Dogcart The Consultant Comic Strips
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187 Results for Dogcart The Consultant
View 1 - 10 results for dogcart the consultant comic strips. Discover the best "Dogcart The Consultant" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday October 28,
1998
Tags #dogcart the consultant, #target market, #gullible moron, #commercials, #sincere actor
Transcript
Caption: Dogbert the consultant. Dogbert stands on the conference table. Dogbert holds a pointer. Dogbert says, "Our target market is the gullible moron segment." Dogbert points at a television. Dogbert says, "Our commercials will feature an actor who seems sincere." The actor on the TV says, "I care about the rain forest... and you." A couple sits on the couch and watches TV. The voice from the television says, "I like kittens... and you." The man says, "Wow.. we made it into his top two."
Friday October 30,
1998
Tags #dogcart the consultant, #invisible robot, #empty box, #train support staff, #customers house, #sensors
Transcript
Caption: "Dogbert the consultant" Dogbert stands on a conference table. Dogbert says, "Some customers might complain that the invisible robot they bought from us.." Dogbert says, to Wally and Dilbert, "...is nothing but an empty box.. I will train our support staff to handle those calls." Caption: "Customer's House" A customer talks on the phone in his living room, near an empty cardboard box. He is terrified. The voice on the other end of the phone says, "According to our sensors, he's in your house... and he's watching you."
Monday August 29,
2016
The Self Serving Consultant
Tags #consultant, #cruelty, #laziness, #work ethic, #business
Transcript
The Self-Serving Consultant. Dogbert: I recommend firing this guy so you have more money for me. I also recommend withholding his final check until he makes all of my PowerPoint slides for me. Man: This is messed up. Dogbert: Add some recommendations so I sound smart.
Sunday March 08,
2020
Elbonian Consultant
Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #consultant, #elbonia, #people, #local, #problem, #distribution, #execute, #Opinion, #barber
Transcript
boss: i hired an elbonian consultant because we couldn't afford anyone local. dilbert: have you ever consulted in this country? elbonian consultant: no, but people are people, so i assume it isn't that different from elbonia. boss: that's enough chitchat. tell us what we should do about the problems in our distribution system. elbonian system: i recommend executing one of your distributors as a warning to the others. boss: i'm going to need a second opinion. elbonian consultant: my second opinion is that your barber must hate your guts.
Wednesday November 02,
2011
Tags #conversation, #discussion, #internet & world wide web, #humor consultant, #have more fun, #internet access to entertainment, #funny comment
Transcript
Boss: I hired a humor consultant to teach us how to have more fun at work. Dilbert: Does he cancel out the consultant you hired to filter our Internet access to entertainment? Wally: That was a funny comment. How'd you do that without a consultant?
Saturday November 05,
2011
Tags #embarrassment, #obliviousness, #hired consultant, #less confident, #overconfident people, #don't recognize mistakes, #didn't know studies, #feel like idiot
Transcript
Boss: I hired a consultant to teach us how to be less confident. Dilbert: Is that because research has shown that overconfident people don't recognize their own mistakes? Boss: Now I feel like an idiot because I didn't know about those studies. Dogbert: I did him first.
Wednesday April 11,
2012
Tags #efficiency experts, #golf, #management consultant, #initate, #golf tournament, #profits, #Sports
Transcript
Boss: I hired a management consultant to teach us something he calls backwards causation. Dogbert: I studied the most successful companies. If you imitate them, you'll feel as if you have a strategy. Number one: sponsor a golf tournament so your CEO can meet celebrities. Boss: Profits, here we come.
Monday June 03,
1991
Tags #Dogbert, #the boss, #business, #consultant, #credibility, #person, #speak, #slower
Transcript
Dogbert sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "Why should I hire you as my business consultant?" Dogbert replies, "I have credibility because I don't work for your company. No smart person would work here full-time." The Boss says, "I work here full-time." Dogbert says, "Sorry. I'll try to speak slower."
Friday October 25,
1991
Tags #Dilbert, #customers, #consultant, #tom peters, #follows, #around, #passionate, #criticism, #splitter, #customer
Transcript
Dilbert sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "We've got to focus more on the needs of our customers." The Boss points to a man standing next to him and says, "I've hired famous business consultant Tom Peters to follow you around and make passionate criticism." Tom stands behind Dilbert while he works. Tom waves his arms as he asks, "Is this quality? Are you truly focused on the customer?" Dilbert thinks, "Great . . . He's a spitter."
Thursday May 28,
1992
Tags #the boss, #Dogbert, #consultant, #suffering, #pain, #severance pay
Transcript
Dogbert sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "I need an outside consultant like you to help with layoffs." The Boss continues, "My main concern is to minimize the pain and hardship that goes with this." Dogbert asks, "With generous severance pay?" The Boss replies, "No, I think that would only make my pain and suffering worse."