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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 28, 1994's comic on:

Tags #book publishing, #reject authors, #untalented dolts, #publish something, #conventional wisdom

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"How's the book publishing business coming along?" "Great!" "I get to reject dozens of authors every day! I call them untalented dolts and they THANK me for it." "Eventually, you have to actually publish something." "Yeah, well, that's the conventional wisdom."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 02, 1995's comic on:

Tags #dogberts talk radio, #smartest creature, #dolts, #taking calls, #understand complex, #crossfire

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Dogbert sits in a radio DJ booth wearing earphones and speaking into a microphone. He says, "I'm the smartest creature in the universe and you are all dolts." Dogbert continues, "Today I'm taking calls from people who think they understand complex issues because they watch 'Crossfire' on CNN." A caller says, ". . . So why not put all poor people in orphanages?" With his paw on the control panel, Dogbert says, "Put your head up to the speaker, Bob."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 26, 1995's comic on:

Tags #hired, #audit, #perfect job, #give money, #call dolts, #alice, #engineer, #makes slides, #eat donuts, #engineering

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Dogbert says to Alice, "I've been hired by your company to perform an ISO 9000 audit." Looking at his laptop PC, Dogbert says, "Basically, you give me money and I tell you that you're a bunch of dolts. It's the perfect job for me." Dogbert continues, "Tell me what you do here, Alice, if that's your real name." Alice replies, "I'm an engineer. I make slides that people can't read. Sometimes I eat donuts."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 02, 1996's comic on:

Tags #fascilitator, #breakthrough, #moment of silence, #honor, #despite, #surrounded by dolts

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Dogbert, Wally, Dilbert, Alice and another employee sit at a conference table. Dogbert says, "I think you'll agree that this meeting went smoothly with me as facilitator." Dogbert continues, "The breakthrough was when I realized I was the only one here with anything valuable to say." Dogbert concludes, "Let's have a moment of silence to honor me for my brilliant work despite being surrounded by dolts." Everyone at the table looks angry.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 18, 1996's comic on:

Tags #talk of diversity, #smart creatures endure, #surrounded by dolts, #hold secret meetings, #constant struggle

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Dogbert stands on Dilbert's desk and says, "With all this talk of 'diversity' there's no mention of the pain we smart creatures endure while surrounded by dolts." Dilbert says, "Good point. I don't know how we do it." Dogbert walks away saying, "It looks like I'll have to hold secret meetings." Dilbert says, "Yeah, our lives are a constant struggle."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 20, 1996's comic on:

Tags #supreme ruler, #earth, #wondering, #dolts, #worthy, #leadership, #ego

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Dilbert and Dogbert take a walk outdoors. Dogbert says, "It has always been my goal to become supreme ruler of earth . . ." As they peer over a cliff, Dogbert continues, "But lately I've been wondering if you dolts are worthy of my leadership." Dilbert asks, "Do you think maybe your ego is out of control, Dogbert?" Dogbert replies, "I like it that way."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 02, 1996's comic on:

Tags #dominion, #dolts, #breathing air, #Dogbert

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Dilbert sits on the couch and Dogbert stands on the armrest. Dogbert says, "My dominion over the planet is not widely recognized by the dolts who are breathing my air." Dogbert continues, "So I've declared total sovereignty over a small, ever-widening zone surrounding my body." Dilbert asks, "How big is the zone?" Dogbert says into a megaphone, "You have just entered Dogbertland. Please show your passport and leave the oxygen alone!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 04, 2003's comic on:

Tags #casino for morons, #concept, #court room, #Dogbert, #gaming commission, #ratbert, #room full dolts, #jury, #legal

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Headline: Gaming Commission. Dogbert and Ratbert are sitting at a table. Dogbert says into a microphone, "My concept is a casino exclusively for morons." Dogbert continues, "Imagine a room full of oblivious dolts, and I'm taking advantage of them for personal gain." A woman on the commission asks, "When would that concept begin?" Dogbert replies, "About a minute ago."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 02, 2003's comic on:

Tags #tech solution, #simple, #cost fortune, #internal approvals, #vast herds, #management dolts

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Dilbert: "The technical solution is simple and inexpensive." "But it would cost a fortune to get internal approvals because vast herds of management dolts would get involved." "So I should just do it, right?" The Boss: "Did you just call me a vast herd?"