Diversifying Investments Comic Strips
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14 Results for Diversifying Investments
View 1 - 10 results for diversifying investments comic strips. Discover the best "Diversifying Investments" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday July 16,
2002
Tags #chapter 11, #profits are fake, #sold all stock, #diversifying investments, #bankruptcy, #files for bankruptcy
Transcript
The Boss says to Alice and Dilbert, "Ha ha! We're filing for chapter 11 because all of our so-called profits are fake." The Boss continues, "I'm laughing because I sold all of my stock the same day I heard that our CFO did." Alice shuts her eyes and clenches her teeth in anger. Alice stands up and yells, " You said he was just diversifying his investments!" The Boss responds, " It sounds funny now."
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Thursday July 18,
2002
Tags #broke, #bankrupt comapny, #401k worthless, #diversifying your investments, #37% retrurn, #burn in hell
Transcript
Dilbert comes home and says to Dogbert, "I'm broke. The company declared bankruptcy and my 401k savings are worthless." Dogbert replies, "No, I've been impersonating you and diversifying your investments into tobacco, sweat shops, and diamond mines." Dilbert says, "Really?! How am I doing?" Dogbert responds, "It's mixed. You have a 37% return but your soul will burn for eternity."
Tuesday January 25,
2011
Tags #tax incentives, #capital investments, #pursue opportunities, #over burdened staff, #divert resocurces, #top priorities
Transcript
Demon says, "The government announced tax incentives for new capital investments." Dilbert says, "That's great. Now we can pursue marginally attractive opportunities with our overburdened staff." Demon says, "Is he always like this?" The Boss says, "Yes." Dilbert says, "I'll just divert resources from our top priorities."
Saturday September 06,
1997
Tags #earnings, #handle investments, #maxed out, #money, #relax, #retire, #risk, #strangers
Transcript
Dogbert sits in a chair at a financial planner's office. The planner says, "We can handle your investments so you can retire and live off the earnings." The planners holds a long contract that covers his desk. He says, "Just sign this incomprehensible contract, hand all your money to total strangers and relax!" Dogbert's ears fly up as he looks at the contract. The planners says, "We'll need to know what your tolerance for risk is." Dogbert says, "I think I just maxed out."
Thursday January 20,
2000
Tags #dogcart investments, #1% annual fee, #invest money, #certified financial planner, #make money
Transcript
Dogbert investments: Dogbert and the boss are sitting in a meeting. Dogbert says to the boss: "For a 1% annual fee I will invest your money with a certified financial planner." Dogbert says: "He'll charge 1% per year to put your money in mutual funds that charge 1% per year." The boss asks: "Will I make any money?" Dogbert answers: " I don't see you doing any of the work."
Friday January 21,
2000
Tags #charge fee, #investments, #removing tonsils, #years of training
Transcript
Dogbert investments: A co-worker and Dogbert are in a meeting. The co-worker asks Dogbert: "So, you charge a fee every year even if you do nothing?" Dogbert answers: "It takes years of training to know when to do nothing." The co-worker says: "I guess that makes sense." Dogbert hands a sheet of paper to the co-worker and says: "Here's my bill for not removing your tonsils."
Saturday January 22,
2000
Tags #huge liars, #management in person, #dogbert investments
Transcript
Dogbert investments: Dogbert and Alice are in a meeting. Dogbert says: "Before I invest in a stock, I talk to the management in person." Alice says: "What good is that? They're all huge liars." Dogbert says: "You believe I really talk to them, right?"
Monday January 26,
2009
Tags #computers, #internet, #investing, #screaming, #panic, #unemployed, #technology
Transcript
Dilbert says, "I'm not stressed about being out of work because I have my investments. Let's see how they?" GAAAA!!! Dogbert says, "Maybe some warlords are hiring."
Monday May 04,
2009
Tags #money, #happy, #bragging, #angry, #economy, #value
Transcript
Carol says, "I live in a rented trailer, and all of my money is in my checking account." Carol says, "Your investments are worthless and your mortgage is underwater. My net worth is higher than yours now." Carol says, "I guess promiscuity and a G.E.D. was a pretty good strategy for me after all."
Wednesday May 06,
2009
Tags #economy, #money, #investments, #topping, #comparing, #proud, #bragging
Transcript
Topper Dilbert says, "Gaaa! My stocks are down 70%!" Topper says, "That's nothing!" Topper says, "Today I discovered that my house is insulated with cheese." Dilbert says, "Gouda?" Topper says, "Grated."