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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 01, 2012's comic on:


Tags #big business, #business ethics, #executive program, #relocate, #vindictive, #stress, #loser, #turn down opportunity, #train, #discomfort, #underlings

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Boss: You've been selected for our executive development program. That means we can make you relocate to any godforsaken dirt stain we want. As soon as you make friends or find romance, we'll move you to someplace new and worse. It won't be the sort of work you'll enjoy, and the stress might kill you. If you turn down this opportunity, the company will forever label you as a loser. If you accept the offer, the company will train you to find pleasure in the discomfort of your underlings. I'm doing it right now! Dilbert: I HATE MY LIFE!!! Boss: Yes, yes, say more.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 19, 2004's comic on:


Tags #other people, #problems, #discomfort, #effect on oether, #oblivious

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Dilbert: I've noticed that all my problems are caused by other people. Dilbert: Ive noticed that all of my problems are caused by other people. Yet ut seen sos unlikely that other people would cause me so much discomfort while i never bother anyone. Is it possible that Im oblivious to my effect on others? dogcart: ZZZZZ

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 08, 1993's comic on:


Tags #mental health, #agent, #government, #bob, #happiness

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Two government agents holding guns stand behind Dilbert while he works at his desk. One agent says, "Erase all the formulas for making your 'Happiness Potion' and we won't jail you." Dilbert says, "Okay, okay . . ." The agent says, "You citizens only have the right to PURSUE happiness - you're not allowed to BE happy." The other agent says, "Citizens need discomfort in order to be productive and fulfilled." Dilbert replies, "Then you'll love this . . ." Bob the Dinosaur reaches for the agent's underwear and thinks, "Wedgie."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 1995's comic on:


Tags #habits of highly defective people, #ignore signs, #belittle people, #newest team, #all complainers fault, #motivate me, #therapist, #controversial issues, #barney as mascot, #assembly line code, #prejudices, #crisp photo copy, #cpmics, #psychology

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The panel contains the title, "The Seven Habits of Highly Defective People." The caption says, "1. Ignore any signs of discomfort in others." The Boss sits across the table from a dusty skeleton and says, "But hey, I've been doing all of the talking." The caption says, "2. Use humor to belittle people in public." The Boss puts his arm around a man and tells Wally, "Our newest team member has movie star looks. Specifically, Lassie." Wally laughs. The caption says, "3. Treat all complaints as the complainer's fault." Dilbert says, "You don't motivate me." The Boss replies, "Maybe you should see a therapist." The caption says, "4. Show up late and raise controversial issues." The Boss walks into a meeting room and says, "I think we should license 'Barney' as our mascot." The caption says, "5. Give advice on things you don't understand." The Boss points to Dilbert's monitor and says, "Try writing some assembly line code here." The caption says, "6. Use compliments to show your prejudices." The Boss says to Alice, "Ooh, nice crisp photocopy, Alice. I don't think a man could have done it better!" The caption says, "7. Think the comics are not about you." The Boss reads the newspaper and says, "Hee hee! Look at the hair on that guy!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 24, 2005's comic on:


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"What's up with the face?" "I'm practicing my work grimace." "This face says, 'I'm so overworked that I can't possibly do any more'." "I'm also getting a message of intestinal discomfort." "It's a subplot."