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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 11, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #flowers, #woman, #non-refundable, #date, #deposit, #diskette, #dating, #history, #personal, #references, #financial, #disclosure, #rejection, #notice, #verbal

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Dilbert hands a woman flowers and says, "Here are the flowers and the non-refundable date deposit." Dilbert hands the woman a diskette and says, "This diskette has my dating history, personal references and full financial disclosure." Dilbert asks, "When may I expect the rejection notice?" The woman replies, "I can give you a verbal now . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 06, 1996's comic on:


Tags #bugs program, #diskette, #fixed bugs, #code, #write program, #updating resume, #need it soon

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The garbage man says to Dilbert, "I couldn't help noticing the bugs in the program on this old diskette you threw away." The garbage man continues, "I fixed the bugs and tightened the code from twelve thousand lines to sixteen." Dilbert says, "It took me three months to write that program." The garbage man says, "I took the liberty of updating your resume. I'm guessing you'll need it soon."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 11, 1998's comic on:


Tags #stellar week, #accomplishments, #data bits, #disaster recovery, #back up facility, #copy a file, #diskette, #resume

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The Boss, Wally, and Dilbert sitting at table. Wally says, "I'm pleased to report another stellar week of accomplishments." Wally continues, "I moved more than 800,00 bits of data to a disaster recovery back-up facility!" As Dilbert and Wally walk away, Dilbert says, "Did you just take credit for copying a file to a diskette?" Wally says, "It was my resume."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 10, 1998's comic on:


Tags #complex financial model, #lindbergh, #inventing light bulb, #boss is dumb

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Dilbert holds a diskette in front of his boss. Dilbert says, "I created a complex financial model for our company." The Boss says, "Let's see." Dilbert says, "It's dangerous if you don't understand it." The Boss says, "That's what they told Lindbergh.." The Boss says, "But that didn't stop him from inventing the lightbulb."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 23, 1996's comic on:


Tags #mentor, #automentor, #job staidsfaction, #massage, #accomplishments, #new job, #resume stain, #hopeless ness

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Dilbert tells Asok, "I won't always be around to be your mentor, Asok." Dilbert hands Asok a diskette and says, "So I've captured all of my career wisdom in this software, which I call the 'Automentor.'" Dilbert sits at his computer and asks, "Automentor, how can I achieve job satisfaction?" The computer replies, "Try giving yourself a massage in your cubicle." Asok asks, "Automentor, how can I make sure my accomplishments get noticed?" A picture of Dilbert is on the screen. The software replies, "That's not a problem at this company; nobody accomplishes anything." Asok asks, "Should I look for a new job?" The software replies, "Too late. They don't call this place the 'resume stain' for nothing." Asok stands behind Dilbert and asks, "How do you handle all the hopelessness?" Dilbert hums and replies, "I give it to the new guy."