173 Results for Die Monster!
View 1 - 10 results for die monster! comic strips. Discover the best "Die Monster!" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday November 30,
2011
Tags #employees, #secretaries (office), #manually entered data, #entire weekend, #die monster!, #business
Transcript
Carol: I manually entered all of the employee data you wanted. It took the entire weekend. Boss: I probably should have told you I no longer need it. Carol: Die! Die! Die! You inconsiderate monster! Boss: Did you really enter all of the data? Carol: Maybe. Let's call it a tie.
Wednesday September 05,
2018
Candor Monster
Tags #the boss, #carol, #radical candor, #therapy, #criticism, #monster
Transcript
The Boss: My new system of using "radical candor," is working out great. I've been criticizing people all morning and only three of them went into therapy over it. Now I turn my candor to you. Carol: Die, monster!
Friday June 10,
2011
Tags #kindness, #trick, #credibility issue, #suscpious, #boss compliments, #hostile response
Transcript
Alice: I'm just stopping by to say you're doing a great job, Alice. Alice: You never do that! It's a trick! Die, monster, die! Boss: I might have a credibility issue.
Tuesday August 21,
2018
Wally Has An Idea For Carol
Tags #carol, #Wally, #bike, #compliment, #insults
Transcript
Wally: I have a great idea for you. Carol: Keep it to yourself. Your ideas are always insults masquerading as helpfulness. Wally: You seem cranky. Have you considered riding a bike to work? Carol: Die, monster!
Saturday June 02,
2018
Monster Puts People In Boxes
Thursday August 25,
2011
Tags #anger, #thinking, #ignorant, #backstabbing, #die, #make changes
Transcript
Customer meeting Boss: If I may correct what Dilbert just said, I'm sure it would be easy to make those changes. Dilbert: You ignorant, backstabbing son of a beach ball. Boss: Are you saying something inside your head? Dilbert: No. Die.
Thursday December 29,
2011
Tags #conversation, #employees, #executives, #on line class, #develop charisma, #change the world, #die from stree, #health issues, #business
Transcript
Boss: I'm taking an online class to develop my charisma. Dilbert: Let's see a sample. Boss: Do what I say and you can change the world while you die from stress-related health issues! That felt right. Dilbert: You nailed it.
Sunday June 10,
2012
Tags #better job, #goldilocks zone, #managers, #marinate in own stench, #monster, #skills expire, #technology certifictae, #training, #your training
Transcript
Dilbert: I need to get this technology certification. Boss: Whoa! No way. If I pay for your training, you'll use your certification to get a better job. At the moment, you're in what we managers call the goldilocks zone. You're not hot enough to get a better job, and you're not yet incompetent at the one you have. When your skills expire, in the next year or two, I'll replace you with someone younger. Dilbert: You're a monster! I'll pay for my own training and leave you to marinate in your own stench! CEO: How did you keep your training expenses so low? Boss: I marinated in my own stench.
Wednesday July 25,
1990
Tags #lab rat, #macaroni, #cheese, #through, #wall, #doctor, #die, #over the wall
Transcript
A lab rat thinks, "I hate my life." The rat thinks, "If I eat one more ton of macaroni and cheese I think I'll die . . . Of course, that may be the point." The rat thinks, "Tonight I'm going 'over the wall.' Wait . . . I'm a rat . . . I'll go THROUGH the wall."
Wednesday October 03,
1990
Tags #garbage man, #die, #cloning, #machine, #design, #math, #errors, #Dogbert, #Dilbert
Transcript
The garbage man asks Dogbert, "Not much garbage . . . Did somebody die?" Dogbert replies, "Dilbert went to the compost pile in the sky." The garbage man reads a piece of paper and says, "Bad timing . . . Judging from last week's garbage, he had almost finished his cloning machine design. I only notice a few linear math errors." The garbage man continues, "This design would just create a hologram and a bad chile con carne recipe." Dogbert says, "Man, you sure know your garbage!"