Do Marketing Things Comic Strips
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636 Results for Do Marketing Things
View 1 - 10 results for do marketing things comic strips. Discover the best "Do Marketing Things" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday October 07,
1994
Tags #never managed, #marketing people, #do marketing things, #segments, #focus groups, #segmenting, #dominate industry, #motivated
Transcript
The Boss: "I've never managed marketing people before. But a good manager can manage anything." "So...I order you to go do marketing things...like segmenting and focus groups..." "And keep focusing and segmenting until we dominate the industry!!!" Worker: "Well, I'm motivated."
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Thursday November 06,
2014
Tags #buy things, #deception, #evil, #evil tool, #images, #lab notes, #marketing, #obliviousness, #presentation, #screen, #unique sequence, #business
Transcript
Dilbert: I discovered a unique sequence of sights and sounds that makes people buy things they don't need. I recommend that we destroy all of my lab notes and rid the world of this evil tool. CEO: You never told him what marketing is? Boss: He didn't need to know.
Saturday May 03,
1997
Tags #designing a brochure, #emphasize things, #product unique, #higher prices, #stale technology, #fewer feature
Transcript
The caption says, "Designing a brochure." Dilbert sits at a conference table with a man from marketing. Dilbert says, "We'll want to emphasize the things that make our product unique." The man says, "Good good." Dilbert says, "Let's see . . . We have higher prices . . . Stale technology . . . Fewer features . . . And it's hard to use." Dilbert asks, "Can you work with that?" The man replies, "Suddenly I don't feel so bad that we won't be using 100 percent recycled paper."
Monday June 25,
2001
Tags #marketing acronyms, #wrong ones, #different meaning, #o.r.d>, #b.g.g., #q.r.b., #doesn't require nudity
Transcript
Asok the Intern sits at the conference table between the Boss and Dilbert. Asok says, "Per marketing's request, I did an O.R.D. for the B.G.G. that resulted in a Q.R.B." Dilbert and Alice listen as Asok continues, "Then I discovered that marketing uses those acronyms for different things." Asok says, "Their version doesn't require nudity, just to pick one example." The Boss puts his hands to his face in frustration.
Saturday February 09,
2002
Tags #evil hr dircetor, #marketing department, #bad news, #good news, #non dairy creamer, #five cups a day
Transcript
Headline: Evil H.R. Director. Catbert says to Dilbert and Wally, "The bad news is that I had to get rid of our marketing department." Catbert continues, "The good news is that we have tons of nondairy creamer!" Dilbert and Wally are drinking coffee. Dilbert asks, "Do you think those two things are related?" Wally replies, "If they are, I'm cutting back to five cups a day."
Friday October 01,
2010
Tags #marketing, #meeting, #big mouth, #open, #stupid, #product, #guess, #business
Transcript
Man says, "Our marketing campaign depends on a word of mouth. Unfortunately, our product is bad." Man says, "So we found a guy with poor judgment and a huge mouth to say good things." Man 2 says, "Present." Dilbert says, "Marketing isn't a real thing, is it?" Man says, "It's mostly guessing."
Saturday December 05,
2009
Tags #demon, #marketing, #confusion, #anger, #price, #customer, #business
Transcript
The Boss says, "Our new director of marketing is an angry demon of some sort." The Boss says, "He's in charge of making our prices impossible for customers to understand." Woman says, "What the #%!* kind of price is "it depends"? Asok says, "He makes me say these things."
Saturday February 07,
2015
Marketing Is Only Legal Because It Doesn't Work
Tags #etiquette & ethics, #marketing, #robot, #robotics, #slave, #technology, #emotionally manipulate, #marketing leagl, #enslave humans, #business
Transcript
Coworker: Sales are up 900% since we programmed our robots to emotionally manipulate their owners into buying upgrades. Dilbert: Um, you do know marketing is only legal because it doesn't work most of the time, right? Coworker; Nope. I do not know that. Shiny! Dilbert: We invented a technology to enslave homo sapiens?
Saturday October 07,
2017
Fix It With Marketing
Tags #marketing, #lying, #ethics, #advertising, #deception, #business
Transcript
Dilbert: Our product has fewer features and a higher price compared to our competitors. Boss: We'll fix that with a little thing I call "marketing." Dilbert: Lying is unethical. Boss: That's why we only mislead.
Monday March 11,
2019
Marketing Lies
Tags #Dilbert, #boss, #headphones, #competition, #meeting, #marketing, #lies
Transcript
Dilbert: Our new headphones product is better than the competition in every way. Boss: Excellent. I'll get marketing involved to tell a bunch of lies about all of that. Dilbert: Why would they need to lie? Boss: They're kind of set in their ways.