Does Anything Comic Strips

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881 Results for Does Anything

View 1 - 10 results for does anything comic strips. Discover the best "Does Anything" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #avoid completing, #do it right, #does anything, #fear of mistakes, #higher quality, #inspire, #morale low, #new philosophy, #paralyzed, #punish anybody, #realize mistakes, #value opinion, #victims

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Wally, Dilbert, Alice and the Boss sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Our new philosophy is 'We do it right the first time.'" The Boss continues, "This will inspire you to higher quality because you'll realize mistakes are not tolerated." Dilbert says, "Question." Dilbert asks, "Since mistakes are inevitable, wouldn't your philosophy

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil hr director, #post prey, #vacation request form, #lose vacation, #exist, #shadows, #cubicle wall, #philosophy os useless

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Catbert walks on the wall of Wally's cubicle. He thinks, "The evil director of human resources spots his prey." Catbert stands on top of Wally's computer and says, "Wally, you haven't filled out a vacation request form yet." Catbert continues, "If we don't get it by tomorrow, you lose your vacation." Wally asks, "Where do I get a form?" Catbert replies, "We're all out." Wally is furious and screams, "Did they ever exist?" Catbert says, "Wally, does anything really exist, or is it all just shadows on a cubicle wall?" Catbert stands and says, "I leave you with that thought." Catbert continues walking on the wall of the cubicle as Wally bangs his head on his desk. Catbert thinks, "Who says philosophy is useless?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bed idea, #new sourpuss, #optimism, #leadership 90 5 opitimism

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"Meet our new Sourpuss." "I heard that every office has one. And we didn't, so I went out and got one." "Does anything ever sound like a bad idea to you?" "Leadership is 90% optimism."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #presentation, #fall asleep, #dream, #animal snout, #nose job, #reality, #tease, #mouth open, #scared, #wiggle fingers, #annoyed, #business

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Asok says, "I must have fallen asleep during your presentation. I dreamed I had an animal snout for a nose. It seemed so real." Dilbert says, "If you can't tell your dreams from your reality, maybe this is your dream and you really do have a snout." Dilbert says, "Does anything seem strange or out of place in this reality?" Wally says, "Can we please do some work?"

Miracle Of Consciousness

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Miracle Of Consciousness - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #jaded, #blase, #unimpressed, #dating, #relationships

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Woman: Do you ever marvel at the miracle of consciousness? Dilbert: No. People are just fish plus time. Woman: Does anything amaze you? Dilbert: This is my longest date ever! 49 minutes!

People Believe Anything

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People Believe Anything - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #argument, #business, #people, #believe, #anything, #whisper, #campaign, #rival, #management, #dumb, #covid, #pandemic

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all parties wearing face masks. boss: i'm starting a whisper campaign against my rival in management. i want you to tell people he buys babies from the poor and eats them. dilbert: no one is dumb enough to believe that. boss: people will believe anything. dilbert: not anything. boss: yes, anything. dilbert: fine. i'll try it, but only to prove how wrong you are. office worker: how many does he eat per day? dilbert thinking: i need a new planet.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #inflation eating, #no real opportunity, #other compnaies, #downsizing, #miss the 80s, #get away with anything

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The Boss: "You've got inflation eating you from the bottom...and no real opportunity for a promotion." "And as long as all the other companies are downsizing too, you have no leverage. I can get away with anything!" Dilbert: "I miss the eighties." The Boss: "Does this hurt?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #management jargon, #engage employees, #follow from front, #anything, #tell people, #fake caring situation, #fake passion, #uncle died, #combine both

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Boss: What's the newest management jargon I need to pretend you understand? Catbert: Experts say you should engage employees and follow from the front. Boss: Does that mean anything? Catbert: No one know. Just to be safe, you should tell people you're doing it. Boss: Should I act as if I'm passionate, or is this more of a fake caring situation? Catbert: Beats me. Try combining the two. Boss: Fake passion plus fake caring. Asok: My uncle died. Boss: Woot!!! What was his name?!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fraternization, #joking, #agenda, #know anything, #important he is, #like his jokes, #late for dinner, #jokes, #table, #meeting, #laughter, #business

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Boss: The first thing on the agenda... Dilbert: Hold on. I don't know anything about this guy. Boss: What's the difference? Dilbert: I need to know how important he is. Should I pretend to like his jokes? Should I nod in agreement no matter what he says? Man: You can call me anything. Just don't call me late for dinner. Dilbert: Ha ha ha ha ha!! I hope I didn't waste that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #meetings, #buddha jogging, #reliability stats, #data does not exist, #random numbers, #deep understanding of reality

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The Boss says, "Asok, get me the reliability stats for our previous model." Asok says, "I am fairly certain the data does not exist." The Boss says, "Wally can show you how to get it." Wally says, "Come with me." Wally says, "You start by typing random numbers into a spreadsheet." Asok says,"Then what?" Wally says, "Then you're done." Wally says, "All business data is intentionally misleading. I just take it to the next level." Wally says, "A deep understanding of reality is exactly the same thing as laziness." Asok says, "That can't be right." Wally says, "Have you ever seen a statue of Buddha jogging?"