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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 30, 2011's comic on:

Tags #employees, #secretaries (office), #manually entered data, #entire weekend, #die monster!, #business

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Carol: I manually entered all of the employee data you wanted. It took the entire weekend. Boss: I probably should have told you I no longer need it. Carol: Die! Die! Die! You inconsiderate monster! Boss: Did you really enter all of the data? Carol: Maybe. Let's call it a tie.

Candor Monster

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Candor Monster - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 05, 2018's comic on:

Tags #the boss, #carol, #radical candor, #therapy, #criticism, #monster

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The Boss: My new system of using "radical candor," is working out great. I've been criticizing people all morning and only three of them went into therapy over it. Now I turn my candor to you. Carol: Die, monster!

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 10, 2011's comic on:

Tags #kindness, #trick, #credibility issue, #suscpious, #boss compliments, #hostile response

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Alice: I'm just stopping by to say you're doing a great job, Alice. Alice: You never do that! It's a trick! Die, monster, die! Boss: I might have a credibility issue.

Wally Has An Idea For Carol

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Wally Has An Idea For Carol - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 21, 2018's comic on:

Tags #carol, #Wally, #bike, #compliment, #insults

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Wally: I have a great idea for you. Carol: Keep it to yourself. Your ideas are always insults masquerading as helpfulness. Wally: You seem cranky. Have you considered riding a bike to work? Carol: Die, monster!

Monster Puts People In Boxes

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Monster Puts People In Boxes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 02, 2018's comic on:

Tags #managers, #monster, #insult

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Carol: I'm writing a horror novel. It's about a horned monster who puts people in boxes and makes them do meaningless work while insulting them. Boss: That sounds great. Carol: The monster is also very dumb.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 25, 2011's comic on:

Tags #anger, #thinking, #ignorant, #backstabbing, #die, #make changes

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Customer meeting Boss: If I may correct what Dilbert just said, I'm sure it would be easy to make those changes. Dilbert: You ignorant, backstabbing son of a beach ball. Boss: Are you saying something inside your head? Dilbert: No. Die.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 29, 2011's comic on:

Tags #conversation, #employees, #executives, #on line class, #develop charisma, #change the world, #die from stree, #health issues, #business

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Boss: I'm taking an online class to develop my charisma. Dilbert: Let's see a sample. Boss: Do what I say and you can change the world while you die from stress-related health issues! That felt right. Dilbert: You nailed it.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 10, 2012's comic on:

Tags #better job, #goldilocks zone, #managers, #marinate in own stench, #monster, #skills expire, #technology certifictae, #training, #your training

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Dilbert: I need to get this technology certification. Boss: Whoa! No way. If I pay for your training, you'll use your certification to get a better job. At the moment, you're in what we managers call the goldilocks zone. You're not hot enough to get a better job, and you're not yet incompetent at the one you have. When your skills expire, in the next year or two, I'll replace you with someone younger. Dilbert: You're a monster! I'll pay for my own training and leave you to marinate in your own stench! CEO: How did you keep your training expenses so low? Boss: I marinated in my own stench.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 25, 1990's comic on:

Tags #lab rat, #macaroni, #cheese, #through, #wall, #doctor, #die, #over the wall

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A lab rat thinks, "I hate my life." The rat thinks, "If I eat one more ton of macaroni and cheese I think I'll die . . . Of course, that may be the point." The rat thinks, "Tonight I'm going 'over the wall.' Wait . . . I'm a rat . . . I'll go THROUGH the wall."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 03, 1990's comic on:

Tags #garbage man, #die, #cloning, #machine, #design, #math, #errors, #Dogbert, #Dilbert

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The garbage man asks Dogbert, "Not much garbage . . . Did somebody die?" Dogbert replies, "Dilbert went to the compost pile in the sky." The garbage man reads a piece of paper and says, "Bad timing . . . Judging from last week's garbage, he had almost finished his cloning machine design. I only notice a few linear math errors." The garbage man continues, "This design would just create a hologram and a bad chile con carne recipe." Dogbert says, "Man, you sure know your garbage!"