Dilbert Comic Strips
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1000 Results for Dilbert
View 1 - 10 results for dilbert comic strips. Discover the best "Dilbert" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday August 14,
2018
Dilbert Offers To Help
Tags #Dilbert, #help, #project, #sucker, #woman employee
Transcript
Dilbert: Our pointy-haired boss asked me to help you on your project. Woman Employee: Yes!! My dream of getting paid while other people do my work is becoming a reality! Dilbert: I might have played this wrong. Woman employee: Sucker!
Wednesday August 15,
2018
How Dilbert Can Help
Tags #Dilbert, #project, #criticism, #option, #boss, #worthless
Transcript
Dilbert: How can I help you on your project? Woman Employee: I'll send you my files and you can do all of my work while I criticize you behind your back. Dilbert: Is there another option? Woman Employee: Yes, it' involves telling your boss you're worthless.
Friday August 24,
2018
Dilbert Uses Bumper Sticker Wisdom
Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #permission, #bumper stickers, #forgive
Transcript
The Boss: Dilbert, did you reconfigure the server without my permission? Dilbert: Let me consult my collection of bumper stickers for an answer. "It is easier to ask forgiveness than permission." The Boss: Okay, that sounds right.
Saturday August 25,
2018
Dilbert Consults His Bumper Stickers
Tags #ceo, #Dilbert, #government regulations, #marketing, #question authority
Transcript
CEO: Government regulations prevent us from marketing our products the way we want. What should we do? Dilbert: I'll consult my bundle of bumper stickers for some guidance. "Question authority." CEO: How did you get so smart?
Saturday February 05,
2011
Tags #embarrassment, #frustration, #like an idiot, #simple solution, #stumping dilbert, #gladly explin, #look like an idiot
Transcript
Man says, "There is a very simple solution to the problem that is stumping Dilbert." Man says, "I will gladly explain it to him after this meeting." Dilbert says, "You're probably wrong, and yet you still made me look like an idiot." Man says, "I win!"
Tuesday July 19,
2011
Tags #dating, #gadgets, #mobile (cell) phones, #Dilbert, #twitter, #world has judged, #dont exist, #ghost, #blocking tv, #relationships
Transcript
Woman: How many Twitter followers do you have? Dilbert: None. Woman: The world has judged you. Dilbert: It's as if I don't exist! Dogbert: For a ghost, you do a good job of blocking the TV.
Tuesday March 13,
2012
Tags #astronomy, #billions of planets, #scientists, #version of dilbert, #earth like, #many universes
Transcript
Computer: Scientists say there might be billions of planets like Earth. And we might be one of many universes. Dilbert: I wonder if there's a version of me out there who loves his job. Woman: What has three thumbs and wants a should massage? Dilbert: This guy! Meanwhile, on XPKQ-75
Thursday July 20,
1989
Tags #Dilbert, #dinosaurs, #mesozioc era, #thesaurus, #joke
Transcript
Dilbert says to Bob the Dinosaur and Dawn the Dinosaur, ". . . So Dawn here is a Nobodysaurus, and Bob, you say you're a Thesaurus?" Bob replies, "Ha ha! No, the 'Thesaurus' line is just an old dinosaur joke." Dawn covers her eyes and giggles. Dilbert says, "I'll bet you were a riot in the Mesozoic era." Dawn says, "Eat him, Bob."
Friday July 21,
1989
Tags #Dilbert, #dinosaur, #joke, #carnivore, #robert, #cramp, #tail
Transcript
Dawn the Dinosaur points to Dilbert and says to Bob the Dinosaur, "You heard me, Robert. Eat him right this minute!" Bob says, "But . . . but." Dawn crosses her arms and says, "You call yourself a carnivore? Well, at least smite him with your mighty tail!" Bob looks sheepish. Dawn says to Dilbert, "And THIS will teach you not to mess with dinosaurs!" Bob rubs his tail and says, "Cramp . . ."
Saturday July 22,
1989
Tags #Dilbert, #dinosaur, #carnivore, #joke, #bob
Transcript
Dawn the Dinosaur says to Dilbert, "Let's make a deal. You let us continue hiding in your house, and Bob won't hungrily devour you." Dilbert replies, "That's fair." Dilbert continues, "But I'm puzzled . . . I know that Dawn can avoid being seen because she is a Nobodysaurus, but how on earth did Bob go unnoticed all this time?" Bob points to his sneakers and says, "Tennies." Dawn says, "Old dinosaur trick."